I’ve read and heard of other author’s difficulties in creating “believable characters” – how hard it is to create depth and dimension within them, ‘read their mind’ so that they behave consistently and develop them with age – or in the story. I don’t have that problem.
Many people have written me telling me how ‘wonderful’ the characters in the novel I’ve written, “The Boy“, are. How ‘real’ and four dimensional they are. I say four dimensional because as in every good story, they evolve through time. It’s not an easy evolution; it never was, for “I” had to go through the same evolution inside. That’s what I mean when I tell people it’s the story of my hearts and souls; that, while ‘fiction’, it is the story of ‘our lives’ – or at least two of them. (Thompson is another ‘real’ character in my mind – if you were to read the story and realize that I wrote “Thompson” whenever he was being bad, and “Harold” (his first name) whenever he was being . . . well, as normal as such a person could be – you would understand – and perhaps fear and shrink away in horror and distaste from me, knowing such an entity lays within my mind – or that one is even possible to. It’s funny in a way: I’ve had people tell me they sympathize with Harold (the protagonist) – Harold, a sadistic man. Harold, who rapes a child – they sympathize with him. How well written is that where they feel that sort of thing? Where (as some of them said) at the end they “kind of feel sorry for him”. About a sadistic perverted man . . . yeah: I know ‘people’ inside and out TOO well, even for my own good sometimes (and it hurts inside, too).
However, Harold is actually a blend of ‘two of them’ (two of my alternate personalities); more, perhaps several. He has a bit of the ‘hunter’s mind’ – which means he has a little bit of our ‘little one’ (a major player in our system, he often drives things behind the scenes without any of ‘us’ being aware of what he’s done).
The child was the hardest to write; that’s because of a child’s mind. They are not like yours or mine (an adult mind, or even a teen one, which is what Matthew, one of the main players, originally was . . . after all, it was our ‘inner teen’ who wrote this story the ‘first time’ long ago . . . and yes, we still have the thirty some odd page manuscript laying around . . . somewhere.) But being able to ‘become’ that child, look ‘out’ at the world through a young boy’s mind . . . (or even a girl’s) – and really ‘feel’ it – the confusion and the wonder; the fears and the pride – well, that’s another “DID thing” I have going on in my favor. I can understand . . .
But when I read about these other authors – they’re attending seminars, taking courses, spending a LOT of time studying hard trying to ‘learn character development’ . . . how to ‘write one’ – and while I sympathize, I can’t help but find myself laughing somewhat. After all: I have a “multimind” – just chock full of them, my brain is like a can with a lot of nuts rattling around within.
And here’s the ‘trick’: I can ‘blend’ or ‘meld’ any of them – or any of them with me – to a degree. I have to be careful; they can hurt ‘my’ mind and soul; they can give me pain. It “hurts” to read the story “The Boy” – sometimes it hurts to even think about it. This comes from ‘the worlds inside’.
The worlds inside is a system of worlds, imaginary places (perhaps . . . this ties into an aspect of my own religion) – where “I” (or we, if you prefer, because like a bag of Lays chips, there never is just ‘one’) – keep parts of ourselves. Like a system of storage – only this one spans universes in my mind. I love my “Island World”; it’s a place of healing and comes from an earlier novel I wrote, one I wrote while still in my childhood. It’s based on “Lord of the Flies” (my number one book of all time next to Stephan King’s “The Stand” . . . okay, and about a few dozen others. I’d literally cleaned out every library of every science fiction story ever written by the time I was 16 . . . lots of reading there, folks, lol’ing).
But having this ‘ability’ – which society technically terms a ‘disability’ (the being DID thing) – though that’s not the reason for my disability at all (it’s merely physical) – allows me to build and create characters in my mind that are consistent in their emotions (or not), evolve over time (like I do – and have done). I don’t have all the problems with the main ones because I have at least three inside – and three from different times – a child, a teenager, and an ‘adult’ being. I also have scientists and military minds. Add to that a survivalist (trained for nuclear war); a wide eyed and innocent pre-teen . . .
Well, it becomes easy to come up with characters, though a good plot can be a chore. And “write what you know” and “write what you love” (which means: write what can affect you) – is a ‘trip’ for me. After all, the book “The Boy” came from a ‘trip’ I had in a dream – a “life dream” where you live nearly a full lifetime and a full run of seasons in a single dream. I’ve had a few of them: entire “lives” lived in a dream – and “The Boy” was one of them I had when I was a teen. It often affects me – I know I need to promote this book some more. We’ll see. Unlike most authors, I can’t lean on “friends and family” to spread word of mouth because of what I put on the cover: “Written by a survivor of child abuse who is DID” would be enough for them to shoot me in the head. (At least my mom would. Maybe even my dad. Either way – it would cause many problems.) And I can’t see them promoting a book which insinuates that they may have abused me.
Oh well. Just one of many problems. It’s hard to find time to a) promote a book, b) overcoming my resistance to producing spam (unlike some, I resist the compulsion to leave a link and an ad everywhere I comment online) – c) work on my own issues, d) get some writing done and e) deal with life and ‘things’.
Of them all, only one has the path where happiness leads: C and D. After all – those are my own.