Kids, Love, Sex, Education

The grandkids came over which led to a weekend I’d rather forget and ignore.  I don’t know what it is about these grandkids – any kids! – that they feel I am someone I can talk to.  Maybe it’s because they think they can trust me.  Maybe because they can.  I’m quite able to keep my secrets – just as kids sometimes have theirs.

Thus far in the past six months or so (I might – just might – get to see them every other weekend or so, though sometimes a month will go by) – these kids have hit me with all the quintessential questions – about god, and afterlife, and more.  They have learned – as most folks eventually learn – I’ve very honest about it, giving you the whole nine yards and some more, providing you want to know it, and that I think it’s appropriate for you to think and/or know.

However, this weekend it was the sexual questions that came up . . .

ugh.

Why me?

Well, for one thing, their mother has been telling them some lies.  “She’s never had sex, she said!” said the oldest (and he’s 12 – more on this one later on; some serious things).

His younger brother who’s a lot smarter (and a sneak thief and a liar and he’s 8 years old) said:  “That can’t be!  You gotta have sex to have children!”

“No!” protested the older one. (He has a strangely odd and open sense of propriety.)  “She didn’t!”

“Well,” I said, trying to keep from laughing.  “She had to have sex at least twice.”

They both looked at me stunned.  I laughed and explained:

“Ain’t she got a couple young’uns?”

They looked at each other.  There are three more besides them (half-sisters and/or half-brothers). They looked back at me.

“She’s had to ‘do it’ at least five times!” the oldest one exclaimed, sounding amazed, and then he did a strange thing.

He began ‘humping’ the air.

“I’ll bet daddy was do this to her,” he said, gathering his forearms up . . . “Pumping her!”  And then he proceeds to rock his hips, grunt and groan, and say “Oh yeah baby! Do that thing!”

Okay – I’m a child abuse/molestation survivor . . . I don’t NEED this kinda thing!  But . . . the thing is, these boys trust me . . . trust me enough with this kind of stuff . . . because I let him go on for a little bit before telling him to sit down.

“It’s not like that,” I exclaim, laughing.  “And if the other adults see you doing that thing – you’re gonna get in big trouble!”

Because the truth is: he would, that – or like last time, they wouldn’t do a thing . . .

About a month ago they were over visiting, and dinner was being served.  (That’s lunch in the South – something that after over 25 years I still haven’t gotten used to.)  We’re all standing around in the kitchen/dining room when the 12 year old grandson darts to the window, calls and laughs and says “Look what she’s doing!” – and with that he begins humping on the glass. . . laughs, then stops, “She’s humping on the rail!” . . . and begins fake humping on the glass again.

Now I’ve been around kids enough I don’t have to look to know what she’s doing.  She’s s 3 year old.  She’s probably got the rail in her hands and is ‘swaying’ and/or ‘dancing’ on the deck to her own little internal rhythm – like many children do, including doing it by rocking (a lot for my own little one.)  An innocent dance.  But this kid is seeing something sexual in her motions – and innocent kid (or stupid one . . . no, it’s just that he is bit AHD/ADD and doesn’t think about what he’s doing . . . gives into impulses) . . .

And I get to watching the adults as well as most of the children. The father is frowning, but he’s saying nothing; my wife? Stern disapproval, ignoring, going back to the stove . . . nobody says a thing . . .

Ihave to watch, you see – this comes from being a child abuse survivor! – because I have ‘no reference’ for this sort of thing.  I have to judge from what I know of society and human behavior – not my own feelings or any sort of personal knowledge of ‘when to step in’ – how much, how ‘hard’ – that sort of thing.  I just sort of muddle along doing my best, trying to conform to what the parents want to do . . . unless I know they are doing the wrong thing – but that’s a thin line and hard road to judge, especially when it comes to these things . . .

“I wanna ‘pump’ a billion girls!” he’s saying out on the deck (this was later, just me, him and his brother, and they had all kinda let their guard down).  I am just watching and listening.  All of this had started much earlier . . . literally on a garden path . . . he is pumping the air again with his hips; his 9 year old brother watches on . . . “I’m gonna put it in their butt!  I don’t want none of them getting pregnant . . . I can hardly wait to get started!”  He goes back to grunting and pumping the air.  His brother and I tell him to sit back down again.

This had all started with a simple walk on a path . . .

I had taken the kids to a local park – a series of woodland trails.  One leads up around a quarry pond (no swimming, 2 ducks, no crowd) . . . the other down through a swamp on a raised boardwalk.  I had taken the 9 year old here before.  He has an interest in rocks that began some years ago, and this time I had brought my welding hammer with its point on one end and a wedge on another, for we had spotted a thick glaze of crystals fused on a rock we’d found before – and me, I knew with that ‘homing bird’ sense of direction exactly where it is (even from where I sit here I could point to it – and if you could follow a bird’s line of flight, you would come within a dozen or so yards of it – though it lays over two miles away) . . .

I’m strange like that; have a lot of other odd talents, too . . .

working with children seems to be one of them (sighing again).  I used to be a camp counselor at one time – just did one stint during summer vacation while I was a teen . . . already had read enough (and passed enough ‘tests’) to have a Bachlor’s in psychology . . . which includes child development/education . . . and I had a group of 8 to 12 eight year olds, 24/6.5, some of those kids were 24/7 all summer long . . . they were my ‘difficult’ charges, for their parents had all dropped them off for all summer for good reasons . . . some of which I had corrected by the time they had come back for them . . .

