Blend

Come on, you know the word, my fellow Chameleons.  “Blend”.  Blend with people around you; blend with the crowd.  Blend with your friends; your family – blend in, be pleasant to be around . . . blend, blend blend . . .

Blend with the world.

But I’ve found we do best ‘blending’ -we always have – obeying the “3 on TOP” rule – only three personalities ‘blending’ for the benefit of the ‘outside’ world; the rest all working or processing; going to sleep; being ‘aware’ (or beware, or just plain wary.  Or weary.  Or down and depressed . . . the ones you want to hide . . .).

We’ve found that by ‘blending’ together ‘better’ – being more flexible in our ‘views’ – not just towards the outside world, but one another – that helps.  Being able to ‘blend’ is a “Key” (I think) in ‘feeling yourself’ – feeling those ‘others’, feeling their emotions – and feeling their pain – and ’embracing’ them despite those things – or because they have went through those things . . .

Blending can help THEM understand YOU as well, or other parts of yourself.  Allowing them to ‘blend’ and ‘come together’ – holding a ‘party’ in your mind sometimes helps with things, with you acting as the great compromiser.  Getting both sides to see things about each other – and themselves – and their overall ‘role’ within the system.  Sure, it’s hard to do; wouldn’t be the first time our teenager went off to ‘sulk’ in his room, or the Soldier being frowned in displeasure . . .

It’s helped us understand the relationships and ‘co-dependencies’ between our beings; our ‘inner souls’ as I like to call them.  Some of them are “ghosts” – we either aren’t sure where they came from, or they ‘appeared’ as a living memory of somebody in our past . . . but we’ve learned to treat them with respect, or in some cases ‘shelter’ them; or even somewhat confining them – not harshly, but just not listening to everything they say (like when the Religous Being: “Religious Man” gets to harping on things like homosexuality, getting married, AIDS, the whole nine yards – very condemning in his Baptist like point of view: a picture image of our dad; even resides in HIS own room, just like our real dad does, surrounded by all his books) – and “evil mom” – MOM (all caps for short) – another ‘insane one’ which we calmed by . . . well, insanity . . .

Whatever it takes, my friend, whatever it takes, as long as you are at peace with your inner being.  Or beings as the case may have it.

And ‘blending’ – understanding – jeez, what a hard thing to do – the FEELING of a hurt one; an angry one . . .

yeah, those angry ones are hurt too – they’ve been hurt sometime in the past – it’s finding that hurt that drove them ‘insane’; filled them with such a crying sobbing rage and things . . . they’re hard to face sometimes and deal with, but it’s gotta be done.  Sometimes it’s like locking yourself in a cage with a lion within . . . only you are the lion sometimes, and “he” (or ‘she’) the bait – once you get them realizing – and talking to you – about what their hurt is about – and forgiving them for this thing and that – the attacks against yourself and others (now seeing their hurt and pain) – and promising (and meaning it) – to try to never do this (fill in the blank) thing again.

Sometimes I feel soooo sad . . . for all these children inside; their wants and demands . . .

Sometimes they are too much to hold.  But we try . . . ‘feeling’ their ‘edges’, their emotions, feelings . . . recognizing them for what they are: hurt souls, hurt beings – ‘humans’ trapped in time – and in me and us.

And when you get there – get them to recognize YOU for a human being; letting THEM realize: you need some time to heal from both their and  your hurt and pain . . .

and you might find them gathered around you with comforting arms because they’ve come to realize:

They depend upon you, too – for life, love, and happiness.

(and it all goes ’round and ’round in a hand basket; maybe we’re descending into Hell, but we’ll all be okay, because we love each other well . . .)

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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