Social Stigma: The Covering Up of DID

It just occurred to us: we should blog about the ‘covering up of DID symptoms”.  As in we don’t go around introducing ourselves as “we”.

Usually when we are greeting someone, we don’t say: “We are glad to meet you.”  Instead we might just say: “Glad to meet you.” (avoiding the “I” thing; so we are not lying, just covering up through omission.)

We tend to put things into the terms of “I” – and it’s for other people’s comfort, not ‘mine’ (though technically I think in terms of ‘ours’, when M3 (the outside personality – usually) – is ‘in charge’).

Therefore, we do not say “Matthew was attacking a machine gun nest one night and got himself hurt real bad (and for all time).”  Instead we say “I was attacking a machine gun nest and got real hurt real bad one time.”

And this is for the comfort of other living people: the ones ‘outside’ and all around us.

And yet we find ourself slipping sometimes, slipping “‘we’ and ‘us'” into conversation: innocently enough; sometimes so that others think we are talking about we and them, and not just ourselves on the inside.

For instance, our daughter once bought my wife some candy; we were remarking how “we know she loves that!” (type of candy) when our daughter turned around to us and said, “What do you mean “WE?”.  I’m the one who picked it out and bought that thing!  You weren’t even there!”

Yes, we have those faux pas sometimes.

But why are we doing this thing: this hiding of selves inside?  Don’t you ‘normal’ people realize you are hurting us with this thing; hurting this thing he/and we call ‘system’ – and (infuriatingly) – possible ‘damaging’ us (or at least not helping one bit at all) by ‘forcing us’ to ‘hide’?

We can’t ‘be ourselves’ when we are always having to hide who and what we are and have become.

And we realize the reasons: it’s not just because ‘you’ (the general public) are uncomfortable with the thing; it’s not just because you don’t understand – it’s because you ‘attack’ us with the social stigma thing; nobody can hold secrets anymore; we can’t trust you to ‘blab’ to someone; you might hurt us with this thing.

It’s a survival thing, after all, this thing we are doing: hiding from YOU, the general public and things (social media outlets – too many things and forums and general public things we aren’t mentioning.)  You can hurt us – and DO – with your general (and mostly uneducated) comments and things, based upon your own misconceptions.

WE are: strong and smart and funny sometimes.  “We” are classed a ‘genius problem solver’ with a high IQ and organizational techniques (yes, and we are ISO trained; were before ‘ISO’ training became popular).  People say “I’m” a laid back being; easy to get along with, though I and we have a general ‘funk’ sometimes (but don’t we ALL – you and the general people?  What’s wrong with US that WE can’t have this thing as well?   Are we supposed to be more than perfect than you, that we should be ‘better’ than you in some way: never growing depressed, never growing ‘alone’, never feeling this thing or that?  Are WE so different from you general humans and all that you must shun us sometimes?  and lock us away in some kind of embarrassment; like we are some kind of animal or some social experiment gone horribly wrong and awry in sometime and way?  Why are you doing that to us?  Why can’t you let us be?  And be “me” (and all our selves in-between.)

When we were an engineering designer (and so good with the world’s leading 3D CAD program and xrefs & xclips etc ad infinitum that the company gave us the $3500 program, saying we were 10 years ahead of the industry curve – AND where THEY wanted folks to be 10 years from now – and the best in a 350 mile radius, if not more – handling 30 thousand engineering docs & validation reports & drawings & whatnot – and NEVER losing one! – and able to find any in under 15 minutes – WE used to accidentally say:

“We’re working on it.” or “We think if you do this, you’ll save (x-dollars, up to 1.2 mil one time.)” and THEY would look at me (and us) curiously and say “We?”

And I would say (quite honestly): “Yeah, me and the little voices in my head.”

And then I’d chuckle or someone would start laughing, and we might all make us a little joke or two, diminishing the thing.

If they only knew: I was indeed several people; and they were getting a half dozen or so: all for the price of one.  (Lots of laughing on the inside right now!)

So we with DID can be: extremely functional and extremely smart.  We can be all you want us to be – and more, even, sometimes.  And yet I know: you fear us, and would reject us – maybe even feeling some kind of pity on us – never realizing what you just left behind.

A treasure indeed.  A dozen minds in one.  And all of them working for you.

BUT:

It makes me and US sick inside sometimes; this constant ‘hiding’ from you – hiding RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES – while all the while knowing: if we were to reveal this thing, go up to you and shake your hand and say “WE are glad in meeting you; all of us, me included” – you would go away and shaking your head, brand us all as ‘crazy’ and needing some intensive therapy for some time (and maybe in my/and our case – a looonnng time.)  Can you say life sentence, anyone?  A life sentence of ‘hiding ones self’ from you and all of mankind?

That’s not a very human thing to do: especially to another human being.

And you’re doing it to all of us; making US do it instead; making us fear you – when you are the one fearing US – simply because we’re different.

But in my opinion (and OUR opinion) – you’re the ones who are crazy.  We’ve got a whole family inside, and we are carrying them EVERYWHERE – and WE are glad to meet you.  Why are you not glad to meet us?

