Understanding the Multiple Personality: FEELINGS

So many people just don’t ‘get it’.  I suppose that comes from them being sort of ‘monominds’ (or, as another DID person has put it, “singletons”) – so I (and We!! LOL’ing!) – sympathize with them.  After all, they can’t help being what they are any more than we can help being what WE are – a multiple being, a person with MPD*.

“I don’t understand you,” my wife and daughter often say.  “How can you forgive someone – hate them – and then love them nonetheless?  I don’t understand . . .”

Well, quite simply it’s easy.

I’m a “DID” victim; more specifically, I am “MPD” – that is I (and WE!) have multiple personalities.  What that means is that WE are able to feel many sorts of things . . .

All at one time.

Imagine: you’ve got a family.  Someone treats you ‘not just right’ – perhaps cheating you, lying to you, or stealing from you . . .

Are you going to hate them?

Perhaps.

But here’s the thing: when it’s a child – YOUR child – do you forgive them?  Do you love them any less for what they’re doing?  (Or not doing?)

No.  You condemn the behavior while loving the person – forgiving them for what they are doing – while ‘helping’ them move on by forcing them to realize their behavior isn’t to the benefit of all mankind – or even themselves, sometimes.

And sometimes this means punishing them.

Do you whip a child with hate and fear in your heart?

Society does – in a way – when it punishes a grownup for a childlike behavior – when it ‘avoids’ them or incarcerates them . . .

and yet sometimes punishment needs to be meted.

Why is it we are so forgiving towards children – and yet so hard in our hearts towards our fellow grownups?  Is it really just because we feel they should be so much better than we are?  That they should not lie (while we do?) – that they should not take advantage of others (while we’re busily ripping them off?)  . . .

Just questions.  I know this.  We ALL know this: it’s just wrong . . .

and yet ‘we’ (people and society at large) DO this sort of thing . . .

and yet “me”…

Me.

Unable to forgive some things, I find in my heart (and my personalities) those who are endlessly forgiving, wanting to reach a hand ‘out to you’ – helping you in some way – while another part of me detests what I’m doing …. hating you all, and wishing you were dead (“you deserve it, by the way,” this thing is saying . . .)

and yet it is with love in our hearts (ALL our hearts) – because we get deathly sick and tired of you . . . never listening, rarely doing the ‘right thing’ – helping one another (and yet you all pass each other by – passing BY each OTHER on the road in your nightmare – each unwilling to help the other out due to your own fears and mistrust of another person who is probably going through some kind of hell . . . just like you.  Don’t YOU wish they would reach out to you?  And why won’t YOU reach out to them first??  We want to know . . . because we care…)

and yet this does not apply to everyone.  Indeed, in their hearts, we’ve found most people are filled with fear – and love.  Fear of somebody abusing them – and a twisted, confused sort of ‘general love’ for all mankind that’s been beaten down and abused out of them . . .

a general sort of ‘mistrust’ sort of thing, based upon personal experiences and emotional outcome . . .

Luckily, we are not only able to feel this sort of thing – we are able to shut this sort of thing ‘off’ in us (quieting down that sort of personality) – and (cautiously now that we’ve been screwed again) – letting our love shine through.

That’s saying something.  I’m sort of wondering if ‘most’ people can do this sort of thing:

Love someone while hating them; severely punishing them for their wrongful behavior – while generally helping them along  – looking them dead in the eye and saying “Screw YOU!” – while keeping tabs on their behavior and progress – and always willing to offer a helping hand, or an encouraging word . . .

Like I’ve said: We’re not so much different than you – only ‘better’ in some ways.

We can feel these many things . . .

All at one time.

(Go Team, Go!  rah, rah rah!)

and we’re smiling again.

What that means

(*I – and WE – refuse to use the “DID” diagnosis as that does not apply to “me” and “mine” and ours . . . WE are MPD – multiple personality diagnosis (NOT a disorder) – and DID covers such a wide range of things . . . )

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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