Hello. I’m Jeff. I have DID*, and I am a childhood abuse survivor with DID. I grew up in a military family – violent and unforgiving. We’ve been abused sexually (see this blog for ‘those days’), beaten down (see this), and learned early on …. too much, and way too much for a child to bear. And we were a creative child. Folks say we’ve had an interesting life. You will find “I” use “we” and “I” interchangeably – for “we” are many (the people or personalities inside), and yet there is “I” in that one of us may be speaking – sometimes on behalf of ‘others’, sometimes on behalf of ‘themselves’.
“We” are fighting the stigma of ‘mental illness’. DID is not always a disorder; sometimes it’s just a diagnosis, much like having diabetes is. And yet we have been locked up for this ‘thing’ – despite being no threat to anyone (including our own selves) – or anything. Simply for being different. If that’s not a form of prejudice, then I (and we!) don’t know what is.
We wrote a book, “The Boy“, and it took 35 years. It is a fictional account (you can read more about it here). However, while the story is fiction, the story of the people in it are not – it will lead you into the mind of a sexually groomed and emotionally/physically abused child; the mind of the man who abuses him – and the DID mind as well. It is an excellent read, and guaranteed to be unlike any story you’ve EVER read before – full of love, excitement, mystery, suspense – and a whole lot of angst, madness, betrayal of loves – the works. It is a story of our “lives” in many ways. We urge you to buy it – proceeds are going to help abused children.
“We” are not the same ‘persons’ who wrote / started this blog. “We” have changed. You can read a little bit about it here. WE are no longer ashamed of our child abuse; and we no longer HATE the inner child – but just like any family, ‘we’ sometimes have our problems – just like you do (perhaps) with your own children and people around (and close) to you.
We are married, the father of one – and yet ‘father’ to the nine children ‘we’ have helped raise through the years. Been married for over 25 years – bless the wife, she has suffered so much – and yet loves us even more for what we went through, and who WE are – a tender loving person who strives to ‘do good’, and be good, and help somebody – no matter ‘who’ that somebody may be.
We’ve been a writer and a poet; a Marine and an engineer. We are an artist and creative ‘individual’ – they say it takes a creative child to do what we have done (being DID/MPD). We have worked for the best – and the worst. “We” are multi-skilled and (some say) multi-talented – but that comes from being a multiple being. “They” say we have an IQ that hovers around 160-180 – and more. We have been known to break 220 sometimes (but it hurts our head). “We” regard our inner ‘alters’ not as ‘alters’ at all, but persons – persons with their own souls, ways of thinking, outlooks, and everything that goes with having many minds trapped in one ‘soul’ and one body . . .
We live in the deep South – but have no ‘home’, for we have traveled too far, too fast, too often for anywhere to really be ‘home’ to us anymore (a problem as a child); nor do we have any ‘family’ in the usual meaning of the word: we do not recognize our bloodline, in that we were divorced from our bloodline early on (from the very beginning, actually) – and find family is who we make them, not by any genetic variation or similarity ….
We love, we live, and we love life, though sometimes it is hard. We hate, we feel anger, but we never feel envy nor jealousy . . . and we love all through our power of forgiveness – even the bad ones . . .
Our daughter once told us: “Dad? I don’t think there is anyone else in the world who loves so unconditionally like you do . . . no one. You are alone.” And so it is.
But we’re not. For when we give up on the world . . .
we’ve got us.
Smile. You’re on candid camera . . .
and the world is your stage . . . .