Sometimes You Gotta Go Back . . . Again


That’s what us survivors sometimes find ourselves doing.  Go back over something we thought we had solved.

It’s like you’ve been staring at a wall – then suddenly you notice: there’s a door standing there.  All you’ve got to do is just open it.

I was surprised to discover in my last post (in “The Little House of Horrors“) how much my feelings have changed since “Jeffery” came on board 3 or 4 months ago; indeed, how much he’s change our lives in the past 3 or 4 weeks now.  Strange . . .

But sometimes the darned things are stuck; glued with the resistance of ages; lies fed and believed; and sometimes just ‘stuck’ because you’ve got to figure out the combination to unlock them.

Here’s what I’m seeing (now for the first time in years; this knowledge has been dawning over the past few days):

There were some major changes in place for Mikie between the ages of 10 or so and 13 or so.  There was the emergence of a new controlling system.  There was the so-called ‘death’ of the old one.  And there were some severe problems occuring ‘between’ the two systems (one hurt and damaged; the other harsh with hatred and accusing).

And that’s something else we’ve realized and would like to poise the question to you (my DID/MPD friends): How many controllers have YOU had during  your lifetime?  Just a point of interest to us.  We’re counting 3, excluding ‘the original one’.  If you’re MPD, then you know what I’m talking about.  If not: don’t worry about it.  It’s not your area of expertise anyway.

We’re gonna ‘slow down’ a bit, take some indepth analysis of this thing; these chains of events.  You’ll have to forgive me if we’re gonna be somewhat redundant.  I want to be clear here: this is about ME and US healing; not for you and your friends to a) laugh and giggle at; or b) ‘wow, lets see whut this nuts doin’ today – and incidently, I’m hoping someone somewhere gets some use out of this thing – either by a light going on and saying “there I am!” – and hopefully being guided on some kind of cure – or at least a record of one man’s madness here in the 21st century.

Until later: we’ve got some work to do.  Can’t make progress sittin’ still – something we’ve all learned in the Marines, LOL!

By the way: some of these posts: the ‘Triggering Ones” (or ones we feel may trigger someone) are going to be posted in The Little Shop of Horrors.  Just in case you want to see.  Free choice, babe, all the time!  Just be careful if you ‘trigger’ over things easy, o’tay?  Be safe.

Wooo-ya!  And off we go!  Until later, my man!


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle ( ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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