DID: Examples and Superman

Here’s a good example of what happens when you’ve got DID (aside from the fact that I’m typing this as I’m watching television – and actually paying attention to both, LOL!) – you’ve got what’s called “littles”.  Littles are childhood versions of yourself; leftovers in the soup; pots in the pans.

Among my littles are some who remember – and like – Superman.  This is because he was my comic book hero as a little child.  The best thing about Superman was that nobody could hurt him, which my child’s mind found cool.  (oh boy, Zod is showing up – we are watching Smallville – or at least the littles are).

And they’ve been getting me up at four am every morning now for . . . what? the past four months? – ever since they first got interested in the program “Smallville”, which deals with Superman’s youth. 

The thing is – this plays on TNT at five o’clock am.  So just like clockwork every morning I’ve been dutifully waking up – promptly at four, four-thirty am – courtesy of these ‘littles’ to get ‘ready’ to watch “Superman” on TV!.  That means making coffee for ‘them’ and me (I like to drink mine black, but some insist on sugar and cream – with vanilla flavoring! – yum . . . tastes like cinnamon toast albeit without the toast – or cinnamon).

“I”, the ‘adult being (sighing patiently) don’t much ‘like’ getting up at four am . . . and the thing IS: this show only plays sometimes at five in the morning on TV/TNT – other times there are other shows they are showing (lately basketball; which sucks) along with “Law and Order” (which is okay, but sometimes they feature abused children, which both interests and upsets me).

So anyway . . . lol – “I” am tired – but up nevertheless (they are playing “superman” again) – and this is a really good one . . .

Not allergic to nuthin’ but Kryptonite; that is pretty cool.

We took a test once – online, Myspace I think and it was about what Superhero you were most like and mine came up Superman as well.  I think that was kewl; ‘we’ were superman and so could put the logo on our front page . . .

He was always my hero because he was always kinda straight up; never hurt anyone (it is commercial time) and nobody could EVER hurt him; never never again.

And he was kewl because of that little city of his (ever read the original superman comics back in the day?) which was kinda kewl because he kept it in a little bottle.

Say what you want about Spiderman; he was too messed up with emotions and things; we hated emotions at that time; they were bad sort of things; the kind of things which hurt you, so ‘we’ all learned to shut them down.

That started when we were 3.

(ooops show back on!)

So . . . lol, let the little kids play – and for those who think this is ‘weird’, let me tell you: my wife says it’s made me a more wonderful being.  “We” are learning a bit more about getting ‘control’ over things – not control so much as an adaptive cooperation so that everyone can ‘get along’, we suffer from no more of those rages and depression – without ‘sutting it all down’ or shutting things ‘off’ in us.

In a way it’s sort of a cognitive therapy system (which has always worked well in the past; if we can modify our perceptions of something; say the child abuse thing, then we can modify our emotions and behavior patterns regarding it – including removing some of the depression).

Some people have told me I am doing good by finding the ‘good part’ and ‘good things’ in the child abuse system; many people don’t believe me when I tell them: the sexual abuse didn’t hurt me none; at least not all – that was okay, you know?  Kinda liked it sometimes.  But didn’t like getting beat all the time; didn’t like all the punishments.

I especially didn’t like getting beaten

if I had been Superman I probably would have been able to survive

So there you go . . . (commercial has gone off again): this is a bit inside a DID mind – and one of the symptoms of behavior: waking up at four am in the morning to go watch a TV show.  I keep on reminding my little ‘ones’ or parts inside that hey! – you can look it up on the internet (Hulu or something) and watch it during a decent hour – AND it (the “Smallville” show) will be there!  (2 out of 3 mornings that show is not one – it seems.  I’m still not able to figure out TNT’s 5 am schedule) – AND (I tell ‘them’ and reassure myself) ‘we’ could always look on the internet to see if that show comes on the following day so ‘I’ (or ‘we’ – or ‘they’ – or whatever part … little ‘mikie’ – who insists on getting us up to see ‘his’ show) – that way I would know (show is back on) whether to get up – or not! (sigh: I would love to ‘sleep in’.

So there you go . . . one of the things that ‘happens’ when you are DID . . . parts of yourself waking you up at oh-gawd-thirty in the morning . . . taking the ‘chance’ that ‘their’ show might be on . . . refusing to use a bit of ‘modern technology’ – because ‘they’ are so used to watching it on TV (naturally) . . . ignoring the fact that we can see it online at a civilized time . . .

until later (yawning . . . gotta get another drink of coffee, LOL)

and good morning to you all. 🙂

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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