But these boys . . . here we are walking through some woods, our feet thumping on the boardwalk, when the oldest one (12) asks: “How do you hump a girl?”

I don’t wanna tell him; I don’t want to interfere with some parent’s wishes or desire to train (or leave untrained) a kid in this thing; however . . . I gotta find out what he knows first.  But before I can ask, he stops and asks:

“Do you hump them in the butt?  I saw where you hump them in the butt.”  And then he starts his air-humping and then stops, we walk on a bit . . . his brother is giggling behind me . . . then he says:

“There’s this girl? And whenever I see her butt . . .” He raises his hand, index finger drooping, stops again.  The finger starts to go up.  He looks at me and laughs.  “My weiner gets bigger and long!  And the longer I look the longer it gets!”  And his finger is sticking straight up.  His brother is laughing and giggling now.  I’m trying to keep that tolerant smile pasted on my face.  I gotta listen; no matter what I do – I gotta pay attention to what he says and does.  He is giving me clues – clues as to his own sense of behavior, his sexual ‘training’, what he’s learned at home – and worse yet, what he’s learned off TV and the media – and what his mom.  His mom and dad are divorced; she’s since remarried; their dad remarried – had another kid – and divorced again.  He’s the best dad I know of, though.  Including my own.  And probably better than me.  But (sighing again) . . . I’m the one they trust; I’m the one they apparently listen to sometimes . . . they have come to respect me in some strange fashion, and trust me more than any other adult (thus far I guess – just reckoning here based upon what they’ve said) they have in their life – or broken family.  Or ‘families’, since they’ve had several of them, I reckon . . .

Blended families can lead to some rather unique and unusual problems.  I know I’ve had my share of mine . . . and I can smell it in the air: if I’m not careful – if HE’S not careful (this grandson of mine) . . . if BOTH of them aren’t careful . . .

Sparks in the wind, that’s what I’m saying: I’m smelling smoke, and seeing sparks in the wind with this one.  Time to put those embers out . . .

Or if the fire’s gonna be burning . . . make sure it burns the right way.

. . and get this:

The kids blamed the media (Family Guy and American Dad mostly, plus the older one may have ‘accidently’ seen some porn show) . . . for putting sex in their mind.

Go figure.  When the kid starts talking about cutting a hole in his teddy bear and sticking his dick in the thing . . . then revising his mind, deciding it might be kinda rough (but we all realized, me and his brother – he’s just joking . . . half way . . .)

And quite seriously he asks me if people have sex with dogs . . . because that’s something he’s apparently seen on Family Guy . . .

I tell him no, they would put him in jail and the dog would be confused . . . .

I’m also teaching them not to bash on gays: that it’s more about love than ‘sex’ – though trying to explain how they both go together . . . (sighing . . . written more than I like or should) . . .

But the boy . . .

Like I said: more on this later.  Like a gnawing rat my mind gnaws on this issue . . . knowing that with subjects like this, children like that – their trust in me; the delicacy of the ‘parenting’ issues . . . their lack of trust in their momma . . . their reluctance to talk to their dad (not to mention . . . he’s more apt to get “mad” and make them repress their speech, emotions, behavior patterns – those things which ‘speak’ to me of what is going on in their lives, their hearts, their heads – I ‘need’ those reactions to know where to go, when, how – and sometimes, as in this case of ‘gentle correction’ of the older boy’s developing sexual mind – the idea that you don’t take women, screw them in the butt and then dump them – that he’s got in his mind.

Oddly enough – his younger brother knew enough to give the right answer to that thing when the older brother explained his approach to a girl (“Hey babe . . . you wanna go screw? and you take them to your bedroom and . . .” here we go into the grunting and air-humping again . . .)

His younger brother laughed – a little shocked himself! it seemed – and said:

“No, no!  You’re wrong!  First you take them out and feed them, and then you have to make them do some shopping . . . ”

Okay – I had to bust out laughing at the “you have to make them do some shopping” comment.  That, no doubt, had come from his own mother . . .

(more on this later . . . it’s both troubling, sad but good . . . about some kids who are growing up . . .  but I will say: ‘she’ got to third base with him; he only made first . . . but he was trying . . . and his brother knows everything he does . . . they have – or HAD – many misconceptions about things . . .

But my lesson started with this one firm rule:  You don’t have sex unless you are in love with someone – and they are in love with you . . . and you NEVER force someone, ‘no’ means no . . . and “I don’t know” has “no” in it . . .

and a lot more

and a lot more to go.  As long as I don’t get shot in the foot – by some mom mad because I told her son she had to have sex sometime – or else she isn’t his mother . . . the same boy who’s mom abandoned him when he was 3 . . . left for a year and came back.  And of course the courts always award to the mother . . . no matter who’s she been with or what she’s done – even if she’s abandoned her own children before . . .

strange kinda land we live in . . . huh.

PS: did you catch the meaning behind the meaning of the title?  Because it’s the truth: kids love sex education – and you should give them some – the TRUTH -when their ready . . . and start exhibiting the “signs” . . . such as air-humping and saying he wants to “pump some girls RIGHT NOW” . . . wry smile . . . sure sign of some things down the line . . . but his mindset is kinda troubling. . . . we shall see where life leads, hey?  For sure . . . for certain . . . til the day I die.

LOL.

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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