They Aren’t YOUR Children.

Make no mistake: those aren’t “your” children.  Those kids belong to the future, not you.  But it’s up to you to raise them for that given unseen fate.  You aren’t raising those kids for you – you’re raising them for society.

But what kind of children are you raising?  The kind society is going to have to kick in the butt?  Or children the general public can tolerate and stand – ones who will be an asset to the future, protectors of our lands?

Are you raising clones of you? If so, you are wrong.  You don’t want them responding to tomorrow’s problems and tomorrow’s demands with yesterday’s solutions, yesterday’s plans.  You have to build what you want to see – not what we have.  Hopefully you are teaching them tolerance and cooperation, to work hand in hand.

Or are you going to go the other route, envisioning some perfect nirvana (which never exists) – some “peaceful world” which is safe for future children to play?  Denying to them that hazards exist, never arming them in any way?  That could be a mistake, too.  I’ve seen some parents who in their naivety say: “The world should be a perfectly safe place” – which it will never be.  But they shield their children, blind them to the troubles ‘out there’ to the extant that their children are too meek and unwilling to ever make a stand.

Let me tell you something about children.  I think I know a bit because I’ve helped raise about a dozen or so.

These children are not “yours” at all.  They will move on into society and they belong to the land you live.  They aren’t yours at all (except, perhaps, in mostly a genetic sense).  They are the future’s – and if you want a better future, then, while it may be too late to change your mind and the way you think – it’s not too late for them.

I see a lot of folks who “don’t raise” their children.  They expect society and the schools to do it for them.  In their ambition for freedom and their desire to be a friend, they let their children “do anything” – run wild (in the grocery store, in their cars) – who let their children be disrespectful of them.  “I think it’s cute!”, I heard a mom say – as her 3 year old daughter stood petulantly in front of her, hips cocked, one fist dug into their frame – cursing her.

Yeah, cute all right – up until I meet her for the first time.

You can call me the “old man” – call me “society” – because I tell the parents of renegade sons and daughters:

“Just wait until they grow up and get out of the house – because THEN Society will take a hand – upside their heads, maybe put them in prison, or just deny them the opportunities a well behaved human can have.”

Because that’s the truth of it, parents of spoiled children or children you let get out of hand (constantly and forever).  If you don’t “take care of them” – make them behave – Society WILL.

I’ve seen it.  People – children – who were raised, silver spoon in hand.  They were fed anything – anything! – their little hearts desired, and they were handed everything.  I see it now, among my own grandchildren: this desire to give them everything.  And as a consequence they believe they deserve it!

My oldest grandson (he’s 12) – thinks he “deserves” and “needs” a smart phone.  His brother, only 9, feels he should have one.  His parents, their heads buried in their cell phones, believe the same thing.  And now that he’s got one he spends most of his time with his head buried in the thing.

He doesn’t realize it costs $40 a month for them to have a “plan” (a bit more now that they have 3 of them – the parents and one kid).  He thinks they just come for free.  Just as the other children have.

Imagine their shock! when they learned – those things cost money and weren’t given to them for “free”.

My youngest grandchild thinks you get money from “the store” – and she means the grocery store, and all of them think the food should come “for free”.  They don’t understand the dynamics of business, the farmers – and when I explained, they didn’t think it was fair: the farmers shouldn’t (in their opinion) be getting paid for anything.

Ditto things like electricity, indoor working plumbing, and the roof over their head.

They think all these things should just come to them “for free”.  Deep down in their hearts they know better, but the thing is?

You should’ve seen the shock on their faces when I told them: you’ve got to earn them.  They aren’t just handed to you.  If you don’t get a job and earn some money (and no hon, the store won’t just “give you” money) – you’re going to be living in the street.

Odd how the parents don’t seem to be teaching them these things – or even basic manners.

But I am.  I represent the “mainstream” of society and I don’t give them a thing.  I make them earn it, work for it.

As a result the oldest often leaves my house ‘poor’.  He won’t work for anything.  And yet he sniffs and fusses when his younger brother (a harder worker) gets some money, candy or something.

“I want some!” he says, putting his hand out.  And while his parents may cave in, I don’t – not ever.

I’m like society – or at least the one I came from.  The one where you had to work for everything you had.  Where you worked hard, or not at all.  If you didn’t work, you didn’t get paid.  If you didn’t put your life down on the line, you were branded a coward and worse.  Where you got your ass kicked by any grownup that happened to be around when you were misbehaving . . .

just like society does.

Those aren’t “your” kids, by the way: they are the children of the future.

The question is: what kind of future are you making them to be in?


About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle ( ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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2 Responses to They Aren’t YOUR Children.

  1. vwoopvwoop says:

    this post reminds me a lot of the poem “the prophet” by khalil gibran, particularly the portion titled “on children”:

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.


    • jeffssong says:

      I loved your reply – so apt and fair. And the truth is we should be grooming our children for the future we desire. However, and alas, I don’t see it, not much. People’s children so often mirror their parent’s attitudes of hatred, prejudice, misconception and greed. It that what we want them carrying on into the future? Or the better part of us?

      Thanks again.
      ’nuff said. 🙂


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