There’s a little bit of “trust issues” when it comes to handing someone the keys to your “house”. That is DID-speak for ‘handing’ someone the keys to ‘you’ – your inner selves and inner souls.
Imagine facing someone you do not know and handing them the keys to your house.
That’s how this feels.
That’s how therapy is.
You hand the keys to someone – and hope they don’t come in and hurt you sometime. “Damage” the house you’re in. “Steal”, “break”, or destroy the things you’ve come to build. The “real” you. Other ‘things’.
In therapy they call it “integration”. But what if you (and yourselves) don’t want to be an ‘integrated’ being? What if we like it the way it is??
It’s possible sometimes with certain beings. For one thing, we don’t ‘lose time’ – meaning suffer those amnesia periods certain beings suffer from. Some of us do lose time, but not in the typical sense of the word. It’s more like time-slipping – where one ‘goes away’ in time while another one is ‘out’ – and then the being that was ‘away’ comes back in and does something – not aware of the length of time that has gone by, but certainly aware of what we’ve been doing while we’ve been ‘there’ – and that comes from having a “good communication advantage” that some of you DID sufferers out there don’t have.
In older psych terms they used to call it having a “Borderline Personality” or something like that . . . thing is, we ‘fracture’ quite readily, and all of the time – but none of us or all of us are always aware what any of us are doing – inside, that is. Outside – everything is just fine. No unusual purchases made (though we HAVE purchased items not knowing what we were going to use them for – only to find ourselves using the thing several hours – or even days, weeks, months – and (sigh) – sometimes (yes) – even years later . . .
go figure out that one. We know what we are doing, even it appears we’re not aware of what we’re doing . . . while we’re trying to figure out why we’re doing it. Go figure (Again). Life is a bitch. DID is strange like that (even to us! sometimes) . . . not even knowing your own mind sometimes . . .
But giving away the keys to the house . . . that kind of thing . . .
That means handing someone the keys to our personalities (didn’t I just say that??? Time slipping again, confusing and LOL’s).
And we’re thinking of handing those keys with someone unskilled in using them, someone who could hurt us the worst with them; someone who could truly do some damage . . .
a vengeful person sometimes (indeed! we know this person well . . . very well indeed) . . .
But it is our honey, and our wife we are speaking of.
And handing the keys to ourselves means ‘revealing’ who ‘we are’ (to some extent – she knows already a lot of things) – but giving her our names and things . . . ways to ‘call us out’ or get the direct and certain attention of some of ourselves. (Not all. I don’t think we’re up to handing her ALL the keys in the household. Some doors were never meant to be opened ….)
But some of those keys – to our little one, Mikie, and the bigger one, Matthew – and me, the husband of the house … those things.
And maybe even those keys to the Marine in me, and the Soldier, though I gotta be careful with them. She is, after all (and like I said), a vengeful woman.
Did you know: one of the wonders of DID is I can watch a movie and type this at the same time? Yah – I’m doing this – watching “Barter Town” and …. what is it? With Mel Gibson …. and all the little kids (we LOVE the “wild one”, the “savage one”. Whut a kid. Kinda reminds us of us ….) Road Warriors … ah, yes: “Thunderdome”. Whutta movie. Right now the little man is fighting the guy on the train ….
Yeah, it’s crazy, isn’t it. But one of the advantages of being DID. My iner child is enjoying the movie (and Matthew ‘with him’, or ‘keeping an eye on’ little Mikie) – whle blogging at the same time….
LOL, well …
Momma’s home, so time to go. We have some work to do with her ….
Jeffery and friends