It’s Not the Abuse – It’s the Effects

It’s Not About the Abuse – It’s About Its Effects

(Or: It’s not about dwelling on the past – it is about working on the “NOW”.)

(Note: this is LONG – 2770 words.  Sorry.  But hey: scan through it, see if there’s anything you can use, take what you want or as it applies to you and be happy along the way.  In the NOW!  And stay there. 😉  Read on – you’ll see.)

We’ve all faced it if you’ve admitted to yourself, a therapist, shrink, friend, whatever – your memories and your past. You are encouraged to tell those horror stories.  Trust me: IT CAN RE-TRAUMATIZE YOU.  It can make things worse.  You can end up dwelling on past harm, swimming in it, drowning at times; maybe even wanting to take your life, or do harm.  Sometimes it’s to yourself or in our case, “selves”.  But face it: human beings are human beings and who doesn’t like watching a good train?  And some people get off on controlling making you feel pain, saying it’s in the name of “therapy” and claiming it’s healing.  It is NOT, and not always.  It just helps you understand where certain views and reactions you (and “yours”, if you have them) came from.  WHY you have “those thoughts” and maybe what they mean; or why your thinking is distorted, or the thinking of one of your sides, or selves.

But that doesn’t change anything.  It is simply understanding yourself better by knowing how a view, a way of seeing, can be distorted, or just wrong on your part based on past events.

Trust me, you don’t have to go through all that, though in some cases it may be necessary. You don’t have to go through every horrid stroke, every feeling, word, thought, action in the past which got you where you are. Dwelling on sh** can leave you mired in the sh**, get “stuck”.  And be really wary of a therapist who seems too interested solely in your past, and wants stories, making you thrash through every painful event and detail.  Ultimately these are going to be unimportant to you and your healing.  Trust me: I’ve done it all, been through it.  Healed now, I consider “myself”.  Going through all that old sh**/stuff can actually make things much worse.  And to tell the truth?  All those past horrors and events?  They are unimportant compared to what IS – today!

Why?

Because TODAY isn’t about your past, though your past formed your views and response to today.    What IS important is NOW, and how that will feel in the future.  Yes, it IS or may be important to you for you to know what happened to you.   I can feel your pain on that!  But as an old friend told me: “You have to accept there are parts of your past you can never know.”  Never mind memory is like a thin gold mirror reflecting events from the past: even touching it can change it.  Studies have shown just remembering physically changes the memory, ‘strengthening’ or increasing the ‘weight’ or importance of something IN the memory, and to the memory itself, and that the mind WILL make up some of the details to fill in the gaps.

So never mind “what happened”, however horrid, abusive, etc.  Everyone’s got horror stories, some really bad.  Some things you maybe can get over, through, or around.  In a case like mine you must do all 3.  Some things you might never get completely over.  Some things are always going to bring a touch of sadness, of loss.  BUT: You have learned tragedy.  You have known pain.  You can learn to embrace that; realize how much richer your life is for it.  YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.  You’ve can to learn to accept that and forge it to good.  That might mean – DOES often mean – forgiving yourself and others, including between any “selves” that might be lurking inside.  Don’t look at them with fear or loathing, or hatred, dread.  Learn to accept ‘them’ within you with open arms. Learning to forgive for peace of mind is important.  Once you do you no longer have  reason for hate and rage.  Thus it’s for the sake of your happiness.  Your happiness should become all important to you.  It is to me, believe it or not, though I will put my own happiness first – a thing hard won and well earned.  I wish everyone could be happy & all at the same time.  But that’s not going to happen, and I can’t do it for them, or even you.  I can only help as best I can by putting signposts ahead.  After all, Happiness IS the only goal in Life.  Only you can do it.  There is no other when you dig to the root of any behavior, want, desire, want, fate . . . it ends with “I think or thought it would make me happy at the time” while admitting it was a failed effort over 99% of the time.  YOU CAN FIX THAT, DO IT WITHIN YOURSELF.  And only YOU can do it.  No one else can do it for you – no therapist, psychologist, shrink, counselor.  Ultimately it comes down to “the client must make some effort and do these things themselves”.

So the past, while important, isn’t important NOW.  What is important NOW is the EFFECT today.  If your perception give problems, whether it’s suicidal tendencies (or even “idealization”), self-harm, split personalities, an uncontrolled ability to stop dwelling on some facets of your life – whateverYou can get over it, beyond and learn to handle things with ease IF you are willing to work on how you feel in the NOW: examining how you think, and more importantly, how you see, or perceive (and thus think) about things.  Once you realize WHY you think the way you do you can know where certain feelings can come from, where they may be false in this particular application in your “NOW” and in the “TODAY”.  By knowing what went wrong, where  and how, you can more easily change it, which is much of the reason therapists & counselors want you to tell them your stories – but then later on, after you’ve figured out the “why’s” and “how’s”, you can begin to compensate for that “wrong thought” or “mislabeled perception”.  As you get better at this later you might find you are doing it more automatically, then later still – it just comes naturally.  You can be a mentally healthy & happy human being.  YOU CAN GET BETTER handling things, including your own past – by handling YOURSELF, and quite consciously – in the beginning and in the “now”.  Learn to take strength from what happened instead of letting it TAKE strength FROM you, find wisdom it gave you.  You are a unique human being for having gone through all of this.  Think not?  Look at your scars, self-inflicted, perhaps.  I have mine, too, as a reminder now, a remembrance, an event I’ll never repeat.  You, like me, may rememberempty pill bottles in the trash and by now you know – or I hope you know: that’s NOT the way to my happiness, not really.  And if all else fails, hang onto the hope of having some hope someday, perhaps far in the future . . . but it is there.

