“I forgive . . .”.
No matter how many times you say those kinds of words, it takes some time for them to settle in – settle in your soul and heart to where you don’t think about them anymore.
“I forgive,” can be a first step out of some madness, and certainly from a lot of rage. But it’s hard to do when somebody’s done something to you, something that’s bad or evil. Forgiving one’s self seems to be the hardest gift of all: forgiving one’s self (or selves) for having done something evil, or spiteful, or mad.
Telling yourself you’re human helps a bit with it; telling everyone else is rather hard.
But there’s a step I’ve become aware of here lately, of moving beyond forgiveness into something else.
That’s why I’m sitting here writing about it. This is one of the ways I can find out.
Forgiveness begins and ends with you. I know that . The ability to forgive one’s self – for simply being human, if nothing else, and forgiving others can be hard.
But to say: “I forgive” still implies you have something to forgive ‘them’ (or he/she/it/they) about. That you still feel something . . . bad . . . so to say “I forgive” implies you still have some emotion behind the event; that you are still feeling something about it.
That’s not always a positive thing – but it can be. It lets you know you’re still human . . .
and moving on to forgiveness gets rid of a lot of rage – self-rage and anger; rage at them, the world . . .
But I’ve come to see that by forgiving, I still have to deal with some stuff. It’s getting easier (and harder sometimes) to do. I still have my ups and downs. I still have my split personalities. ‘We’ still come out from time to time. We’ve managed to spread forgiveness all around.
It helps with the anger sometimes . . .
But . . .
I think (like seeing the light over the horizon of a rising sun) there’s a stage or ‘something’ that comes after forgiveness.
Perhaps acceptance will do.
Acceptance that they are simply human.
As you and we are, too.