Oy vey!!! I can already hear the Christians getting their pitchforks and crosses ready!!
But yeah – Jesus shat. He also probably picked his nose, swatted bugs, had fleas in that long beautiful hair of his, and scratched his crotch when he got up in the morning. Don’t think so? Then YOU, my friend, aren’t thinking!! (okay, look, NOT poking fun at YOU, just the fact that this Christian religion has gotten a little out of hand. Think ‘inquistion’ – and the fact that when I said “Jesus shat” – folks were (and ARE!), hitting the freakin’ beams (yup, just past the ceiling up there somewhere, LOL!)
Calm down, calm down, fellow soldiers. You’ve forgotten something in those wars of words of yours. YES, I mean that “WALL of WORDS” you built between you and your living God.
Cuz’ don’t you remember what YOUR Bible told you?
He ‘was a man’. Yup, pooped HIS diapers just like WE did, back in the day (thinking warm and squishy thoughts here, yuck! LOL!) Course he probably had lamb’s wool or something soft like that, but you can bet: He ‘shat’ them. Probably peed in them too.
NO, I’m “not being nasty”. I’m just trying to make a point.
This Man here; this GOD – he was JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! Maybe a little browner, a heck of a lot wilder (those were the days, hon – as in “b.c. ‘Zero’ a.d. ‘none'”) Things weren’t quite so civilized back then – no running water (so squat behind a bush; pee off a rock . . .)
WHAT? You think he didn’t EAT?? Come on, guys and gals: he had a BODY (no, not that flimsy little wafer the priest gives ya) – a REAL one, so yeah.
He had fleas. Body odor, no doubt. And I’m willing to bet his crap stank like ours, and he, too, laughed when someone pooted.
WHAT? Jesus has no sense of HUMOR? Oh, LORD, where have YOU the Reader been? La-la land like me?? (a grim ‘welcome to it’, if you want; we love you anyway. Really. Just like this dude, Jesus.)
For Jesus was a wonderful person and a wonderful man. HE had the music in him, to quote a song – the Music of God. Unlike US, he was in touch with himself – his ‘inner being’ – born to it, unlike us who have to struggle our own way, fumbling in the dark, hearing words and many times using them as bricks to build our walls instead of bridges to tear them down. Being born and KNOWING God’s mind and plan – yeah, that makes him MORE than ‘divine’ – because HE was one of US was one of “HIM”, the Lord.
Yeah, mix it all together and you’ve got what Protestants and Catholics have been fighting about all along (NO! old priests said: “GOD made into MAN”. “No,” said the opposition, “MAN made into GOD.”) Go figure. They thought it was something for tens – nay, tens of THOUSANDS of people have died over fighting.
Such a silly world. WORDS got in the WAY again: only this time millions have died over this one little simple freakin’ concept, never quite getting it.
Because they were both right: He is God and He is Man. (duh-huh!)
So yeah, Jesus ‘shat’ behind a bush, wiped himself with leaves (or old sheepskin), sneezed at the dust, squinted at the sun, and wiped sweat from his forehead. He got thorns in his feet, dirt in his hair – and yet: HE WAS WONDERFUL.
No wonder they killed ‘im, eh? After all – can’t have some dirty poor homeless* guy wandering around spouting God’s word. Might be crazy (like me), hearing voices in his head. “STONE HIM!” says the crowd – and oh! Look there! Here come the angry Christians with pitchforks and stones.
Just like a spoonful of hateful lovin’ them Christians sometimes is, deep within their hearts – and sometimes right in your FACE.
Get with it, guys and guy-ettes. If you can’t figure THIS one out – well, Jeeeezzz – email me, message, something (heck, that’s what the stupid comment box down there is for: not for you’re ‘stupid’ question – there is no such thing – but for ME and MY stupid head to try to use those damn pesky things called words to get this stuff across to you. And NO, it ain’t easy.)
Oh, and BTW: disturbed cuz’ I ‘use the Lord’s Name in Vain?”. Don’t be. The Lord just laughs because HE knows: it’s just a SOUND; silly little energy waves. The languages may change (du bist einen dumbkoff, snitzen hund!, LOL!) No, the only way you take the Lord’s name in vain is in your heart; nowhere else.
And guess what: God doesn’t mind because (duh-huh!) – HE FORGIVES YOU. You think God hasn’t a bit of temper, too? LOL, Babby-lon? Pillar of FIRE pouring down on some city? Things like that? oooooh, yeah, when daddy gets mad, all the children are paying. Course God has his own take: he ain’t killing. He’s just recycling souls for another run for the money – the golden ring of honey – to listen to his word – and SING!
Yup, ain’t it kinda funny now, in a tender, loving sorta way?
Jesus shat. Yes he did. God bless ‘im – and so do WE! (AND SING!!!!)
“we’re all in this together, no matter what the weather, we sing” (boomp pa doomp pa doomp!”
Have fun, girls and guyettes and every variation of YOU there is under the living son!
*BTW – his HOME was in his HEART and mind, knowing what lay beyond.