“If I Only Had A Brain” (sung to Wizard of Oz Scarecrow Theme)

PS: There is a LOT of symbolism in the Video Clip Above – and >wink!< we know who the WIZARD is for US!!!!  (Yeeeeaaaahhh!!!)  And, of course, “Dorothy” is “our” Jeff – who has taken us to see the Wiz! (and more symbols there in the movie, for HE hides behind a curtain – while creating that scary ol’ ‘face’ in the smoke?  Geee… does that have symbolic implication or what!  Enuff, move on >grin! wink!<)

Why am I blogging?  Or rather, why are WE (and I’m GLAD to say WE) – bloggin’ along, singin’ our song? (JW!)

It’s because of Jeffery,

Or rather, because of he / I / you and us.  The “all” of us. (Controller, acting Editor)

And that’s saying something

That’s a sign of improvement (from ALL of us) that WE are getting better, though there’s still room forr a whole lot more

Might as well document this thing (scientist)

and see if (businessman, others)

We need to do it; other people might find it interesting (okay, we’re still trying to find out exactly WHO that is; its someone inside; been there a long time – and JW wants to break out into song here, welcoming him/it/she/he/it there INTO THE GROUP. (ctrl*)

Do you know I wish I, JW & Group, wish we had more fingers?? I’ve/we’ve got several (4 now, might have to open more: everyone needs a voice – and I’m happy to do it (jw) windows open; several persons are trying to type something; we are kinda overjoyed and excited about this thing going on (and I want to break into song -(JW**)- cuz’ the whole darn things so beautiful! Look at them (seeing the crowd there, the individual personalities) – cuz’ (sung to Oz’s “If I Only Had A Brain”) we’re in this together, no matter what the weather, we’re finally getting’ along . Boomp pah doomp bah doomp – and we’re all in here together no matter what the weather – we’re finally getting’ along!

Okay, not quite true. (ctrl/jw agree, that’s us BOTH now, you see). There are some parts still hanging around in the background, but THEY’re getting better (we’re hopin!) – too.

(JW) I put the Beast to sleep last night. I kinda like him. He’s a cute kinda fella. I along with the others made a newer, even more special place for him.

He no longer sleeps in a cage.

You ever seen “wizard of Oz”?

(Ctrl/JW) We went there last night – HUGE party going on (everyone’s sleepily smiling, it’s 6 am, but I, jw, am smilin’ most of all, seeing all my ‘friends’ (they do not LIKE the quote marks; but come ON here, guys, it’s just for some poor uninitiated reader’s peace of mind and clarity of expression; nothing to do with you. Funny how some of them get upset about the littlest things, like ‘ (them)’ being in quote marks. They see it as a ‘separating’ when we are trying to get together (and we are humming the Brain song, which is morphing into something else: lets call it “OUR SONG”, for . . . “we’re in this together, no matter what the weather,” ad infintum.

For you see that’s how it goes. We’ve ALWAYS had a song. Used to be the same tune; only different. Used to be “If I Only Had a Brain”.

Now I guess I got on, sorta. At least one that is “one” (or as much as it will ever be) . .”though we’re getting better, as we finally get along. Boomp pah doomp bah doomp”

Though there’ll always be cracks in there.

Me (jw) and the controller (okay, no need to abbreviate THAT one) – had a heart-to-heart discussion going last night while the ‘party’ was going along. A bit of a deal; a bit of a row, as I (jw) worked on convincing ctrl to “join” the group. He was having a bit of trouble with it.

After all, he’s been overseeing things since (when? Either 1976 . . . no, that was teenager, M__)

I’m thinking he appeared on that fair ride in about 84, 86.

When I (we, him, it her: the controller) saw our ‘goals’ (get love, find love, learn to love ourselves – mission failed on that one (soldier) – and when I/we way “love ourselves”, no, I don’t mean some narcissm complex.

I mean learn HOW to love – anyone else.

I/we/us were having some problems on that (more on that later. News at 11) News flash: It’s happenin’ anyway. With our new integration, we are learning to LOVE EVEN BETTER

and that’s important to us. M2; our inner one, the truly tender inner core child (sadness by jw and some others) – he grew up without any love. No, not one speck of it ever EVER shown to him. Not once, not never.

Sorta sad, don’t cha’ think, him being a little kid (5-8), thinkin’ like that.

Poor kid. He’s the one who got misled (and thus misleading many OTHER parts) – into thinkin’ love and sex were one and the same thing. Love=sex=love again; how he loves the feel of skin; being held, sweet whisperings and all that: but it’s NOT about sex. It’s about BEING loved. Only he had to trade his body in to get that kind of stuff.

NOT a good thing.

Oh, and BTW? (he asks I tell you this; he STILL won’t talk to most of us and NONE of you):

He had to BEG for it, BEG his abuser sometimes to ‘make love’ to him.

(hurt child)

and what’s really, really f-‘ing sad is that sometimes – just sometimes – his abuser mocked him for this, using him and laughing, rolling off his (our own – ugh! First time it has disgusted me/us!) -body off our own. Telling us we were “No good! Not in the sack!”  and I/we/us – HE, the kid, laying there on his belly, secretly crying, trying to hide his tears of abasement from the guy who was abusing him; HOPING, yes that is HOPING – for some kind of love.

“WE” felt the emotions back then; HE hadn’t the words.

Come on, go figure.

After all, he’s just a young child. Very young. Like I said: between six or seven.

END (<– Businessman. Put that there so you know this blog’s over. Abbreviations for varying personalities listed below:  Thank you for your time and patience. (Old Soldier on Internal RADIO: “over and out.)

(* ctrl: That’s the Controller. Business man speaking – is now ‘later’ (scientist: temporally speaking); they are done typing; now it’s my job to post (looking) – the 8 Blogs “parts” wrote this morning (5 hours))
**JW or jw: new (old?) personality emerging (Scientist, Analyst: is this what is spawning this sort of behavior – ‘him’ (jw) ‘coming out’.)  (Ctrl: they go back to study and analysis.)


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in child abuse, child abuse survivor, Counselors, DID, dissociative identity disorder, JefferyW, mental health, MPD, Psychiatry, Psychology, survivor, The Boy, therapist, therapy, Writer and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Go Ahead. You were thinking . . . ?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s