We are a problem solver. We’ve always had to be. Solving problems was very difficult as a child. It hasn’t gotten any easier as an adult.
A friend had a problem with a salesman hitting up on his wife, who managed a store. He wanted to take the salesman out back and beat him with a club. Instead we told him to come on to the salesman and told him how. He did, and it worked. Somehow the guy didn’t want a threesome with him as the featured guest. I guess we kinda evened the score.
Our daughter came home complaining about a bully in her first grade. He was going around beating on all the students, her, and her friends. The teacher would do nothing. So I told her: lure him around the corner and you ALL jump him, beat him to a pulp. She did and ended up not only fighting the fight herself (and winning, boosting her ego and self-confidence) – but beating up her best friend (and boyfriend) in the process for standing around watching her and not giving her a hand.
Score? Two for one. We won both times: getting rid of her boyfriend and this bully who had been running around and beating on all them kids. Including mine. Daddy’s vengeance is a bitch . . . even if it comes from a little girl. But that’s my girl. Sweet, kind hearted, eminently practical – but with a short fuse to a temper that’s out of this world – a temper she inherited from her old man, her mom, and her grandma (the short one). (Love from your daddy; each and every one.)
A bunch of businessmen and engineers stood around for three weeks staring at blueprints for the plant. They were trying to decide where to put in a new process. It was gonna cost over one point five million dollars according to their estimate – about a half a million over budget. They had already invested several hundreds of thousands of dollars into this project – now something had gone wrong wrong. They had overlooked something. They needed a refrigeration plant added to the building and they didn’t know where to put it. And then they invited me in.
I took a long look, and after some consideration, pointed and said: “Right there.”
I was pointing to a spot they were overlooking – where a previous process had been. It was just the right size, shape, and configuration. It saved them a half of a million dollars. They were amazed– they’d been staring at it for days and the solution had been right under their noses all the time. The fact that I had walked in and seen it right away stunned them. (That’s why they used me there: my ability to ‘see through’ things and see the obvious solution, the roots of problems and things.) We had seen it in fifteen minutes and were wondered: Why didn’t they see it?! They were the ones who had removed that process in the first place, putting a whole lotta people outta work. They knew about this – it was right there, a great big hole. But they had failed to see it.
They were still living in the past.
My brother worked at a place where a common question was “Am I on fire?”. I told him any place where you gotta ask or answer a question like that wasn’t a place to be working.
I once shot a .357 round six inches off a guy’s ear. You don’t try climbing in my bedroom window and then call me asshole when I catch you doing it. That’s just gonna get you hurt. Three solutions at once: he went away, it took care of one of my daughter’s boyfriends forever (don’t ask – she set him up) – and it taught him a lesson for life. You don’t wanna wake up poppa bear at night. It might just put him in a bad mood.
I’ve had to kill more dogs with my bare hands than I want to. It’s a horrible thing.
We still carry scars on my arms (I think) from the dog fights we were in.
We are very good at what we do. Fortunately, we are doing nothing.
’nuff said for now.