When We Do Shapes And Colors . . .

The second picture below is . . . hard.  Hard to explain somehow.  This shape:

Which is like the ‘ribbon’ symbol you see on cars and things supporting this cause and that – appears in a lot of our drawings from ‘the old times’ – that is “Shapes and Colors” from when we were young – in our teens and twenties.  We started doing Shapes and Colors sometime during high school.  It was an exercise we made up and gave ourselves to practice shading.  We’d cover pages and pages with these “doodles” – usually grey scale, done with pencil, or sometimes ballpoint pen (yes – you CAN get a ‘shade’ with a cheap ballpoint pen!).  But this particular shape dominated them all – it was in every one, sometimes several times (once even a hundred).  Not that it ‘means’ anything . . . or perhaps it does, for whenever we draw it we get a ‘feeling’ – that this is some sort of symbol to us, and has always been since childhood . . .

See if you can make out what it is . . . because that basic shape (the outline of a fish; the “Christian” symbol or Pisces) . . . means to us something different.  Give it a shot before you go down to what WE feel – and ‘see’ in this sort of thing . . . and have fun with it!  (We do.  Or try.  Doing this type of art is hard . . . we must ‘zone’ on ‘out of here’ – and ‘let it be done’ by someone else in our head).

This is what we see/it means to us: A hooded figure – like a monk somehow – but this ‘shape’ is always meant (or “feels” as if it contains) a woman . . . a woman in hooded garb.  Always has been, forever in our daze and days.  But in this case (and this is the first time we’ve noticed this) – “she” is kinda like a cave leading into a mountain . . . an interesting thing, given what we remember from our past . . . that ‘witches’ dream we had, over and over again . . . not that I think anything “cultish” was going on . . . but perhaps you would or we will.  We don’t trust them kind of memories and things (recovered memories that is).

I dunno.  I’m not saying nothing.  I’m just letting the ‘artwork’ of mine speak for itself – and saying what I’ve always seen.  (Except for the ‘cave’ thing – this is the first time we’ve ever ‘seen’ that one.

Done in colored pencil on a sketch pad, and this one was done by “Mikie”, our inner being.


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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6 Responses to When We Do Shapes And Colors . . .

  1. Strange I saw the same: A hooded figure and the entrance to a cave. But the hooded figure has no gender to me. The colours are kind of soothing, they don’t seem dangerous to me. But colours have different meaning to all of us I guess!


  2. jeffssong says:

    “. . . they don’t seem dangerous….”
    LisaT: True; we have never gotten a feeling of true ‘danger’ in that these figures have never really (and I mean really!) – ‘frightened us’. But on the other hand … it’s hard to say. “Ambivalent” is as close a word to our feelings towards this creature or woman – neither a ‘good’ thing nor a wholly ‘bad’ thing – but the fact that we in this comment keep shading it with ‘bad’ in our context (psychology meaning, e.g. ‘neither a good nor *wholly* bad, “true ‘danger’ ” versus not saying ‘true’ before the word) – tells us something fishy was/is/had been going on – maybe. You can find this repeating dream at http://wp.me/p1t0dv-f8 -which, to our *surprise!* – we found was password protected when we just got that link for you (and other folks). Odd. Why? We (I) don’t remember password protecting that entry . . . unprotected now, but anyway . ..

    Again. The mysteries. The mysteries of DID. Sometimes . . . sometimes . . .
    it’s a mystery to me, (LOL’ing going on. But forced, albeit a bit strained this time.)


    • “Ambivalent” puts it the right way ~ that’s how it feels to me too as the colours are light but hooded figures hardly ever depict anything good…. I had a look at the dream…. need to think about it


  3. Michael says:

    First you are doing assume work. I am proud of you. Good Effort! I am in fact amazed that you can do this on your own.

    I really really really like this piece. I think it is extraordinary.

    I do not know what you are using for colored pencils. If you do not have artist grade I suggest you get some and some good paper. This work needs to be saved.

