Whutta Month – Parents, Whatever :/

What a month.  Or month & a half, anyway. Or longer.

One day I’m going to have inscribed on my tombstone:

“THAT was Interesting!”

This past month & a half my dad had an elective kind of surgery. Army provided, tho’ they did it at a civilian hospital.

He is in his mid-80’s, and plowed ahead despite recommendations that he not do this. Now he’s driving my mom (and ‘me’, a bit) crazy by behaving like a child.  First he fires his physical therapist (because it was a “he” and a “him” and not some cute “she” he could use as some sort of eye-candy to motivate him).

Then he refuses to exercise at all.  This after getting a new knee put in.

“It’s a lot tougher than it looks,” me and about a dozen other people told him, including some former knee surgery patients who’d gone through it before.

Now he’s like the little child saying: “I’m going to hold my breath until I turn blue!  THAT’ll show you!”

And my mom, insane as hell to begin with . . .

I finally had to go over there and get all their guns.  They were both armed to the teeth, plenty of ammunition.

In a way it reminds (reminded) me of the Cold War – each standing the other off, each unsure if the threat was to their own health or the other – and causing ill health all around.

And then, just to make things even more interesting, Facebook suspends my account. No reason given (this was several weeks ago; I’ve tried & tried to get in contact with them) – and they ALSO (apparently) dissolved the group I’d started for DID folks.  Did the ol’ “History” thing on my browser and lo & behold several of the groups are gone.  I wonder what’s happened to my 138 ‘friends’ or whatever.  I’ve been ‘torn’ between going back on, starting over again: should I have a Facebook account?  Somehow the idea of ‘starting over’ with a new name & whatall (tho’ I’d still have to use a variant of my Jeffsong name) would be a hassle.  And from what I saw most folks are muddling on through like whatever.  Don’t know as I made any difference; parts of me don’t care.  “I’m done with that,” some of them are saying. Some are angry. Why didn’t Facebook tell me what went wrong?

But they are a private company so I guess they can do what they want. Most do.

So: I’m expecting my old man to be dying any day if my mom doesn’t kill him first.  He refuses – and has always refused – to do anything ‘uncomfortable’ even if it will save his life.  He has a low tolerance for pain – tho’ his beatings were what gave me mine. (wry smile: some benefits in everything.)  When he was in the rehab place he only did the minimum – and griped about the pain.  He pissed in his bed – why? Not because he couldn’t get up – he could, it just hurt his knee – and when asked why he said it was just easier to let it go.  The nurses could clean it up.

Not at my mom’s place, tho’.

We’re working to get him committed before long; I expect him to go to the VA for his final life song – and knowing him, he’ll curl up in his room, fall asleep one day, and never wake up.

He’s a working point for euthanasia.  So was my gram.  And my mom supports it.  And with this body I am sure I would have to come to my own kind of decision – it’s falling apart quick.  And there’s others I know who look at pain, life, their tolerance for it – and some who have lived “long enough” in their words.

I once had an aunt hit 108; another 104.  One had a working mind, the other a working body. They worked as a team. But the mind person (the older one – go figure!) told me she wished they were over a long time before they hit the nursing home.  The other one (without a mind) was happy as a lark.

I’ve had a strange sort of family, thinking of it, looking around me. Not as strange as some; stranger than others, and totally dysfunctional in some ways – and in some ways social dysfunction (though I can blend in quite well).  And now, looking at my unhappy parents and their unhappy lives – and they can only blame each other (Which they do all the time) and their selves (which they are too blind to see – sometimes).  A mom who can’t be happy & be alive; a dad who is spiting (as in “to spite”) himself in the grave . . .

They’ve served as fine examples on what not to do.  And if that’s not family, who else can teach you?




About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
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7 Responses to Whutta Month – Parents, Whatever :/

  1. thehobbler says:

    Knee surgery at 81? Not a great idea. I’m a firm believer in euthanasia by choice, but not so much if its up to someone else to decide. I want to decide before I get to the point where I can’t decide. Glad you took their guns. It must be hard going over there. I’m sure parts of you wish they would just kill each other. Facebook? I stopped doing it a few years ago. I prefer reality and blog-ality. Facebook makes some weird decisions that make me uncomfortable with that company, but good luck, whatever you choose.


    • jeffssong says:

      LOL. The old man is 84, the docs told him: bad idea, you are too weak, but he snowed them, put on a big show. Funny thing is my mom said as soon as the doc would leave the office he’d “wilt”. Then refusing to do PT? How stupid. I’d kill for a home PT therapist. He fires them. LOL. Now he wishes he was dead. How stupid is *that*?!! Just got a new knee so he could walk better and he just lays down. And fight! Fight, fight, fight is all they do; I get 2 or 3 phone calls a day – and they moved to just 4 miles away. As they say on Southpark: “you bastards!” LOL!!

      Ya, the facebook thing sux but worst of all was they canning those groups. WTF is up with that?? They were helping people. But (shrug) oh well, WTF & whut the hell. Those folks can make it alone. The internet was never a ‘given’; more of an option.

