Would You Abuse A Child?

Would you abuse a child?  How about an abused one?  Would you spit in his face and push him away?  Burn him and shame him to the core?  Especially if this child showed up one day bruised and battered at your front door?

Would you kick him out?  Would you wish him dead?  Will you try to kill the child in your head?

We tried.  We tried for a long time.  We tried to bury him in our mind; forget him forever.  That did not work.  ‘He’ rose again to haunt us with his plague of guilt and shame.

So we tried to ‘kill’ him.  We barely succeeded and nearly succeeded in killing ourselves.  We took forty whacks at a time; sometimes eighty.  Most on our left arm.  ‘Cuz that’sclosest to the heart and easiest to self-harm.

That didn’t work.  It was like dropping a brick on my foot to take ‘me’ and my heart and soul off the pain in my heart and head.  “He” was killing us with his emotions and ‘we’ could not stand him anymore.

So I tried to kill myself.  ‘They’ stopped me in the end; just barely.  It turns out my resistance to overdoses is rather good.  (Thank you US Army and Drug Lords – and many a young pharmacist over time.)

It wasn’t until last year when I started to embrace myself that I started to learn: take care of ‘him’.  Treat him as you would your own if he came up to you, all beaten and abused.  Like a real human being taking care of a real life human child.  Loving him.  Taking him in.

What would you do if an abused child came up to you, crying and needing help?  Would you turn him away?  Or greet him with some love – some understanding of his needs?

You gotta grow up inside of you; learn to do what a parent – a GOOD parent does for you.  Loving ‘him’ and taking him in your arms, soothing his sore head, brushing his hair back from his brow and staring him in the eyes.  You gotta look into his souls and realize they are yours . . .

Not yours to have but to hold; to take care of most tenderly – just as you would a human child, that child you have inside.  The one you blame (would you blame a human child?) . . . the one you shame (would you tell a human child that what he did – taking ‘it’ or asking for ‘it’ or bearing the effects and shame was ‘wrong’?).

No, I didn’t think you would.  I think you would accept a real human child with a real human heart, and real human treatment and things.  I think if ‘he’ was to show up at your front door you would take him in.  You would love him – perhaps be confused by him sometimes – as you struggled to understand his troubles, his pain – why ‘he’ did what he did at the time . . .

and you would find it didn’t matter, this human child in your mind.  That all the shame was not his, no need to feel guilty anymore.

I know that’s what ‘we’ did.  ‘We’ separated ‘him’ some more – setting ‘him’ aside from ‘us’ and then taking him back in.  Embracing him as one of ‘ours’ – a hurt and human child.  A survivor stuck in time.  One who needed our loving and not our hatred anymore, and when we understood – well, when you understand that all ‘he’ was looking for was some affection and some love – some human happiness, as small as he may be – but a child being used by forces beyond his control . . .

When you realize that as a child all you were looking for was some human happiness and some love . . .

and you take that child ‘in’ . . .

you begin to forgive ‘him’ and love him as a real human child.

One who is a resource and a treasure.  One who still feels some pain (for he is an abused child after all).  But ‘he’ is a survivor and so are you . . .

Would you treat a survivor in this way?

* Note: this is just a suggestion.  I found it worked for ‘me’.  “WE” all get along much better treating each other like real family – taking care of each other as best we can.
It has worked quite well.  For me.

About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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7 Responses to Would You Abuse A Child?

  1. Mustang.Koji says:

    A most gripping bit of writing, sir. The passage at the end asterisk was especially wonderful.


  2. Michael says:

    Nice Writing.

    You are the poster child for healing without a therapist. Perhaps as you are in a loving relationship?

    I have not yet accepted that my hurt self loved me all along. Loving my hurt self was hard enough.


    • jeffssong says:

      25 years+ and counting :/ don’t know as I’m a poster child for success, LOL – still a long long way to go (we still have 21 to deal with and 24 – two more of my ‘hurt’ beings). But you’ve given me some clues too. I haven’t forgotten about rowing a boat. What could ‘I’ have done given a real therapist who was really GOOD at this? Who knows.

      Surprising realization the other day by a comment a fellow named Noel made. “We” are not an “I” and haven’t been in a long long time. There is no ‘I’. Just a construct like a conglamoraton of ‘human beings’. Apparently “I” is gone; has been a long long time. (Did ‘he’ ever exist? So I wonder.) We’re fine with that as long as we all get along. Which is good. Not the therapy recommended answer, but one for ‘me’ anyway. For whatever it is worth.

      Still got a long row to hoe before the day is done, but sometimes I think I’m ready for the end. Not depression or sadness or any of that. Just ‘done’ – like we learned and it’s time to ‘move on’ to some other life. However I guess our lessons aren’t done or we’d be there. So we’re gonna stick around and see it through to the end, whenever that comes and whatever it entails inbetween.


    • Michael says:

      For me thinking I am done is a sure way to have others of me prove we are not.

      I know I was never one and so there could be no spiting off of one. We all developed separately.

      I still kayak a bit. I mostly swim now. Just started a thing with sinking. Just get in the water and blow out all your breath and you sink. Changes things somehow. I did discover I can not blow water out my nose. Seems if I learn to do that it will change things more. How this stuff comes to me I have not a clue.

      Will be kayaking when the weather gets cold.


      • jeffssong says:

        “For me thinking I am done is a sure way to have others of me prove we are not. ” <- yes, LOL – I am waiting for that other shoe to drop. Because I remember what you've said about it on your own blog.

        I just sort of never 'realized' that "I" ain't "I" – just seemed natural to be 3 on top all the time. I just never noticed the thing! However, as "I" have learned to 'let go' some it's become pretty clear. "I" got left 'behind' (if there ever was one) a long long time ago. Kind of a startling realization. I knew we were many and thought we could be 'one' but now I not only don't know, but am working on not caring; that it's okay with 'me' (and me and me and me echoing onto into infinity – like a house of mirrors) that 'we' are multiple. Kinda like realizing all over again.

        LOL, one of the best advice you ever gave me was about getting everyone in the boat rowing in the same direction. Meant a lot to me; put 'me' and 'we' on the same path so to speak.

        I used to love sinking. I loved it even better taking a heavy steel plate and hydrogliding to the very bottom using the plate as a plane. A great way to go somewhere while you're diving (was for us anyway) plus the speed & control. Getting that plate back up was hard, tho! But that was part of our training, too (gliding to targets soundlessly; no motors to betray – and you could go hundreds of yards quite effortlessly descending at a slight angle). Was really fun. Enjoyed.

        Hopefully the water will be cooler soon. Our lake is down 8 feet and dropping. The drought in Georgia is 'on' – but it's been 'on' so long I think it has become a permanent thing and people oughta just recognize it and deal/live/adapt – like us, LOL!


      • Michael says:

        I love the steel plate idea.

        I did some research on free diving. It can be dangerous. So I am doing Free Free Diving. I figure if I do not use any gear and just my body I will be fine.

        I might just have to try the metal plate thing thought. That sounds like great fun.


  3. Hobbles says:

    Well stated Jeff.


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