So I go to my dentist today and they get to talking how they didn’t realize my dad was one of their patients.

“He’s my buddy!” she brightly exclaimed.

“Good for you,” I said, trying to keep the cynicism out of my voice.

“He gave me some books to read!,” she says.

“Oh,” I say flatly, wondering if he’s given her the “Road to Power (by taking advantage of others)” type books, the religious books, or the far right wing political treatises.  Turns out none of the above.  He’s given her books on terrorism.

I don’t mention that he had me analyze one for the Army DoD officiers training school.

But she goes on and on praising my dad – what a wonderful man he is! How great! as she’s busily injecting me, keep my mouth full of utensils. . .

and I want so bad to tell her:

“Don’t let him fool you.  He’s an expert at pulling the wool over people’s eyes.  If you want to know the truth about him – talk to my mom.  Talk to his sons.  Hell, talk to his daughter-in-law! Talk to his grand daughter – the one we had to ban him from seeing when she was five years old – because ‘grandpa’ was terrorizing her so bad . . . ”

I wanted to tell her that “Yeah: he was so good that while he was away in the military he gave all his money to missionaries and whores – and left his family starving and in rags in the USA.  How he took all ‘our’ money for his own public ‘glorification’ – buying those books and taking that food from his children.  How it got so bad that the neighbors father would come over and quite literally look in our cabinets, searching each one – just to make sure we had something to eat.  And when we didn’t – we ate there.  With him and his family.  And we were ALL dressed in rags, because he was a poor old Southern redneck with hardly two bottles to his name . . .”

Yeah, I wanted to say.  He’s a wonderful man.  He hasn’t changed much through the years.  He was always like that.

But I didn’t say a thing.  Didn’t want no upset dentist working on me; didn’t want to tell her: “And hey, I’m DID.  Look it up.  See what it comes from.  And then think about this thing.  How good he is – and how he’s got you fooled.”  Because he fools them all the time.

But not me and not my brother.  Nor my wife and mom.  She and ‘we’ see through a lot of his charitable deeds . . .

But on the other hand I’m beginning to look at it as a “one for many” type of thing.  We suffered . . . and he did some good.  We sacrificed – and he got what he wanted.  We were shoved to the side and the back – he put his best foot forward (publicaly speaking).  People benefited.  Just not us.  Everyone thinks he’s wonderful – but his ungrateful children and horrible wife? Not so much . . . just drags and anchors on this wonderful, fine, poor tormented terribly smart and religious man . . . he reaps the sympathy and attention from them . . .

So where does that leave US at?  His family?

Nowhere, my friend, nowhere . . .

Just dust in the wind.

Because that’s all we ever were
when it comes to him.


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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One Response to Misconceptions

  1. Little L says:

    Jeff…Good story and a good point. One that I’ve encountered a lot where we are faced with telling the truth about an abuser and risk looking like the one who is mean/crazy/ungrateful or staying gracefully quiet and once again keeping their secret….
    Although I am grinning and thinking, please don’t make the dentist angry who is working in your mouth! I’m so sorry for that little boy but am glad he has you to take care of him….

    As a complete side note…my group of friends are assembling Valentines Day boxes for 10 soldiers this week and I need to say thank you to all the veterans I come across….Your sacrifice has not gone unnoticed….


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