What is it? We’ve all heard the phrase “anxiety attack”. But what IS an anxiety attack – aside from all those emotions and feelings stirring around and surging up and building up inside of you stirring up and making more feelings of doubt and worry and shame and things just building up and building up until
You’re sitting there clutching your chest (or stomach) or head and knees and almost throwing up your stomach full of butterflies and your head full of bees.
Whew, whut an emotion.
Except it’s not an emotion at all. It’s a mix of things – a GRAND mix – of almost every emotion you’ve ever had . . .
or something like that.
It might be a sense of battling emotions (I want him I need him I can’t stand him he’s bad for me in this kinda way …. making me SCARED of him and SCARED for me but I want him in this kinda way …)
And on and on it goes.
Being DID lets me kind of get a handle on my emotions; I can ‘sort them out’ by ‘damping them down’ – usually individually, one at a time – or going the OTHER way: becoming quite numb and letting ‘things’ (friends) “SPEAK” to me one at a time – analysing “their” emotions and the roots of them; verifying, localling (locating the source of their emotions) – one at a time.
Really helps cut down on that “anxiety” kind of thing.
For some of you it don’t come quite that easy; and I’m recognizing that thing in you: you have a RIGHT to your own emotions and the way you feel/and are feeling. All of the time.
Just don’t come and say “somebody made me mad” – because you’re the one doing it to yourself – through your own perceptions and things (though crossing boundaries is something to be mad about – either them crossing yours, or you crossing your own sometimes – but best settling it out before anyone gets mad – avoiding that potential trigger – leading to some more ’emotions’ fighting and dickering it out – helps sometimes.
Nip it in the bud kind of feeling right there; said on my own behalf. It’s best to catch these things early – before they become that raging balloon that just can wait to come bursting OUT of you – yelling at someone on your behalf while it’s someone (or someTHING) else that done went and made you mad (or something).
Not saying “control your own emotions”. Just kinda learn to “feel them out” one-at-a-time – until you ‘get the hang of this thing’. Especially my own selves included: we get rompus sometimes; beating each other about the head (but gently sometimes – most times – because we do it with love and understanding; using those as tools of ‘logic’ rather than the rational of brute force and ‘laboring’ to bury / uncover something.
It seems to be working much better. Not to say “we” can’t inspire a “panic (or anxiety) attack” in this thing that we’re calling the “human body”. We can. Certain memories can ‘trigger us off’ – though we are much better at handling them. A stranger’s touch (at the wrong time) – and wham! Quick turn of heart: we’re stomping on that thing (panic/anxiety) before it can even get going – recognizing the ‘threat’ as not being one (maybe just a hug of encouragement) – and ‘moving on’ (heart racing perhaps a bit, but becoming a bit better.)
It’s kinda like that thing.
Anyway: good luck getting a handle on that ‘panic’ cum laud “anxiety” thing – recognize it as different emotions. See if you can’t get a grip on the thing – one thing at a time: settling yourself down by recognizing within yourself the “paniced” thing – and taking a look around you.
sometimes it helps, sometimes it hurts. I don’t know about this thing.
I just know what I’m feeling (and learning) … and trying to help you with this thing.
So as always: take what you need and leave the rest; everyone to their own journey through time. See what you need; go on pick it up – who knows . . .
It might just help you get your mind off of whatever is causing your panic attack – just by thinking about this thing and going:
“What in the hell was he TALKING about?” …. and wondering about that one thing.