It just occurred to us: we should blog about the ‘covering up of DID symptoms”. As in we don’t go around introducing ourselves as “we”.
Usually when we are greeting someone, we don’t say: “We are glad to meet you.” Instead we might just say: “Glad to meet you.” (avoiding the “I” thing; so we are not lying, just covering up through omission.)
We tend to put things into the terms of “I” – and it’s for other people’s comfort, not ‘mine’ (though technically I think in terms of ‘ours’, when M3 (the outside personality – usually) – is ‘in charge’).
Therefore, we do not say “Matthew was attacking a machine gun nest one night and got himself hurt real bad (and for all time).” Instead we say “I was attacking a machine gun nest and got real hurt real bad one time.”
And this is for the comfort of other living people: the ones ‘outside’ and all around us.
And yet we find ourself slipping sometimes, slipping “‘we’ and ‘us'” into conversation: innocently enough; sometimes so that others think we are talking about we and them, and not just ourselves on the inside.
For instance, our daughter once bought my wife some candy; we were remarking how “we know she loves that!” (type of candy) when our daughter turned around to us and said, “What do you mean “WE?”. I’m the one who picked it out and bought that thing! You weren’t even there!”
Yes, we have those faux pas sometimes.
But why are we doing this thing: this hiding of selves inside? Don’t you ‘normal’ people realize you are hurting us with this thing; hurting this thing he/and we call ‘system’ – and (infuriatingly) – possible ‘damaging’ us (or at least not helping one bit at all) by ‘forcing us’ to ‘hide’?
We can’t ‘be ourselves’ when we are always having to hide who and what we are and have become.
And we realize the reasons: it’s not just because ‘you’ (the general public) are uncomfortable with the thing; it’s not just because you don’t understand – it’s because you ‘attack’ us with the social stigma thing; nobody can hold secrets anymore; we can’t trust you to ‘blab’ to someone; you might hurt us with this thing.
It’s a survival thing, after all, this thing we are doing: hiding from YOU, the general public and things (social media outlets – too many things and forums and general public things we aren’t mentioning.) You can hurt us – and DO – with your general (and mostly uneducated) comments and things, based upon your own misconceptions.
WE are: strong and smart and funny sometimes. “We” are classed a ‘genius problem solver’ with a high IQ and organizational techniques (yes, and we are ISO trained; were before ‘ISO’ training became popular). People say “I’m” a laid back being; easy to get along with, though I and we have a general ‘funk’ sometimes (but don’t we ALL – you and the general people? What’s wrong with US that WE can’t have this thing as well? Are we supposed to be more than perfect than you, that we should be ‘better’ than you in some way: never growing depressed, never growing ‘alone’, never feeling this thing or that? Are WE so different from you general humans and all that you must shun us sometimes? and lock us away in some kind of embarrassment; like we are some kind of animal or some social experiment gone horribly wrong and awry in sometime and way? Why are you doing that to us? Why can’t you let us be? And be “me” (and all our selves in-between.)
When we were an engineering designer (and so good with the world’s leading 3D CAD program and xrefs & xclips etc ad infinitum that the company gave us the $3500 program, saying we were 10 years ahead of the industry curve – AND where THEY wanted folks to be 10 years from now – and the best in a 350 mile radius, if not more – handling 30 thousand engineering docs & validation reports & drawings & whatnot – and NEVER losing one! – and able to find any in under 15 minutes – WE used to accidentally say:
“We’re working on it.” or “We think if you do this, you’ll save (x-dollars, up to 1.2 mil one time.)” and THEY would look at me (and us) curiously and say “We?”
And I would say (quite honestly): “Yeah, me and the little voices in my head.”
And then I’d chuckle or someone would start laughing, and we might all make us a little joke or two, diminishing the thing.
If they only knew: I was indeed several people; and they were getting a half dozen or so: all for the price of one. (Lots of laughing on the inside right now!)
So we with DID can be: extremely functional and extremely smart. We can be all you want us to be – and more, even, sometimes. And yet I know: you fear us, and would reject us – maybe even feeling some kind of pity on us – never realizing what you just left behind.
A treasure indeed. A dozen minds in one. And all of them working for you.
It makes me and US sick inside sometimes; this constant ‘hiding’ from you – hiding RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES – while all the while knowing: if we were to reveal this thing, go up to you and shake your hand and say “WE are glad in meeting you; all of us, me included” – you would go away and shaking your head, brand us all as ‘crazy’ and needing some intensive therapy for some time (and maybe in my/and our case – a looonnng time.) Can you say life sentence, anyone? A life sentence of ‘hiding ones self’ from you and all of mankind?
That’s not a very human thing to do: especially to another human being.
And you’re doing it to all of us; making US do it instead; making us fear you – when you are the one fearing US – simply because we’re different.
But in my opinion (and OUR opinion) – you’re the ones who are crazy. We’ve got a whole family inside, and we are carrying them EVERYWHERE – and WE are glad to meet you. Why are you not glad to meet us?
For WE are loving and caring beings, despite your misconceptions and things . . .
And yet you continue putting us down.
No wonder one (and two) parts of me are hating you.
You just don’t understand.
(and you call ME crazy instead. Shame on you; and we’re just getting along. But get this, ‘folks’:
We’re loving you anyway – and forgiving you (albeit somewhat reluctantly) – for doing this to us.
Persecution’s a bitch. But then again (thinking): we know someone else who went through that one.
You just don’t understand.
(we thinks he also said something about that one, too.)
Or men, as the case may be.