It was Hobbler who introduced me to Over Analyzer’s Anonymous . . . and at first I regarded that highly ambiguous organization as something ‘bad’. Not that I belong to it – but I could. After all, what’s wrong with a little over-analysis? It beats the opposite: simply jumping in, eyes blind and hands bound behind your back – and sinking without even wondering why. Note that I have met folks like that – clueless why their lot in life is so bad and blaming everyone else for their failures in life – like going to school, studying (and working!) hard – maybe even taking that extra step of doing both at one time, simply because their parents forgot to analyze their life and finances as well . . .
LOL, there I go: over-analyzing again. But it kinda comes with the territory I was raised in.
As part of my over-analytical nature (good for an engineer/scientist/sociologist mind – bad for human relations sometime) I had to analyze my childhood. In detail. In grievous detail sometimes, trying to derive why I feel a certain set of emotions at a certain thing and not at another. Why “I” was so bad some of the time, and good others. “Why” I seemed to snap or ‘switch’ from one modus operandi one moment – and go to another. Why I would suddenly go from a bright and happy mood to one that was suicidal and dangerous to others. How it came about that I could hate love and want love – both at the same time. “Why” those mysterious voices in my head – coming out of the blue sometimes! – the strange connotations and weird feelings I sometimes had . . .
Where did those ‘pictures’ come from – the ones that are there that I don’t tell anybody about (that’s because they are from the ‘recovered memory’ stack, and I find them somewhat . . . well, just damned strange – and if they mean what I think, then there was a lot more ‘stuff’ going on in my childhood regarding the military and all . . . some really . . .)
Okay, and there you get it: over analyzers anomonyous. Why did I stop right there? What is it about me (or in myself) that prevents me from going one?
I have my suspicions. And I am going to have to analyze them.
Some would say “you’re a narcissist”. Well, if “know yourself” and “to thine own self be true” . . . well, I guess I am, kind of. But I can’t say that I’m in love with myself. Truth be told, I couldn’t “love” myself for quite a long time. Loving others? No problem – and “blah” and sticking out my tongue at those who say you must first learn to love yourself BEFORE you can love some others. Which in my over analyzer’s way, I finally learned and knew that I might not be able to feel the love of some others until I could get over hating myself . . .
then a small boy proved me wrong. LOL. (and no, that’s not ‘out loud’, thats ‘lots of laughter’ in my own personal parlance). And I had to analyze that thing as well.
It was a hard time, folks: being an ‘over analyzer’ can be hell . . .
But it served me well in engineering – and in analyzing why I must analyze things ‘to death. “Details count” – as does the big picture. And if truth be told: most people couldn’t tell you why they feel something or this way about that thing or another. They just know that they do . . .
But I don’t have that luxury. I had to start questioning my feelings at a very young age. And even more to the point: I had to closely pay attention to my environment and things around me, looking for a threat all the time. Trying not to get hurt. It didn’t work out all the time – I got hurt anyway, did some stupid things ignorant boys (and even more stupid teenagers) will do – analyzing all the way.
And it kept me ‘safe’ in the end . . . somehow. Thus far, anyway.
I used to get hired – worked a long time! – ‘analyzing’ things. All kinds of things, ranging from production lines to bodies in motion (movement / efficiency / ergo studies) – to why water dripped in a certain way at a certain time. Always going for the root of the problem, the throat and the core.
My bosses used to both love – and hate – how I could come up with an elegant solution (which usually wouldn’t cost them a lot of money) fixing the ROOT of the problem versus adding some machine downstream to correct the problems as they were occurring.
On the other hand, some folks didn’t appreciate it when I derived that they themselves were the problem. Especially when they were the boss (or had given the directives – or spent the money on something) that caused the problem to begin with.
Cutting to the ‘why’ in welfare and motivations during human interactions is also no problem some of the time. People have hated me for that thing. I’m a brutally honest man – engineering or a human ‘equation’ – I “tell it like it is” – unvarnished, with no glimmer or glitter on it: facts speak for themselves – unlike people some of the time – and truth doesn’t lie – but people will hide it . . .
I wonder . . .
It’s an OAA kind of thing . . .
(and Hobbler? If you’re out there reading this . . . here’s the ticket:
A person can consider themselves an ‘over-analyzer’ when they find themselves analyzing why they analyze so much . . . (wry grimace) – and analyzing that as well! LOL.