While On Our Voyage of Self-Discovery

We made a lot of discoveries during our trip to PR.

We found that male survivors are still cast aside, ignored, and put down.  We found NO ONE is willing to help them – not the law, not their families, not their friends . . .

Our own family doctor had us involuntarily committed . . . because we came to him with a tale of how we’d become abused by that MKULTRA (or a Cult thereof) faction.  Instead of treating our wounds, he sent the cops to our house, then tricked us – and the next thing we knew, we were on the way into the nuthouse.

We did rather well in there (nothing wrong with us; just being happy and all) – and so they were forced to release us ten days later.  Go figure.

They never did treat our wounds (physical ones at that!) – but luckily, we’re a fast healer and using our medical knowledge, had taken appropriate action to prevent infection; however, we still must get the doc to test us for internal parasites (if he will) as we were ‘living off the land’ when we made our getaway – escaping from the cultists and fleeing on foot through wood, field, and town.  AND we lost a lot of weight (30 pounds in 11 days) – something the hospitals failed to address until our last few days there.   We lost even MORE weight during our first few days in the hospital – they ‘forgot’ to feed us for the first day and a half – and then had us on “dietary rations” for the next week or so.  It was bad enough being abused in PR – then to come home and get abused more.  Go figure.  I can’t.  And nobody is helping us . . . not that they ever did.

We have tried talking to . . . everyone.  NO ONE is willing to help – the local cops say it’s not their problem; the county cops say “go to P.R. and file some charges” (???? What??? Fly BACK to where I was abused – on my OWN dime? – just to file some charges that may or may NOT come about???  I don’t think so . . . we got wary regarding Puerto Rico – and they are wanting me to fly BACK just to fill out some paperwork or something???  I don’t think so!!!)

The FBI said it was a CIA problem.  The CIA?  Well . . . that’s a problem in and of itself.  The National Security Agency (of which there is a major installation in our area) admitted knowing of this “problem” (the MKULTRA kind of thing and the cult activity which is going on) – but they, too, refused to get involved . . .

We’re also at a crux when debating whether or not we should go back to our family doctor and once friend.  He’s the one who ‘turned us in’ (for being abused) – despite professing his ignorance on ‘mental issues’ – when all we had gone to him for was getting ourselves physically checked out.  Now he’s a ‘good’ (or at least okay) doc – one we’ve been seeing for almost twenty-five years – but we’ve lost our trust in him.  Who’s to say this character won’t have us locked up once again . . . because he’s scared??  (People are sooo often scared of things they don’t understand . . . and just so YOU understand, we understand that they feel this type of thing should be ‘controlled’ – meaning ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – and therefore no longer scaring you.)  We can forgive that, but even still . . .

that doesn’t mean we don’t find it less frustrating.

One thing that bothered folks the most:

We came back HAPPY.  We came back CURED.  WE CAME BACK HEALED.

And that’s an important thing . . . but no one seems to understand it.  Admittedly, “we” barely do.

And that’s one thing, too, you gotta realize:

Just because I say we came back “cured” and “healed” doesn’t mean that WE are not a multiple being . . .

It just means we don’t fight anymore, and we love one another very much . . . get along ‘together’ quite well … having found what each of us is “for”; our ‘purposes’ . . .

We developed some very high respect for our “little one” (Mikie) and his ‘fellow’ (the older one), Matthew – for in escaping from Puerto Rico we saw their strengths, their loves, their sadnesses and greif – and without Mikie and Matthew we KNOW we would not have made it out of Puerto Rico alive.  Mikie . . . we’ve got a whole new chapter to write on him and Matthew and our “Soldier Being”. . .

And we found things that were most wonderous and . . . gee, well.

There just aren’t words for some of the things we felt, experienced, and went through . . .

But rest assured: we are ‘most wonderful’ – meaning happy at heart, no longer ashamed about our child abuse issues – and most importantly, loving and forgiving . . . while at the same time being able to draw our boundaries, get mad, and mete out punishment when and where once deserved.  We no longer care what other people think . . . nor do we get upset about ourselves anymore . . . and we love and forgive regardless . . .

That goes for that ‘friend’ of ours who abused us, locked us up, starved us and fed us drugs to meet some weird cultist agenda and goal of his and the community he was (and is) in.  We forgive him, love him . . . but that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna be hardwith him when (and if) he ever comes back . . .

After all …

when you count it all up and add the tally ….

we won.

We’re happy and he’s not.

And that, folks, counts as a win in anyone’s book.

Don’t you think so?

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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