      How’s the foot? I’ll ache for you, LOL. My back & shoulder have been really kickin’, so I just work some more. Ain’t no use giving into it so I might as well fight it – and then “I” can turn “it” (the body) over to the host to take care of – and ‘he’ wants flowers. We’ve planted over 2000 sq.ft. of marigolds & zinnas this year. Oughta bee a pretty good show. Plus some yummy cherry tomatoes. Good deal. 😀

      Until later Hobbler. Hope that foot gets better. And yeah: the parents are crazy hell, but it won’t last for long – another month or two. Then he’ll be dead most likely (if mom don’t kill him first!) – and maybe she’ll get the break of her life. Of course knowin’ her she’ll still bitch & worry. Only woman I ever knew who can’t be happy unless she’s madder than hell – her way of feeling alive. 😀


      • thehobbler says:

        It’s quite possible the knee replacement kills him. Especially if he won’t move or anything. You can get blood clots and all kinds of additional problems. Why did they move so close? Sorry Jeff.

        Facebook is kind of a mixed blessing thing. I don’t understand why they would cancel the groups. Maybe they thought it was too serious for Facebook. They like everyone posting cheesy pics and other BS like that.

        Good for you, fighting. I’m not much of a pain/disability fighter. I try to just accommodate it. Medication, technology, assistive devices. I do love gardening, and will scoot around on the ground for that. Sounds like you’ll have a beautiful garden. You’ll have to do a post with pics when everything starts blooming. We just planted lots of flowers too. I’m wanting to do some veggies to show my kids how they grow and stuff, but our soil sucks. It’s mostly clay, and a bitch to even get flowers to grow. Veggies would starve, but we got some seeds anyway. I’m going to try to make a raised bed thing.

        I wonder how your mom would kill your dad now that the guns are gone? Maybe rat poison or something. I hope you know I’m not making fun of the situation. Just knowing a lot of your story, what they did, and now they’re getting old and need you…it’s the irony. Plus, humor helps difficult situations, right?


      • jeffssong says:

        Hey Hobbles!
        ~ and the drama continues, I think now my mom has decided to inconvenience me since she’s so inconvenienced with the dad – taking care of him and whatall. But whut a spaz!!! She was jumping up every 15 seconds at the VA and/or turning around. “did they call him?” she’d ask. “I heard a voice!”, she’d say, turning & writhing in her seat constantly. Sure, the noise volume was loud – but I was sitting right there! to listen. LOL, she wants to drive me insane(er). She’s already there, tho’.

        Mom would kill him in a fit of rage – kinda like that episode when I was 4 and she wanted to kill us. Only she’d do it this time: with a knife, probably a big one, driven repeatedly through his chest so she can stick her face in his while she’s doing the screamin’ meanies at you. Sheer rage, that kinda girl.

        They DID live 800+ miles away before I moved here. Then my dad retired from ATT – and they moved to be near the Fort & medical facilities, plus my dad was almost always stationed here (at Ft. Gorden: big base). There are 2 VA’s and an Army hospital on post.

        But they wanted to be near their son. I tried my darnedest to discourage them (this was a small town where I’m at – a one-horse road with on stop sign when I moved in) – but it’s grown. And they moved here. 😦 Sux. They have another son. Why didn’t they go bother him? LOL. He lived out West. Now he’s in Hotlanta. He really sux. Me & him rarely fight but we do argue. Lots. LOL.

        Yeah; we got plenty of photos of flowers & stuff over the years. Environment has changed tho’, and that’s not for the better. Civilization has moved in – killed all of my dogwoods, 24 azaleas, and 32 roses. The city did it all. Plus they messed up my frontage, had 15 floods in 3 years, flooded (and silted) up my beautiful koi pond & fountain, & all the fish died. Now we’ve had a fire. (front yard) One of the trees I planted 25 years ago has nearly died.

        But listen to me griping! LOL. The frogs are croaking & lizards running around. I watched a lizard fight the other day. Really kewl stuff. Like I taught my daughter:
        “pay attention to the smallest of things and you’ll never miss the big ones.”
        The world is much more interesting that way, BTW & IMO.

        Later girl! Keep on rollin’. 😀


  2. M says:

    Hi Jeff, I was a member from you facebook group: DID and me: for people with dissociative identity disorder. I dont know what happened; weeks ago, I was removed from the group. I need to know what happened and I also want to know if I can be included again.


    • jeffssong says:

      Don’t feel bad – Facebook suspended my account and closed *several* DID groups at the same time. I have tried contacting them, but get no response to my emails. They gave me no reason: just ‘poof!’ – account gone, groups dissolved. I guess they didn’t like all the DID stuff on their site. Some sites don’t like mental health issues; they make the site owners paranoid. There are other groups. As for me? I’m still trying to find out what happened. 😦


      • M says:

        I found your group very safe and you were a good admin. Im really sorry about the situation. If you create another DID group let me know.

        Wish you all the best.


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