We’ll, I went ahead and did it (Jeffery here), for the benefit of us ‘all’ and ‘someone else’, we’re hoping. We’re really not sure of it – going in with a grim slanted smile, and narrowed eyes to take a look.
It’s all about creating a Facebook page, or rather, a Facebook “Group”. It’s for DID Survivors after I noticed after searching there was nothing on Facebook for the term “DID” or “D.I.D.” that had anything to do with us – aside from a Facebook page that contained a link to the Wikipedia definition (along with a short description) of what DID is – sort of. (You know they always get those descriptions wrong. There is no ‘generic’ term for us, not really. Every DID system is different, just like the ‘person’ they ‘inhabit’, though ‘they’ are a part of ‘them.)
So . . . taking a deep breath (because “I” know what I’m doing – I hope!) – ‘I’ plunged in, creating this ‘thing’ that I’m sure will come back to bite me in the ass from time and time. (People can’t help it; they’re bound to keep on fighting, a scolding voice echoes in my mind . . . “13″ and some ‘others’ and I’m not sure I can take it (the tired adult being in me).
After all, the last thing a Host being needs is ‘hosting’ another thing, which is basically what an admin seems to be – making sure there’s no bickering and fighting, name calling; that sort of thing.
I’m determined to draw my boundaries, maintain a firm (yet fair) line, limiting it mostly to watching for Trolls. They’ll come; they always do, in the end . . . but I was a Troll Hunter on the Internet long ago, back in the 1990′s, defending groups against these kinds of things (Mental Health Chat rooms on AOL). I was pretty good at shooting them down, using their own words against them, getting inside their head . . . and then hurting them inside, or through a DoS attack . . . all kinds of things. My mind is quite good (and often quite devious – even to me! and us!), I’ve been working with computers (and the Internet) since 1976 – though I don’t care for that kind of stuff. It is sickening to me.
However, I didn’t ‘make’ this group, the people who joined it did. I just ‘created’ a place for them because I saw a need. “If there isn’t one on Facebook,” ‘I’ thought, amazed because it seems there’s a Facebook group for about everything, “Then I’ll create one.”, knowing as I was doing so I may come to regret it.
After all, DID people need a place to ‘meet and greet’ and support their own kind sometimes. Sometimes the outside world is not kind to us. Sometimes people don’t know what’s going on in their head, much less ‘us’ knowing what’s going on in mine- no more or less than I’m used to knowing, LOL. Some things remain a mystery to ‘me’, us, and ‘et all’ (meaning even the Crowd doesn’t know – which is a rare and unusual thing. Ditto where ‘Jeffery’ came from.) Unfortunately it means a “hands-on” approach to the ‘site’: posting semi-regularly, making some contributions to the ‘site’; priming the pump in some respects – going out and ‘recruiting’ – and I so hate beating on doors (and spam) . . .
It’s bound to be a hard thing from time to time. But if it benefits some people – even at the cost of some of mine & my own peace – then so be it. I just feel a grim determination that it’s gotta be done – both for me and them, somewho will benefit . . . someone somewhere. I’m hoping a bit of it is in myself – and in society, by ‘making’ them realize ‘we’ are no different from ‘yourself’, the singleton (or monomind) readers of these things – just a different kind of person with a different kind of mind and a different (and yet so very flexible!) way of seeing things sometimes.
The address, if you want to know it, is on Facebook at: DID and Me: For People With Dissociative Identity Disorder (http://www.facebook.com/groups/137916353016144). Feel free to join if you want to. Or not. (shrugging). It really makes no difference to me. You’ve always got free will and decisions to make. Go ahead and make them. As very best you can. And don’t second guess yourself on the thing, and feel no regret later. Even if it turns bad it’s a learning experience of some kind. Just try to make it a “for the better” one.
I guess that’s sort of what I’m doing – now that it’s too late and I’m looking back at the bridge I’ve built, wondering if I’ll ever have to burn the thing – or simply wait and see what survivors come down that road, holding my arms open to greet them – getting a black eye from time to time – being tough enough to take it and hold onto my understanding (which leads to love and forgiveness) . . . defending against trolls and helping people to help themselves and others – without being too demanding, because I don’t like being boss at all . . . I’m not even real fond of Facebook. I’d rather be writing and/or blogging (like I am now). I have a novel to write. There’s life things. There’s my wife. And there’s my pain (again, wincing again under ‘the hood’). It’s bound to be tough sometimes.
It’s probably a mistake I’m going to be regretting sometime in the future. Then again – we’ll see. The future is a misty ball to me right now; always is. However, there’s some part of ‘me’ planning – and got ‘us’ moving again – uncertain as to the direction (like foot soldiers moving through the fog, not knowing where the enemy or booby traps – or MONSTERS – lay . . .)
Hoping that we can do our best in this thing. And knowing . . . I don’t know. Just a bit troubling, and a hard thing, but that’s okay: I’m tough, too. I’ll take my lessons and learn them as I will, no doubt in that.
Everyone gets their turn.
And now we lay those things to rest.
Time to move onto the future again. . . .