It’s Your Choice

It’s your choice.
You choose whether you feel happy or sad about something.
You choose whether something is a gain or a loss.
You choose whether or not to learn the lesson given or implied.
You choose whether to take that first step forward – or not.
You choose whether to retreat and hide
or go boldly and brightly into the darkness
sweeping danger aside.

It’s your choice
whether to learn the lessons life has taught you
and learn those lessons well
or to sit in the dark depths of despair
and let life be a living hell.
It’s your choice whether to wallow in a life of self pity and suffering
or to look at the lessons learned
to find the truth in the darkness; compassion and understanding
where the flames of hatred once burned.

Look at those soot marks.
See the patterns there.
They are your life.
What are you going to do about it?
It’s your choice.
You decide.

Whether to go forward
or hide in fear and shadow
afraid to speak up with your voice and say:
“THIS was done to me,”
and attempting to stop not only what was done from ever happening again
but choosing not to let it ruin your life again
by wallowing in the darkness
of self-pity and despair
if only for the glory of feeling
the pain and anguish there.
It’s your choice
and your life.

You decide.

To reach out to another human being
setting your fears aside
to know what they know because you’ve been there,
You know what it’s like to hide
your feelings and your fears and your rage and your pain
never telling about your suffering, or getting beat again and again.
Your choice.
You decide.

We’re not going to make that decision for you.

Only you can do that for yourself.

So decide.

Are you going to continue wallowing in that pit of self-despair?
or using your knowledge, leave it ‘back there’
in your past
where it belongs
not today.

You decide.
It’s hard to get over it when it’s all over you.
It’s even harder to “let go” when it won’t let go of you.
And the anger you feel,
the pain you feel,
the betrayal you feel,
the sadness  you feel,

all these things are real
and have in them lessons to be learned.
Learn them or not.
It’s your choice.
You decide.

We can’t do that for you.

Learn to live and forgive; to love and understand – for by understanding you will come to love
and through loving: forgive.

And in that is the greatest lesson of them all:
WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

You can decide to live with that
or not.

You decide.

It’s your choice in everything – to see the brightness and beauty – and hang onto it
or (As we once did)
simply decide to hang on just one more day
in the hope of having hope someday
and we did.

We decided.

To be loving and be true – forgiving others before they were even forgiven
to accept them as they are.
Meting out punishment as required (but with a loving and sad hand)
learning lessons . . . teaching lessons . . .
It’s a hard world.
But it can be fun.
You decide which is right for you:

The pain of yesterday burning on into tomorrow
or the light of another day . . .

You decide.

Because we not only can’t,
we won’t.

You decide.
We already did.

 

~ Peace and Love & Happiness to All
Jeff and his best Friends.

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in Anger, child abuse survivor, depression, DID, Education, Happiness, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to It’s Your Choice

  1. We do have choice and free agency. Sometimes with mental illnesses our thinking gets clouded and the only choices we seem to have are choices that lead to further depression. But it is true that we do have a choice to go the other direction, we just often don’t see it as we allow ourselves to have clouded thinking and sink into depression etc.

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  2. lsbee56 says:

    Hi this touches and maybe it is what makes all the difference: Do we decide to take our lives in our hand and not let the abusers win any more! NO it is NOT easy but it is worth fighting for!

    Thanks for this blog entry!

    Like

  3. jeffssong says:

    We know from experience that making the ‘choice’ (the thought process) is easy – way too easy. We did that for a long time – and still have to consciously make that decision on a daily basis (just as we used to have to tell ourselves on a daily basis: ‘We want to kill ourselves . . . but not right now…’). *Internalizing* (feeling it way deep inside) the ‘choice’ is much, much harder. That we recognize, sympathize with, and well understand. As we used to say: “I’d love to let it GO – if IT would only let go of ME!!”. And yes, that is/was a frustrated cry – ‘knowing’ what we didn’t WANT to feel – but feeling it anyway. I and we won’t pretend that it (the above about “It’s Your Choice”) is easy. It isn’t. It’s one of the hardest things you can do. But once you get your mind around it – once you realize that it is YOU and YOUR perceptions which control how you feel about things, then perhaps you can start taking control of your own emotions.

    We wish nothing but stars, happiness, and wonder for all of our survivor friends out there – knowing – FEELING – in our core our past pains, agonies, and griefs – and knowing: It can be dealt with. You CAN have a happier life within yourself. It just takes time and realizations . . . facing hard facts, learning understanding of those who abused you – maybe not ‘forgiving’ them but accepting that yes: this happened to me – and then ‘moving on’ (albeit sometimes slowly, crippledly) – to a greater joy in life, and not so caught up in the past.

    But . . . that IS your decision and your choice as always – and no one can make it for you.
    (sadly . . . for those who cannot ‘feel’ this – hoping you can . . . one day). And if you can’t . . . if the choice is too hard … we understand, and offer you this song of hope…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HRa4X07jdE

    Peace, Love, & Happiness.
    Jeff, Friends, and et all.

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  4. Hi, you are perfectly right: The hardest part is to get your mind around that no matter what we experienced we still have a choice. Taking that choice means taking responsibility having the joy of having responsibility for ourselves and most of all take it away from the abuser. Not letting them win, not letting them win. That is what counts.
    Your Blog is a great inspiration. It has become important to me as you express a lot that I have been feeling for a long time but had no words for it yet. Most of all your caring way for all of us, all those who are winning, those who start to win but most of all those who do not seem to win. I think it just seems like that. No matter how we struggle in the now just the fact we survived means we won!

    I take part in the Wordless Wednesdays but have changed them a bit. Every Wednesday I just post a picture but give it as a kind of reward to helpful healing blogs. This one might interest you:
    http://healfromabuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/wordless-wednesday.html! Thank you so much! Be blessed!

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  5. jeffssong says:

    Thank you, LIsa, for your comment and posting on your blog. We have observed Wordless Wednesday – but we are rarely so wordless! (LOL, advantage of having a DID mind going on: there’s always someone who has something to say about something.)

    Boy – making the ‘choice’. Gee. Sounds so easy – and it grates on my nerves knowing I wrote this – and that it is true and SO HARD to do! It IS up to the individual to internalize the knowledge that it was NOT their FAULT! – and to throw off that yoke of Shame that your abuser(s) laid upon you and/or your child’s shoulders. “Feeling” that part in you cry; “feeling” his or her terror, sadness – having other parts of you attack it simply for being there, for having gone through what YOU went through … trying to ‘set it aside’ (some part of you) … we ‘gave’ our little ‘away’ for awhile … and then sentenced him in ‘jail’ (The Iceworld http://wp.me/p1t0dv-aH ). It has been a hard long battle. But now we live in love, and Mikie lives within us – and we love. Hell, we even love our ‘bad’ parts – because they aren’t so ‘bad’ anymore . . . they are simply human.

    I wish / WE wish we could take every survivor by the hand and lead them up that path to brightness, happiness, self-forgiveness, and love . . . but we can’t. No one can. All we (and other survivors) can do is lead the way – point to the sign posts and say “there!” – and let those who know but cannot do know it can be done . . .

    By you, by me, and by everyone else . . .
    one moment, one step, one heartfelt hope at a time …

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