    BLICK ART makes some colored pencils that are less expensive and pretty good. With your work I would suggest Derwent if you can afford them. One consideration is the availability of colored pencils in open stock in your area. Prismacolors are the most common and that is what us use. No fun being in the middle of a work and needing to order a pencil.

    This is a way cool way to do work and be able to frame it cheap.


    As far as paper is concerned I would try some Stonehedge and some sanded support. GET SOME GOOD PAPER AT LEAST. Get away from the sketch pads.

    Get a colorless blender pencil any brand. You can move the colors around and fill in places. Do not use it for gradation that is cheating and will harm your expression and there for your work.

    In this work I see a Portal not a cave. A Portal to processing with something much better on the other side as seen at the top of the work. I would beware of giving the abusers to much credit for this portal with the cult stuff and all. They can not draw something as beautiful as this. Behind the portal and the better place is where the abusers are in the way and you much pass through this. The portal and the other side are yours do not give them to the abusers.


  4. jeffssong says:

    Hi Michael,
    🙂 Fortunately we are trained as an artist as well – that goes back to high school and even first grade. Always had the ability, though it took us years to realize we might have some talent. (still doubt that one; people call me an artist and I have trouble believing them). Been that way . . . forever, I reckon.
    We’ve got a portfolio about three foot THICK – even more if you consider all the computer art I’ve done in the past. (You’ve seen some of it, e.g. “The Masks of DID”.) And yes – we own good tablets and paper, art supplies and such (though some are getting old – the premium water colors, perhaps – the oils should still be good – thickening somewhat with age, kinda like our mind sometimes, LOL!) But . . . the tablet size is what appealed to us. Something that could be held in our lap. We used to work with notebooks – notebook sized paper. Doing it in pen and things – monocolors, gray tones.
    Like pastels – own a lot of them, just like the pencils (mostly Prismatics) – also own a professional draftsman kit (and a table! but it’s down in the barn gathering dust beneath our mostly unused studio). Need to clean that place up sometime – LOL, it’s a mess. Never have done any art down there – no AC, no heat (though that may change). Used to BE a ‘manual draftsman’ at one time – doing 3D renderings and parts assemblies by hand – some really fine work right there, and our lettering is real good. (sometimes. We can get kinda messy sometimes as well, possessing several different types and styles of handwriting, depending on what’s going on – and who we’re writing it for.)

    Writing, tho – we are technically debating on ‘writing some more’ (our inner young ‘uns are clamoring on that thing) because this is the trick: we can ‘zone out’ and auto-write some more – figuring things out along the way – that seems to be much more efficient, and we are able to FIGURE things out whereas in the art it is just showing us things – we just aren’t as good in the “self-expression” field right there (but probably could through some training). The Shapes and Colors are more of a preoccupation and kind of a given ‘task’ … (sigh). Both need done – every ‘expression’ needing fed. We may play in some clay some – we’ve got some here.

    But writing – again: we are debating this. We can get this done on computer. We can do this while we are just ‘sitting there’. And then we can ‘publish’ the results – we’ve done a bit of the ‘work’ here and there (look up “internal dialogues” – but we know it is seemingly mad to other folks (switching and all right there) – and we wonder how and IF it (those internal dialogues) can be or are of any use to anyone else. Just a thought: to publish them or not publish them? That is the question (LOL’ing) . . .

    Until later – thanks for the comments guys and gals and guyettes and things. We’s appreciates it verrryyy much (bowing like a chinaman and bowing on outta here – lol’ing … kids going on….)


    • I agree with Michael to not give the abusers too much attention in explaining your drawings. And I like his connection with the portal ~ the portal to something better! That is empowering.

      Guess we all have our internal dialogues. More or less logic to others. It would be very brave and kind if you would share yours with us. But maybe it is important to keep some things for yourself as well. We all deserve our healing secret :-).

      You are very welcome 🙂 but please do not bow too much 😉 your head might hit the floor 😉 just joking…..


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