We are having a terrible day.  A terrible weekend.

okay, admit it guys; it’s been a sucky lifetime or so (lets just end it right here . . . dreaming of a gun I own) . . .

“WE” want to leave; right now – pack our bags and get on the hell outta here.

On the other hand, our wife has gotten all our money.  (damn wives. damn women. always taking everything from me . . . my life, my love, my freedom . . . I truly HATE the F’ outta women some days)

She ‘stole’ it from me last fall, when I came back from PR, under the guise of ‘protecting me’ and ‘protecting it’ by taking it all . . . a little over 10,000 dollars . . .

It’s all in her account now.  I am of no account; that means I don’t have a bank account any more.

After all; she closed all of them and transferred it all to her own name.  Gets my checks, too (banks won’t cash a SS check without one). This is called ‘protecting me’.  I call it feeding her own self. That woman is more into money than I am into skin; she can’t get enough of it; runs a financial office that charges 300% rates on the loans she gives . . .

Takes all of my state quarters; each and every one.  Bitch.

I hate on her some of the times.

She won’t give me any affection.

Why do I have to do all the kissing and hugging all the time?  Why do I have to be the one with the forward advances?  Why do I have to be the one to lead and her the one to follow?

She won’t let me have any children anymore.  She says she raised hers (my 3 stepchildren) and is “done with them” . . . I had one, but she moved out a long time ago.  I asked my wife about adopting another child; she said “NO WAY.  I’ve had mine.”  Unsaid?  “You can’t have yours.  You can’t have any family at all.”

It’s been that way for a very long time and I’m about sick of it and wanting to move on to some other lifetime right now.  (but it’s too late and I’m too old . . . or am I??  wondering . . .)

I’m really sick and at the end of this one; don’t wanna be here anymore; hate that fucking whore.  (that is the DID speaking).  Hate this life I’m in.

WE can’t get what we want; SHE got herself spayed so she can’t have anymore children, and I’m not ‘allowed’ to have anymore because SHE got tired of them and drove them all off – all except her son, who is divorced 2 times and can’t hang onto his kids, neither.  (The law gives them all to the mothers, who are welfare moms and drug cases . . . which is ‘okay’ by the law; never mind one gets ate up by fleas every time she gets home . . . and her momma’s a whore who is fooling around with child predators while leaving her 3 year old baby at home . . . with ‘them’, said predators . . .

This despite the court orders that the judge won’t enforce; he/she just keeps on saying “oh don’t do that” and giving the kids back to them (the mom and her endless parade of boyfriends in a trailer park in Burke County which is the whoriest foulest county around – high crime district with a bunch o’ bluegums with a 5th grade education with their dicks hanging out of their mouths . . .)

I hate you (I feel like saying to everyone) . . .

yet a part of me knows you don’t deserve it.



About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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