I don’t know how many folks know we are carrying two blogs here – this one and the one entitled “Little Shop of Horrors“.
The differences in the blogs are subtle; and yet clear in my and our minds when we made them: This one was to be for “non-triggering issues, stories, and things” (while helping me along on our own road to ‘survival’, happiness and things) – with an eye towards “helping someone, somewhere, with something they’re doing.”
The other one (Little Shop of Horrors) was (and is I suppose) to be those kinds of things which might trigger someone – the past, stories of my childhood and the like. When Bad Things Happened (the child in my mind says that one with All Caps in mind; thinking: “There’s monsters in them woods” and picturing the book called “Where The Wild Things Are” – only the title is reading (squinting in my head) – “Where the Monsters Lurk”.)
To really know who I am (and where we all came from) – you’d have to be reading both of them. (Poor Reader; I’m pitying you! We are a proficient and profuse writer – please don’t try to take them all in in one sitting! Please! LOL’ing; be happy; don’t fret, and don’t get no durned headache trying to figure this thing out!)
But be aware: some of the stories in my Little Shop of Horrors can be triggering. Some are so triggering I can’t hardly stand to read them. Most are from my “past” – posting on Tokoni.com; a now defunct website. (We chose it specifically for that reason; knowing it would go defunct sometime.)
But here’s the clique; the click, the catch, and the interesting thing (at least to me; parts of me don’t care what YOU, my dear friends and readers, are interested in; parts of me are concentrating solely and sorely on healing us (“All together my friends!”, Jeffery calls, singing his song of togetherness: “We’re all in this together, now matter what the weather – we’ll always get along! Boomp-pah-dom-pa-doomph!).
But then (about 20 minutes ago) – it occurred to me:
In some ways ‘this’ blog refers to the way I am healing; what I am doing; how I (and WE) are thinking; things we’ve done, things we’re doing … giving you a “Live View” (thinking of it as “Streaming Video”) – into the mind of a madman – one one who is getting well – or at least on a different path than some of the other folks by embracing my madness and becoming ‘one’ with it rather than ‘drowning’ the ‘others’ voices out – or worse, as I’ve done in the past, “burying them” – only to find they come out walking like some Hollywood zombies, trying to eat my brain! LOL’ing!)
The other blog (Little Shop of Horrors) refers to the things that drove me to create this blog; the sufferings, the abuse (and some in graphic detail – I’m warning you folks! The worst has yet to come … because it simply hurts to much to even be there! I’ve got ‘old’ posts from that Tokoni site that I simply can’t READ anymore – not that I’ve read them in years – but the fact it: they are simply too painful for me and us (and god, oh our dear children, the tender, compassionate and loving souls inside …. such sadness no vessel can contain without shattering – which, come to think about it, is what I and we did (very mucking sad right now …. but lightening; moving my mind off of ‘it’ and ‘things’).
But THE most interesting thing (again to me and ‘them’ and not necessarily to YOU, my friend) – is the changes in attitudes and perceptions I’m getting – (and sometimes noting on the end – or beginning of those old Tokoni postings) – and ‘monitoring’ and ‘studying’ the changes with my Scientific mind (Notetaker not far behind!) – and using them to further my own self-analysis.
Anyway: just wanted to record the thought for posterity, and summing up, my friend (business class: thesis writing: say it once, say it again; then summing it all up – right, friends?):
We finally figured this one out:
This blog represents my NOW and Future being; the other one represents my past.
Go on, go figuring – I know we constantly are – and being amazed by “someone’s” clever thinking and cunning and planning – doing it ‘all in the background’ – while it’s happening right in front of my eyes. And sometimes in doing ‘it’ (the planning) – us not seeing the end(?) results for years! Weird, huh?
The wonders of DID. Both advantages and disadvantages “in there” (seeing the galaxies and universe in my mind – our ‘multiverse’, and the essence and expression of someone’s mind … given DID.)