The Party

Something amazing is happening. I/we/us WISH we could strap a tape recorder (or would that be an MP3 player nowadays?) to our head.  I’m telling you, there’s some mighty funny sh*t going on. I don’t mean funny “ha-ha”, I mean funny like weird.

But in a good kind of way.

Last night as my SO was reading the tale I/we wrote (The Boy), I had to wander outside while I addressed myself and OURselves to the crowd.

It was a ‘public announcement’, and the biggest spontaneous party in my/our heads.  Even “the crowd” joined in.

The villagers on the island (we thanked them for all their love and care. It’s our sanctuary right now; pacific atoll. Wish I could actually GO to one: it would be so good for our soul – especially HIM, the younger one, young Mikie. Sweet kid; gotta protect him; controller learned to love the hard one to love – but I’m JW, and I love every one of them; especially – though not more than others, just with special consideration for his needs – I LOVE that kid, poor guy (we’re sitting right NOW on a log on the beach under palms watching waves in the late afternoon.)

And some of the others are coming around to that.

Even the Beast.   Though HE sleeps in his garden right now; the one we made for him last night; removing him from his iron cage in the smoking mountains.
Now he sleeps in the forest of OZ.

We got him to lay down – he actually FROLICKED – making mindless creatures for him to catch in the woods (so they wouldn’t get hurt) – and after scorching a few acres with his dragon’s breath of flame – with me/us just sprouting flowers right back over it again – he realized:

BEAST THINKING: I couldn’t do anything, GD them. Scorch and scorch away, and I couldn’t do anything. But they were LETTING me scorch – not minding, not one bit of all!   So we fell asleep there (until we hear duty’s call; when something requiring BLOOD AND GUTS AND GORE rolling around – GOD!, how I love doing that! Grrrrr! HEAR ME ROAR!!! (jw) his growl wouldn’t even begin to fit Mother EARTH, much less this page. Go to sleep now, my silly little dragon (leaning to pet him as he curls on the clearing in the forest of Oz… starting to grow those opiate blossoms that help keep him asleep.  Good dragon; good boy. Go to sleep now)

(JW) Sorry that took so long. Beast is a special case, ya’ know. Or did you already get that feelin’, huh? (I’ll BET you did!)

(Controller) Great, so we’re at this party (ctrl) and he (jw) is telling ME that I’ve got to give up some control.   I’m rather SUSPICIOUS of any ‘new’ personality CONGLOMERATE that comes along; some of them have been bad (partial integration, Scientist says; analyst looking up agreeing, and the Professor (notekeeper) over there looking up from his notes and nodding his head.)

Because I the controller have been in control for so such a VERY long time.

And yes (said firmly, dryly): I DO have a name, but I’m not tellin’ It’s our “public” name; the name everyone (real people included) call us. We won’t go there; can’t have family finding about this, not right now.

They would try to hold me/us/him (jw) back.

The all of us, and we’re sick of being “there” – half healed.

JW has talked us all into going along with this thing. We’re going for the whole ball of wax.

Integration.

Though, as Jeffery and I agreed: things are NEVER gonna be perfect. After all, we’ve been shattered like a crystal sometime long ago in our distant f’ing past.  And like gluing a broken piece of crystal back together (“if I only had a brain” – rings Oz song!), the glue lines are going to keep on showing.  There will ALWAYS be some separation between “us”, the inner parts and selves.

But that’s okay; JW likes it that way. He/we/all say it’s normal for someone like us (scientist nodding: I guess he’s in control of the psycho-analytical side as well.)

But we’re being ‘wholer’ again (parts are disturbed the this connotation: “wholer”= “holer” = getting f’d in the a** by some of us, especially the little one. After all, that’s part of the word our/the abuser used to use: cornhole / cornholer.)

and yes he did, and yes we were happy to be there and get it.

It kinda felt like love, even though we NOW know it wasn’t (makes us sick sometimes; the child is healing, though; feeling the shame peeling off him like old dead skin: and it’s a GOOD thing. Perhaps one day we’ll see him smile. Poor kid. Nothing like an unwanted child. And he only wanted love, and NOONE, not even US was able to give it to him.

But now we can, I think I think I think (like facing mirrors, the reflections my personality, moving on and on and on, each one saying)

Okay, that’s enough for now. Feel FREE to ask me about the PARTY last night!

It was a WONDERFUL thing! (i’m inwardly crying – jw now -tears of joy, seeing all THEM all of US)

Group hug, everyone.

See ya later sometime!
Jw & friends.

(NOTE BY OTHERS FOR MYSELF AND I AND WE AND ALL: THIS WAS WHEN JEFF’S REAL SONG BEGAN: The Scarecrow’s theme song from “Wizard of Oz”: “If I Only Had A Brain”  However, the words are different, based on pattern.  Will write it out (I/we hope) – soon!)

Advertisements

About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in child abuse, child abuse survivor, Counselors, DID, dissociative identity disorder, JefferyW, mental health, MPD, Psychiatry, Psychology, survivor, The Boy, therapist, therapy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Party

  1. jeffssong says:

    Looking at stats (yes, the businessman) – WE began wonder: why traffic? So we re-read the thing and almost cried – seemed beautifully confusing and wonderful in some weird, strange, sad, joyous way; all of our souls felt … words are walls, ya know what I mean? Would you please leave a comment: what YOU found? Thank you very much >wink!< – yeah, Elvis on behalf. Love – All.

    Like

Go Ahead. You were thinking . . . ?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s