The Sandusky Trial – A Survivor’s Point of View

Read this: The Grand Jury Report. This is the real deal: A PDF file which details each victim’s (and Sandusky’s) official testimony and trial

Read this: What Sandusky has said about child rape allegations The Defense

Read this: ‘The Sandusky 8’ describe seduction, molestation and betrayal” The Prosecution

Read this:  Sandusky’s adopted son now says he was molested, too  Newest Allegations

Oddly enough I am not surprised by this latest revelation.  I expect any boy he’s come in contact with is a potential victim. Sandusky was a promiscuous abuser – a true pedophile. However, (and sadly) – I sorta almost understand him.  That may bother some people; offend others.  But the fact is – I do understand.  Some.  More than I like.  It’s what enabled me to write the book, “The Boy” – I understand this so well.  It’s part of what my molester taught me to recruit other kids in the neighborhood.  He was into having parties with several of us at a time; later on he would have me try to recruit a new kid into the ‘group’.  I was still hurt, confused, and mucked up from his betrayal, and after a feeble try to never tried again.
Yeah, it was a mucked place under the surface in some ways, and not a good for a child to learn those sort of things about sex and love.  But that wasn’t my parent’s fault – not really.  It was part of what I call the “Children’s Conspiracy“.  And due to a lack of expressed love at home.  And an inability to say ‘no’ to a grownup or authority figure that led to that first time.  After that “I” was lost.
There’s a fine line between loving and abusing.  Sometimes it’s the parent who hangs on too much.  Sometimes it’s the method of discipline.  How many times has a parent said this:  “I do this because I love you?” – and then  beat the snot out of some kid, or disciplined in them some inappropriate way.  Ditto the thing with love and sex.  They can get tied together, too.
However, when it comes to sex – well, having sex with children crosses the line, especially in this changing world and society.  It changes them, makes them potentially unfit for society, makes them unhappy, depressed, sad, ashamed, feeling self-loathing (perhaps), guilt.  They go around questioning their feelings from there on out; they hear society say how evil this thing is – and yet they went about doing it.  They may have thought it was good – just something forbidden (like we did).  And when it’s with someone they love and/or trusted?  Someone that they feel loves them?  Especially if you’re doing it with other children?  It mucks with them, mucks them up bad.  Puts bad thoughts in their head, self-shame within their souls sometimes.  The list goes on and on.
It’s like I’ve been trying to teach my two grandsons (one who wants to have sex so bad he can’t stand it) – while the ‘sex’ may feel good and it all seems just fine – later it can come back to haunt you.  And not just haunt you for a little time.  For the rest of your life.  Plus, I added, you can hurt someone else, too.  Hurt them forever.  (This affects my grandson, the one with the big heart – and the one who wants to have sex so bad he can’t stand it.  I’m good friends with them.)
I think Sandusky had that line crossed in his own distant past – or went to crossing that line sometime early.  He went from loving a child to ‘making love’ to a child to using them.  From his testimony I would bet you a million dollars that he ‘loved’ every child he ‘made love with’ – he would say that if you asked him and he was willing to tell his heart’s truth of things.  That’s one of the things you’ve got to realize about this particular type of predator: love is involved.  To them it’s not about ‘using’ the child.  In their mind it’s about ‘making love’ to them, giving them as well as himself some pleasure.  Never minding or never really realizing: he’s damaging them.  Maybe not in the short term, but in the long term in so may ways we can not even begin to count them.
As a child who loved his molester, and was loved by him – this kind of gives me an insight into this I wish I didn’t have.  It digs up unpleasant memories.  Not about the sex, though that was enough.  But the betrayal and ‘things’ – meaning the long term effects it had.  I have had to split off a part of my personality to ‘handle’ it – and several more to handle that!  There’s ‘some’ parts I wish I didn’t have.  They’re crazy.  I wouldn’t wish this  on anybody.  It can drive you mad.  LOL.  (Or make you better – by giving you this kind of understanding that I wish I didn’t have.)
But Sandusky makes me sick.  Even the worst of my parts are somewhat sickened of him; him and his ways.  And that’s saying a lot.
A fine line has been crossed.  Even with me, a person who is into forgiving most of anything.  Sandusky crossed the line with Victim #1.  He crossed the line with his second victim.  And he kept on crossing the line over and over again.  I have no doubt that he molested a child, I have no doubt he molested many more than one.  I suspect for every voice that spoke up, there’s another dozen afraid to out of shame.  Shame that rubs off on them by society’s own views.  Because trust me – society makes things worse for these victims.  And it happens all the time.
One thing that really gets me in these confessions is nowhere is it seen that Sandusky gave his victims the option to say “no”.  He took the typical child molester’s approach, which is to come on gradually, showering the victim with gifts and something that felt like love – physical affection – before moving on to the real thing: anal sex and blow jobs.
I “know” this kind of person because my molester was one of them: a pedophile who didn’t use force.  He used love and acceptance.  And even he wasn’t as bad as Sandusky got about it.  He’d just leave you alone.  He wouldn’t ‘rape’ you (hold you down and force you to do it) – though he might coax and cajole you to. And I think Sandusky did that kind of thing.
I can’t help but think: If you love them, love them enough not to love them that way.  Don’t place that burden on them.  They’ll be carrying the rest of their life with them.
I wish molesters like that would learn that.
Sandusky can lie and deny – but the truth is, the evidence is overwhelmingly condemning.  There is no way out of it: he’s going to jail.  I don’t care what they say.  His own words betray him; the actions he has conveyed and confessed to in the shower, basement and things – well, it’s all there.  It’s enough to betray him – and now I simply don’t care.
It’s all about the victims now.  I’m hoping that they will get better.  And I’m glad that they stood up.  There’s no telling how many more boys Sandusky would have gone on to abuse if they hadn’t arrested him when they did – and I hope that this is soon “all over” so the victims can get on to recovering their lives.

About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle ( ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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5 Responses to The Sandusky Trial – A Survivor’s Point of View

  1. Marty says:

    I can not read this n but have followed it. I was a professioanal ball player and this man is the antithesis of what sport is about.

    I believe the evil in this man has or an not have karma even up. So so SO so many lives have been traumatized beyond repair it seems.

    The only thing I do know this son of a bitch has been a predator all his life now he is prey and some reckoning will happen for him. it just saddens me. I am calm but this man would not be breathing if this was one of my kids.

    Monsters protected and let loose to prey. penn state should give up football for a decade.

    football is not worth one child being sexually traumatized..


  2. Kat & Crew says:

    i,m *shakes head* cant respond. tii many thoughts and shit worling around. tell? cant spell. not like me! Kat


  3. All I can say is Bubba’s going to have a good time with Mr. Sandusky…don’t drop the soap ia all I’m sayin’…..oh damn……he might like that…..SMH!!!!


    • jeffssong says:

      I gotta feeling Mr. S. is gonna be a prison favorite if they let him out among the prison population – if someone doesn’t kill him first. (Kinda remembering Jeffery Dahlmer – he got it bad in the end. As in quite literally, LOL. One sick puppy there; soon to be another in the “pen”.


  4. Mustang.Koji says:

    You wrote of your feelings and of this incident very nobly and honorably. I also hope you are able to find inner peace yourself, sir.


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