We were talking to someone . . . I don’t remember who, and they were wondering where we fit in on their scale in terms of healing and/or being “healed” (e.g. cured of their abuse and shame issues) – and we came to realize that depending upon the alter, each was somewhere different on that scale, the path to ‘healing’ – one in one place; another in another.
In doing so we realized what we’ve learned from our psychology studies: that each alter is in its own stage of healing. Some (most notably the adults) are further along; some are still stuck in the past, or in some emotional state of being which does not fit ‘right’ now. (e.g. our alter “13”, who is slowly recovering from a lifelong fit of depression, and coming to terms – again – with ‘his’ own loneliness in ‘his’ time.)
Many people with DID are functional for a reason: they have adult alters to ‘keep them in line’. You have a life to live, ya know! And so some alters get shoved aside – mostly the younger ones – to deal with their own depression, suicidal thoughts / actions, etc – usually in ‘solitary confinement’, if you know what I mean. They are those little things you ‘try’ to forget – but can’t – or can, only a lot of other stuff as well.
Those are the ones that need helped. In some cases it means taking ‘them’ by the hand and explaining – that yes, those persons did not mean to hurt us; no, they didn’t know what they had done; some were being cruel and being mean because that’s the way they were – the way they had been trained . . . just like you sometimes (depending upon the alter; some are very harmless, mostly the smaller children).
and no, society is “not all wrong” about this, and even if they are – it’s no reason to die or want to “off one’s self” (as our “13” teenage alter reminds us) – and slowly, albeit very slowly . . .
changes can be made.
For us it involves a lot of things. Treating an alter with respect and love; not shoving them ‘behind’; asking their concerns, “feeling them” (all you DID’ers know what I mean there) – sussing out their emotions, their contexts . . . that kind of stuff.
And then you can begin to work on them.
For some of us there in “the very beginning” when we started to tear them apart last year – the infamous “MOM”, Religious Man; Little Brother and Big Brother, too – ripping them apart, spilling their contents – and reassembling them into some beings – Satan, too – that one we split in have; one an insane ‘baby’ for our Littles to take care of – and ignore his insane babblings and ramblings; and one to help us along . . .
Some blew our mind, as in “where did THAT one come from?” such as Samuel, Sarah, and Aoela – though Aoela we can somewhat explain. She came from the ‘good’ (and troubled) leftovers from “MOM”, along with a little sprinkling of something ‘extra’ – we’re not sure. But in the end we found our maternal love in and with her.
Which sort of explains those two children, Samuel (Sam) and Sarah. I don’t know WHY, but I keep thinking or feeling they were/are Jews, from an earlier day in their religion – whereas Aoela comes with an entirely different past which ties into a tale from our Core (or a Being very near to it). Following those lines of thought would have you believing in reincarnation – or the wonderfulness of this special madness of ours. For they “all” (D.A. Michael, Aoela, Samuel & Sarah) all “tie” together in some way – with a tale of their own. And if I’m willing to believe it, they come from a distant past . . .
Not that it really matters. I’ve managed to ‘work’ with them to the point to where ‘they’ are a lot happier and get along. And with a DID system, that’s quite important. Figuring out who needs more love and understanding, what their issues are – sitting down with them in your head and figuring it out – writing it out on paper. Whatever. Going through a therapy counseling session with them – whether you are alone or not. We’ve done many a self-therapy session – out on the deck, talking to ourselves, talking sometimes right here. “Therapy sessions” that you make for yourself – because the therapist can’t really “do it” for you. Not that real bind, that last hurdle – accepting yourself for yourself, and all that you can be or could – and nothing bad that happened to you can hurt you anymore.
“Internalizing those words you’ve heard.” That’s the one. The hardest of all: finally accepting yourself as a human being – and everyone else as well. It’s hard to do. Just like forgiving yourself – and them – for being human over and over again.
There’s a long way to go on that – and many more. Life is full of hard lessons. Some learn and some don’t. And when you’re DID you might find yourself explaining – again and again and again. Listening to each alter, their feelings and concerns. Trying to explain to them when you need to, bearing their emotion if you have to. Helping them ‘see’ the light; helping them to move on.
It’s a long path we take. And we take it, one by one.