Joining the Human Race

Everybody says I’m different.  They all do: my family, my friends, my (ex) co-workers – everyone.  “Skilled and intelligent”, “laid back and easy going” – these are a few of the words I’ve heard used.

My daughter once told me (not so long ago!): “Dad?  I think you are the only person who loves unconditionally.”  Along with that went my ability to forgive, my ability to ‘see’ things from another person’s point of view (even the bad ones) – my dedication towards wildlife and nature; conservation, love of and respect for all living things . . . a lack of jealousy towards others or the things they have (along with the recognition that many of them earned those things) . . .

a whole lot of things, and that’s not even including the things I’ve been through, mostly thanks to “you” (mankind), starting in childhood . . . and it’s been a long lifetime . . . (no thanks to you, by the way.  Can’t count the number of times you’ve tried to kill me, put me down, shut me up . . .)

But here lately I’ve been thinking.

It’s time I joined the human race.

No longer will I hold my trash until I reach home.  Nowadays I’m gonna just chunk it out the window like regular folks seem to do . . .

No longer will I stop to help someone – indeed, if I do stop, it’s to say: “You need some help?”  and then laugh at them and walk away when they do . . .

I’m gonna start slinging those lit cigarette butts out the window, too . . .

and instead of avoiding that squirrel in the road . . . I’m gonna aim directly for his head.  Ditto turtles.  I’ve noticed a lot of drivers get some kind of joy by running over turtles.  Maybe it’s time I felt some.

When I see a fire – I’m gonna add to the flame.  When I see a man drowning – I’ll throw him a rock.  If the kids are screaming at some woman – I’m gonna start screaming, too – that she should either beat them, or get them to shut up.  And smack them around some, too, if I see that’s what’s coming.

If I see a man down on his luck – I’m gonna redouble my efforts to take what he’s got – before someone else can take it.  If I him getting kicked – I’ll just join the crowd.  Why not?  You do it, too.

If I see you got a dollar that I can make mine – I’ll smack you over the head and take it.  Legally or illegally – doesn’t matter, just as long as I can get away with it.  Lay something down, turn your back – don’t know where it went, have a heart attack.

I don’t care.

If I see a chance to do my fair share – I’ll make sure someone else gets that load.  If you do it for me – I’m gonna take credit, no longer playing it fair and square . . .

If we’re playing cards – I’m gonna mark mine, so I know what you are dealing later . . .

If I see someone hurt, sick, or injured – I’ll just walk on by with a smile, knowing that it’s not me.

In short: I’m gonna join the rest of you sick, selfish, screwed up human beings – where it’s all about ME and NONE OF YOU MATTER . . .

after all . . .

I’ll just be going along with the crowd . . .
becoming just another one of them – the human herd . . .
a human being.

After all – don’t you think I should?

Because I must be insane if I don’t . . . join you human beings . . .
and your senseless, selfish hate filled fearful callous race….
and hope this race ends soon.


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle ( ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in Anger, child abuse survivor, depression, DID, Education, Life, Matthew and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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