Discovering The Inner Child

I think everybody has an ‘inner child’ or two inside them – it’s just that they hide them so well, protecting them – ignoring them, shoving them aside with the logic of the adult world.

I think everybody has audible ‘inner voices’ which tell them what to do. I believe most folks fight with themselves, engaging in inner arguments. “Should I do this or should I do that?” seems to be common.  And who among us hasn’t heard a stranger or family member say: “Well, part of me does; part of me doesn’t.” That’s the fight between ‘us’ and ‘the others’, the emotions and feelings we harbor inside – the desires of the inner child versus the grown up being we are ‘supposed to be’ – logic versus emotion; life versus death – a drab existence versus the one we are supposed to have – a life filled with wonder and love . . .

But when it comes to the inner child . . .

Well, we could be doing ourselves a grave disservice by ignoring ‘him’ or ‘her’, the inner child inside. We lose our youth, we regulate our emotions – the world turns drab and gray, ruled by adult logic and devoid of wonder and feeling. Gone is the trust of yesterday; the open eyed innocence we once had. And there is no reason for it – none at all. It’s just what we’ve been told to do; how we’ve been told to be – by our peers and our parents, our siblings, friends, and ‘society’ at large. “Be ignorant of your emotions – ignore them! Follow the logical world instead.” Be afraid to show yourself; fear what others think – that’s the rules. But I’ve taken to throwing the rules aside; I have to. Otherwise I can never be . . . myself. Never again will I listen to that adult world when it says “Don’t laugh! Don’t stop and admire the flowers! There’s work to be done – ignore your ‘human being’ – and be what we say you are.” I’m tired of that thing: being what others expect; being what they want to be.

I just wanna be me.

I’ve found my inner ‘children’ to be hurt, wonderful beings – inquisitive, full of that youthful innocence – wanting to trust, but trusting not – slow to trust, quick with misgivings – but holding their hands out to me anyway.

Just as I struggle to hold out my hands to them.

Discovering the inner child – especially an abused one – is hard. In order to discover the joy you must bear the pain – and not only bear the pain, but ‘be there’ for him – love him (or her) despite the pain – accepting them and what happened to them – what they did – despite what happened and what they did – loving them all the way through because they are a part of YOU. It’s hard; it’ll have you remembering things you do not want to – dissecting them in detail; looking at every emotion – both that that child felt, and you felt, and feel right now towards that thing – not ‘forgiving’ them (the inner children) if there’s any ‘forgiving’ that needs done – because there IS none – you accept them by understanding who they are and who they were and who they have become . . . how YOU came about because of them and what they had done – not by hurting themselves intentionally, but perhaps (as in our case) through misguided love – or a need for something they did not have at home. There’s a lot of reasons we can be who we are – and there may be a lot of reasons to change them: our perceptions of ‘those things’, ‘those nightmares’ that went on – and move on towards forgiving and wanting our own ‘inner children’ to forgive US for ignoring them for so long – shoving them aside, and burying them in our own mind.

I think we all carry bits of ourselves – past ‘selves’ – buried deep inside, but then again, I’ve learned to beware tricks of the mind. It can be a subtle thing. When is it a ‘part’, when is it a ‘being’? We’ve all heard people arguing with themselves; people have ‘voices’ in their mind. Problem is: too many don’t listen to their EMOTIONS and feelings; they are too busy discounting those kinds of things. Comes from having a logical mind. And in the process I think we tend to ‘bury’ those ones who “don’t fit” our conceptions of who we are – they get buried in the subconscious mind – but they STILL affect who we are. They color our perceptions; they fill our emotions – sometimes we don’t even know where those emotions come from – but the inner child is a glorious thing. Or it can be. Once he (or she) comes alive inside you – consulting your adult mind; asking you . . . leading you into a new appreciation for our world of nature and things around us; a new way (and a joyful way) of looking at things. . .

As for your inner child – I’m fervently hoping that he’s still ‘alive’ – I’m almost absolutely certain he has to be, he’s just gotten locked out somewhere – away from your conscious mind. Some things are too painful to be looked at; sometimes we see ourselves – and lock them away (we’ve got parts like that). Locked up and left behind. It’s up to you to rescue him; gotta do it yourself – but if you can recover that ‘inner part’ of you – that inner child – well, why – it’s wonderful, for that’s an inquisitive mind; a younger set and way of looking at things – recapturing some of your youthful innocence – but you’ve also got to be willing to accept his pain – and accept him for what he was and is today. Hard thing to do, but well worth the struggle in the end.

So here’s hats off to those little crowds of you – inner children anywhere – hoping you can find some joy; give your ‘owner’ something to think about – bring that innocent mind, that playful laughter, that joy in the sunsets or hearing a bird call – the greenery of a leaf, or the tapestry of a cloud.

Here’s to finding dinosaurs in the mountains, and unicorns in the clouds; the wonder of looking for a frog beneath a toadstool, or making a wish on a star out loud . . .

Here’s to your inner children

and you discovering them as well.

Advertisements

About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in child abuse survivor, DID, Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Discovering The Inner Child

  1. So beautifully stated; so elegant and clear. As a survivor, I too have struggled with the deeds of those little wounded ones . . . yet what a joy it is to finally embrace each and see their part in keeping me alive and whole.

    Thank you so much for sharing this so poignantly and honestly.

    Blessings on your continuing journey of healing. We are united on this amazing and enlightening path !

    Like

Go Ahead. You were thinking . . . ?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s