DID: Groups and Factions

I can only speak from my own experience and what I’ve read and known for a long, long time – that in a person with DID there can be groups and factions among the alternate personalities which support different views, thoughts, opinions, and emotional connotations.

For a non-DID person think of it as your ‘parts’ and ‘sides’.  In this case groups=sides and parts=separate ‘personalities’.  Many people have what they call a ‘bad part’ to themselves – a mischievous being, a ‘teenage feeling’ – that wanderlust and desire to go wild – and I’m sure some of you non-DID folks know what it’s like to have to fight it . . .

However, it’s a different sort of thing when ‘it’ takes over – despite what ‘you’ can do you find yourself engaging in some sort of destructive behavior – whether it be through the things you are doing (or leave undone), or some sort of self-sabotage or self-destructive behavior . . . and you “know” what you are doing but ‘it’ has sorta taken control . . .

This is what happens when ‘groups’ turn into ‘factions’ – warring sides; sides ‘waging war’ upon one another through, say, some negative thought patterns, inattention and/or inappropriate behavior (since we must pay attention to what we are saying and thinking all the time).  It can come as those inappropriate (and again sometimes self-destructive) behavior.  Sometimes ‘we’ can let loose . . . but at others? “I” or the main adult being must be ‘strict’ with myself – suppressing those urges (since I can’t suppress some thoughts) and battling those emotional swings that I have by acting calmly . . . thinking through each individual thing, finding what the problem is – addressing it with each ‘one’ – each part and side which is forming; any faction that some event brings . . .

Last year about this time “I” began to let go some . . . and the ‘system’ kinda got out of control – but on the other hand “I” – and indeed the all of us learned a bunch of things! – and it has been well worth it in the end.  “We” dissolved all factions and all groups and “things” (I hear in my head “disassembled some things“) – and then rebuilt them in some way.

Since then we’ve been pretty much operating without and “groups and factions and things” . . . however, I’ve become aware of some ‘grouping’ that’s been going on . . .

But it’s okay.  There’s always been this one, “the Crowd” – which in my head is a mysterious mob of beings.  They’ve always been fractured into “groups” and “sides” (some evil and some good and some somewhere all inbetween and some just scary and bad).  But it’s been some time since I’ve heard from ‘them’ – as a ‘group’ that is – though I can sense ‘they’ are still there (judging my actions a lot of the times).

And ‘groups’ are kewl and groups are fine; it’s “factions” that can form trouble because factions implies opposing views in my mind, in my emotions, opinions and things – and those can affect my behavior (and in some pretty bad ways, though that’s become increasingly rare over time).

“Factions” are what used to cause me to crash my fists against a brick wall.  “Factions” is what used to hurt me all the time.  “We” have gotten used to factions being around; there are still some (about certain issues and certain things about our life) – but overall and for the most part “folks” inside get along . . .

However, these ‘groups’ (and ‘things’ echoes the refrain in my head, LOL.  ‘Things’ stands for things I don’t want to or can’t describe).

We have a ‘group’ of young children, and in a way “13” and our teenager.  “13” acts as a kind of liaison between ‘us’ (meaning me, the adult being, and several others in my mind) and the “child’s” mind.  This means ‘he’ (“13”) can also ‘shut things off’, denying me, the ‘adult being’ or hosting alter access to ‘that part’ of my mind – losing a lot of the qualities which make ‘me’ me all the time – losing a part of my youth and a part of my ‘desire’ . . . for anything to stay alive.

However, I’m quite ready and able to hobble around with half a mind, LOL!!  Been used to it; doing it for awhile.  The thing it is doing is messing with some of my ‘base emotions’ – love, that kind of stuff, some affection towards the wife and all (this is because the wife is doing something which pisses ‘me’ off – but is quite right to do at this time . . . and that is because of some of the perceptions of the ‘others’ and some of my alters regarding old issues we used to have because of some starvation and ‘things’ (training and whatnot) that we went through . . .

It makes me a bit of a hoarder sometimes – LOL! – can’t have too many knives in the drawer, and food is a difficult thing for me to get rid of . . . and she’s cleaning out all the cabinets . . .

And that is where ‘groups’ and ‘factions’ come in – addressing some of the ‘groups’ concerns (meaning some hungry and/or deprived children and one some starving children/teenager sometimes) . . . that this is stuff that we can not replace (meaning don’t go out and get some more) – that it’s okay that she does this . . . even though it would make HER mad if WE did, LOL! (Don’t touch her tupperware collection.) . . . and that it’s really not bad enough to make me mad enough to get onto her . . . that I don’t need a half-dozen slicing dicing knives when I use just two or three . . . that those old packs of Jello on the back shelf have exceeded their shelf life some years ago . . . that kind of stuff . . .

So we managed to defuse and console and help ‘get through’ to a couple of ‘groups’ and avoid factions from forming up and making war on both us and perhaps her (as in going through her tupperware and throwing out all the bad ‘sh**’) . . . aggravating the circumstances even further and pissing her off some more . . . and remembering that it’s not all that important, and if we need it (something she’s gotten rid of) . . . we can always get more. 🙂

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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One Response to DID: Groups and Factions

  1. Marty says:

    Amazing, it is not what we accomplish however

    *More of what we endure and overcome.
    *
    No destination, we have a finite number of breaths do not waste them innthe past or worry about the future.

    Accept the past and lose your memory this breah coming up is everything.

    I applaud you and bow to what you have figured out and never given up.*

    Sometimes it is getting your ass kicked badly and not giving in. Life has suffering and challenges.

    You surrender to yours and do not complain. That is a valued life. You know this deep inside. You possess abilities to navigate your life many can not imagine. I see it but you are beyond me with the challenges

    Marty

    Good to count you as a friend and fellow blogger. You make my journey easier

    Like

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