For WE are loving and caring beings, despite your misconceptions and things . . .

And yet you continue putting us down.

No wonder one (and two) parts of me are hating you.

You just don’t understand.

(and you call ME crazy instead.  Shame on you; and we’re just getting along.  But get this, ‘folks’:

We’re loving you anyway – and forgiving you (albeit somewhat reluctantly) – for doing this to us.

Persecution’s a bitch.  But then again (thinking): we know someone else who went through that one.

You just don’t understand.
(we thinks he also said something about that one, too.)

God bless ya and keep ya – and light your eyes with understanding – and compassion for your fellow man.

Or men, as the case may be.

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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2 Responses to Social Stigma: The Covering Up of DID

  1. Astrid says:

    We rarely use the word “we” outside of DID circles, but we struggle with parts not being called by their own name. We used to insist staff call us all by our respective names unless unsafe people (eg. fellow patients) were around. Now the staff are not allowed to call us by name anymore (something about “reinforcing” switching) and we struggle to hide that we are we.

    However, once on a DID forum, I was told that we are fake because parts insist on being called by their own names and we sometimes say “we”. This was all unreal, because DID is supposed to be a disorder that should remain hidden. I can understand why DID remains hidden for years when in an abusive situation or around untrusted people, but I fail to see why we should hide our DID from safe people.

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    • jeffssong says:

      I ‘slip’ sometimes with “we” and “our” in speech with non-DID folks; I think in terms of “we”, “our”, but also “I” (as an independent controller) and the alters use “I” to address themselves. Seems to be an “on the top” (outside self) thing; doesn’t bother us.

      As for the usage of our inner names: we don’t expect people to be doing it because we are realizing: they don’t know “who I am”. So my given name is all right with ‘them’ (meaning my own Crowd). We all know we look the same on the outside (even if some of us aren’t into liking it – reality says: that’s the way it is, baby: better get used to accepting that one.) However, “body” is the last on everyone’s list, LOL’ing! (Not the best thing to do, BTW!)

      In my case, 2 people know I’m DID: my wife and daughter. Neither one is into talking about it with me, and (sighing here) – we have taken a promise to ourselves that “She must ask ‘what is going on’,” first before we can begin saying anything. (And I’m not into breaking promises, got a blog posting on that one: http://wp.me/s1t0dv-promises). This is due to the hurting I and we put on her some time in the past (not physical; an emotional thing). We’d tried integrating – and failed, twice, both time rather . . . spectacularly. This time we’re hoping we’re into succeeding! (Things go well; system cooperating; Matthew settling down; still gotta work WITH him; not against him.)

      As for hiding the DID – I finally said: hey – I don’t need the money (that comes with a job). I’m a disabled Marine. I keep my wants small and simple. Even on SSDI (and after deductions) – I manage to put some aside (I like taking trips and some adventures.) LOL, broke back and all. (I get around fine; I just can’t work ‘steady’, as in long 8 hour days, and I’m in pain 24/7/365 – but that’s okay; we’re alive and not complaining, and laugh instead of crying – it’s more fun that way.) I learned a long time ago: happiness can come (in part) by not wanting anything, though I spent a loonngg time getting what I need in place to ‘learn’ here in the latter half of my lifetime. (got more stuff than I can shake a stick at – and know how to use it, LOL’ing!)

      Part of the thing is this: while not openly advertising I’m DID – I’m not into ‘hiding’ it so much anymore. Not as much. If people want to think the more or less of me: then so be it! I know who I am (or what I am, which is one of many things) – and I have my past to ‘prove them wrong’ if they get to saying anything stupid and things. (we are sharp-witted as well, BTW: verrry sharp when it comes to dealing with trolls and things – even in real life: people have said I’m “evil, bad, and the Son of Satan” when it comes down to ‘cut-fights’, meaning verbal altercations. Yeah, I’m that good – but laughing all the time.

      I’m sorry you got called ‘faker’ or something; these things happen. You gotta realize: it takes all kinds, and there’s all kinds of variants in the DID field (including us, their so-called patients). I ran across one blog (shuddering – you can take a look if you want: ). Folks are ignorant: they think this is a horrible and terrible thing, and I’m thinking it isn’t. It’s some kind of blessing; a compensation for our abuse. God has granted us many souls and things; its just up to us to find them – bind them together into some kind of working family – and as someone’s therapist once said, “get them all rowing in one kind of direction”. Binding families together means one thing to me: the things I’ve always wanted and craved: compassion and love and happiness and forgiveness towards one another. If “they” (the outside world) can’t handle this one; too bad for them. I’m not going to care; I’m not going to let them affect ‘who’ I am and ‘who’ I am becoming. It’s all the same to me, whether ‘we be one’ or ‘we be twenty’. Don’t let the world define you, dear. (we all fight that one – every last human being on earth, BTW!)

      Glad to hear from you; always glad. (Better than the ‘dark old days’, by far, anyway!). It’s gonna take some time – but I’m sure both you and I (and all our interior ones) are gonna be getting better in time – as “we” all come together inside! (You, too, hon!)

      Take care, & bye-bye for now!

      Like

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