Filleted Humans, Testing Spouse, Avoidance & The Rest

Let’s just call this a “Random Post”.  For those of you who haven’t noticed; I haven’t posted in what? a week? Sometime like that; not really sure.  That’s what “time-trippin'” will get ya!  Last I ‘remember’ it was about the 17th or so . . .

Yah, it’s ME, M3, a bit sore and abused, but not over the spouse’s trip (meaning my adult self who is mainly married to my spouse – along with a couple of ‘others’.  Talk about your bigamy cases!  I wonder if it applies to DID.

“We” have been ‘testing’ the wife’s love – never a good thing, mind you, but the first time I’ve really been able to pinpoint the “who’s” and “where’s” about what’s been going along.  “WE” started testing her on the 17th (she failed, albeit not miserably – just so-so) – but then (after the test was done) and everyone was sulking (including my wife – this is how miserable DID can make you: you find yourself affecting everyone! – thank you, child abuse laws that somehow managed to mistake me for one of your ‘normal’ children when, in fact, I hardly wasn’t.)

The test consisted of this:

On her birthday, we got her nothing.  Nada, not a single goddurned thing.   Just a birthday kiss, one ‘hello’ (meaning happy birthday) – and then we went out and worked in the yard all weekend.

Now this from a guy who brings his wife flowers all the time.  “We” get a hair up our nethers; little Mikie wants to do something nice; the ‘adult’ in us agrees – and we buy her roses, daisies – something – to show how much she is appreciated and how much we love her – it’s almost a weekly ritual: run to the store, run to where she works (almost twenty-five miles away) and drop them off so that her customers can SEE (that makes HER feel good to see how jealous the other women get – and how it’s a kick in the ass to the men who can’t – or won’t – ‘appreciate’ their own wives).

So she should have known something was up; smelled it in the wind.

But . . . and here’s the key: ‘observing’ the process from the ‘outside’ – or is it “IN”, as I am “IN” there and trapped in my mind – pissed off and can’t do anything about this ‘test’ going on?  I and me and ‘we’ wanted to buy her some flowers – instead; nothing.

She had the ‘normal’ human reaction, of course: feeling ‘put off’, ignored (we stayed outside while the birthday party was going on) – and it continued on into the next week.  And there they were: two of my ‘inner parts’ celebrating, saying : “See?  See?  She doesn’t LOVE you; not truly; she’s not here to STAY you know; she doesn’t like you; she HATES you – you should move away; take your money and run . . . (after all, I got about 40K on hand . . . just sitting around collecting retirement interest . . . but that’s my ‘life insurance’ policy, LOL! – two meanings in one . . .)

But that was a false sense of belief; that TEST was wrong, SHE was doomed to fail just like any other human being . . . she would have done better with the opposite reaction (not clamming up, but opening up instead and asking what was wrong) . . . and the damnedest thing was I couldn’t even TELL her it was a test!  No did I like it.  As I pointed out to those doing the test: It was unfair.  It was designed for ‘them’ to win and her not to.  She wasn’t forewarned, nor has she been taught how to handle this sort of situation – so we told her last night (and again a bit more today).

The problem rests with “13” and a couple of his ‘buddies’ – but in observing the dynamics (they think I don’t watch what goes on???  Kids . . . . come ON!  I am watching you all the time!) – I was able to pinpoint some (and who) is going on; how the ‘system’ was overwhelmed (majority rules) – how ‘we’ failed to prevent this thing . . .

and it almost caused a ‘war’.

I caught myselves ‘planning’, developing into factions at cross-purposes with each other – the classic semblance of war – each ‘camp’ dividing into itself, recruiting others to it’s ‘own side’ – when Jeffery (me, M3, having exhausted my patience with this thing) jumped in with, well . . a ‘roar’ – come riding into the rescue, pointing out where ‘they’ were wrong; how this ‘test’ of theirs was so unfair (“after all, you guys, wouldn’t YOU get upset if SHE got you nothing????” we kept asking that ‘pair’) – and figured some out in the lineage of control (who controls / influences who and how) . . . and figured out a few more things.

Oh, and our trip?  Just fine.  Had a wonderful time.  Been avoiding some of our issues (“that” Halloween – tho’ actually it was just fine, trust me (tight smile towards my littler ones) – can’t seem to get ‘over the hump’ on that one; “13” is becoming (and has been) a major issue (since he was the instigator in this one, the ‘test’) – and he ‘controls’ Matthew some (seeing as Matthew is his, 13’s, creation, that makes sense) – without realizing HE get influenced some by the one below/beneath him (Little Michael) – and at least and at last Matthew is listening to reason instead of “13” (meaning Me) – and has gotten swayed to our side.

And that “Filleted Humans”??  We went to see this show:  BODY WORLDS Vital, featuring cadavers like these: 

It was a wonderful opportunity for us to observe the human body ‘in motion’, anatomy lessons – and some which applied to our own disability (for instance, we were able to see WHY the doctors won’t – and cannot – operate on the nerves we have damaged in our shoulder joint, or the intercostal nerve that gives us so much pain).  It’s a show to go to if you want to see the human body inside and out – and the best thing (in our opinion) were the plasticized ‘veins’ – the human head (arteries only) was a vein ‘halo’ – it was amazing: remove everything including the skin, leaving only the organs – or in some cases, the circulatory system – and it was like a fine red ‘mist’ – damn indescribable, but beautiful in it’s own way . . .

However, the thought that came to mind from the young in us was “Filleted Humans” . . . a really great display (on display in Columbia SC for right now) . . .

and yes we saw the animals at the Riverbanks Zoo.

Well, we haven’t written a work in a week (work=word) – and now we’ve written at least a thousand, so we must go . . . creative avoidance of some issues in us (this is really bad; WE have been upset for over two weeks now; this ‘grinding’ issue sort of thing) . . . but some stuff ‘resolved’ – cleaning and clarification of the ‘air’ . . . some training to be done . . .

Can’t say it’s been fun – but it’s been really informative . . . kinda like that display we’ve seen: revealing of some ‘inside’ things . . .


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle ( ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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