DID* and SpiritualityThis is for my DID friends out there who may be struggling with their others . . . perhaps a path to peace and happiness, perhaps not. The choice is up to you. But it’s helped us – a lot. We are much happier now; much less fighting. It’s taken awhile; we aren’t perfect – but the following perception change helped us . . . greatly, and we’re grateful for this ‘knowledge’, this theory of mine – about us – a DID person . . . A DID Being.
On April Fools Day, God spoke to me. Okay . . . it wasn’t God, but it was a part of me. And he said: “What if . . . what if these aren’t broken ‘parts’ . . . but God’s way of making more souls. What if, like pruning a tree, God ‘prunes’ your personality so that he can make more beings . . . what if that was true? What would you do? How would you look at ‘them’, the insiders?”
And it came to me; what if we started looking at ‘them’ as souls instead of “it” or a fractured part of myself. Of ‘us’ looking around at ‘us’ and each other with fresh eyes. Taking account, learning to listen and FEEL and forgive one another. Could we do that? It would mean embracing this ‘illness’ – if it is a disease at all – by opening myself up to them; not being ashamed of them; supporting them just like ‘me’; hugging them when they needed it . . . a whole lot of things . . . and it’s been good, even if we still have hard times once and awhile.
It took looking at “us” like a family – a family of kids, some of them abused, and some of us as adults – and yes, we have our “angels” 🙂 After we gave into it – gave into the idea of being DID, of treating our insider ones as angels and human beings – things got better REAL quick. There was a lot of fighting going on. A lot of it has stopped.
It took a lot of doing. Looking at all my ‘sides’, coming ‘in touch’ with my core (but only briefly, for a moment – it was like looking into a fire; only different this time) . . .
And yet . . . it wasn’t always this way.
We treated ourselves in ways we would treat no human being. None! And yet there we were; doing it to our own selves: Locking the Beast up in a cage; locking up Mikie for (arguably) – his ‘own protection’ (and for many years – he was ‘there’ and we could ‘see’ him . . . ‘feel’ the cold cold winds of loneliness and pain arcing through his little body . . . he’s right ‘here’, in our “Ice World”:
Now, I ask you: is that any way to treat a child who, denied love, beaten some, abused much – grown up poor and torn inside? To stick him right ‘here’, in this horrible hard cold world? To be “alone” for the rest of “OUR” years? This, a “living” child – in US?
I think not; no matter what he did – because he was driven into needing it by his own needs. He needed love; WE gave him hate; ONE of us ‘putting him aside’ for his ‘own protection’. . . I treated ‘him’ like an IT – as a sick “part” of me – (same with Matthew some of the time) – as in “IT needs to go away; HE needs to die . . .” (that along with parts wanting to kill themselves, others wanting to die; others wanting to “kill” others – warring, but unable to do that, they damaged “me” and the body instead. That kind of thing.
No wonder the ancients once thought we were possessed by demons – or gods. Sometimes they fried us at the stake. Sometimes they burned us alive; or put us in pits, or drowned us, or threw us in stocks, or hanged us for witchcraft, or for being ‘possessed by demons’ . . .
In modern society they’ve locked us up sometimes; put electrodes on our heads – burning ‘them’ out with modern electricity – shoving rods in our heads (it’s called a “lobotomy”, folks) – locking us in tight cages; binding our arms (there’s “restraint therapy” – it can go on for hours and days sometimes).
You don’t want to go there. And part of not going there is becoming happy with your selves; to ‘get along’ in such a way that you can function – and feel like you are functioning – happily and normally in today’s society and world. Part of that is being happy with yourself – embracing your ‘others’ and getting them to embrace you – forgiving yourselves. I know it’s hard, but forgiveness starts “at home”, so to speak – by forgiving your internal “family”, the souls that are living in there.
Look at “them” – the internal children. Does the phrase “sure, but they did bad things” echo through your head? (It does mine – I still have a long way to go, but getting there all the time.) Now look at them again and now FEEL them . . . feel their hurts and needs. Does it matter how they got them? Does that matter at all? Would it matter to you in a real living breathing human child? If a child came up to you with the same pains and issues YOUR inner child has; if one of your grown parts – knowing he or she has been abused – came up to you – would you ‘throw them out’ and turn them away? Or worse, would you try and shoot them? These are ‘you’ – parts that need nurtured into living souls . . . parts that need
Well, that’s what you ARE – only it’s a part of you: a living soul to be cultured; brought up and loved; cherished by the other inner parts of you – for giving you life, and you them – for surviving when there was surviving that needs done; for sheltering themselves when there was sheltering to need done – and perhaps, like me, occasionally finding love in all the wrong places (and then finding that it wasn’t love at all . . . he just used me . . .)
Yeah; we all have those sorts of issues; us DID minds. But that’s okay; that’s family, them and me – all in this together . . . muddling along . . .
a bunch of human souls on the path to life . . . and somewhere else beyond.
I wish I could put this all better; there is even some science behind all this (I was a scientist FIRST; had to reconcile my mind, but the ‘evidence’ is there if you wanna believe it – or not. But having some faith in your souls helps – helps a lot. Treat them like living beings . . . and find happiness, I hope.
Sincerely, written by Jeff, Matthew & M3