Because – trust me: IT CAN BE DONE.

Ask yourself: who else but YOU knows these kinds of things, all intimate and close up?  Who had the wisdom to see their way this far?  What kind of knowledge did it give you?  What tools did you use?  Maybe it’s time for some new ones, something to supplement your armor – and the best come from changing your attitudes and your perceptions so that things no longer bother you.  And no, I don’t mean an “apathy” feeling, as in “I don’t care how I feel towards the world, or the world in general.”  I’ve touched on the dangers of apathy before.  No – look towards the positive sides of the abuse, and how it affects your behavior in this day and age.  NOW.  More empathic? Kinder? Tougher? More knowledgeable ABOUT abuse and all its assorted effects?  Looking for and FINDING the good that can come out of it, and how to apply that in a positive, encouraging manner that helps is a great way to your new life.  From time to time you’re will find yourself picking up old tools and using them, but that’s the intelligence which comes from ‘healing’ and “controlling”, and “doing the work”.  You learn how to handle things, what YOU must do in YOURSELF, whether it’s changing your views or the outside world, or coming to terms with that you CAN’T change – all these things.  Learn to catch yourself in the moment AT the moment, halting what is going on inside and then re-examining it: how you feel, where that welling panic, distrust, fear, or whatever comes from – and then coldly setting that aside while you re-evaluate your position.  “Am I wrong?” is one of the first things you should be asking about those “instinctive” or “gut” feelings when you have been abused and become a survivor.  Consulting statistics (and I mean real ones) about dangers, if you think, or have, dangers around you – because some of them ARE real.  So get the right information about them.  For instance, most of us are in mortal danger traveling down the autobahn, or highways here in America.  But the fact is most things are safe as houses, or even more so.  (Most accidents happen at home, after all – lol!)  And most people are not bad once you get to know them.  But to do all that you must deal in the “NOW” and learn to re-evaluate your emotions by examining your own thoughts, and making sure they aren’t stemming from some past abusive history.

Learn to ask yourself “why?” about a zillion times about a feeling, or why something bothers & plagues you – some facet of your life you find or found so horrifying it traumatized you and now seems intent on dragging you to the Pit of Depression.  Those things matter, but ONLY in relation to how you’re feeling today and would like to feel later.  I would suggest Journaling as a method of doing this, whether it’s about past events or something that just happened right now.  Dig down by asking “why” to every answer you come to, dig down & drill some more.  Eventually you’re going to find the truth of it.  That comes when you reach the point where you say: “I thought someone or this thing and/or event was going to bring me some happiness” and there are no more “why’s” behind that.

But that’s just the thing.  Say you, like ‘me’, “found” you actually weren’t like everyone else.  I didn’t think anything was wrong.  ‘We’ had always thought in a ‘we’, or plural form, down until we were about 4 or 5 years old.  “We” thought feeling suicidal all the time was normal: that was our perception.  “We” felt that all this inward fighting – well, EVERYONE had that.  Looking back at it I can feel kinda stupid.  After all that psychological training that we had . . . but that was to give us some tools in case anythig went wrong, which it did, and kept going wrong multiple times until another ‘alter’ rose to the top to help take care of it, this “split” personality – one that can get out of control, OR as we reassure those who struggling with DID, BPD, or MPD*, it can become useful – a tool for getting around, indeed, for getting ahead once you’ve learned to treat ‘you’ and ‘yourselves’ as one big family.  I can’t be ‘cured’, not really.  The original ‘I’ is gone,, broken, dead, evolved, shattered – whatever.  But I accept ‘myself’ (or selves) with a sense of humor.  ‘We’ are all not all always happy, but we struggle much less.  It was  difficult to be sure, but we had advantages: time was on our side, and we went through a great deal of work “getting there”, or rather, “in the now” and no longer worrying or hurting inside.   Dealing with business in the TODAY; beng a child when appropriate, etc. We’ll probably always bear the title of being “a little strange in his views”.  “Fifteen degrees off,” as some have put it.  But all agree on one thing.  We are seem to be a very happy person and well adjusted in SOME ways.

And I think  any DID “system”, or a person with one of the disorders listed above, does not have to undergo integration in order to ‘work’ as so many psychologists, counselors, therapists, and other doctors in the professional field, as well as many ‘civilians’ who think they are ‘trained’, or just the public perception – through the use of drugs, say, to limit the amount of switching and make the person’s personalities half dead, or non-existant at all.  (They’ve “fallen asleep” in other words, to use the parlay in lunatic asylum patient speak.  I can say that having being one of them, LOL.)  Drugs don’t work; they incapacitate the patient and keep “him” (or her, as the case may be) from dealing with themselves inside.  Making you numb inside and out.

Never a good solution.  After all, that’s what DID IS!!

So as you can see – did I tell you a single story from my past?  Did you hear horrors or just yawns and moans?  (I’m okay with that, too, LOL.  You got this far and we’re almost at the end.)  And do you know why?

I’m not dealing with my past.  Instead of wasting my efforts on water down the drain, water over the dam and staring at all that darned milk spilled . . .

I analyze how I am in the now.  I pay attention to myself and selves, and how ‘they’ are feeling.  Especially when I am ‘uncomfortable’.  It’s a sign somethings not right . . . in the now, and since I am not wasting my time fretting about my past I can concentrate my resources on the ‘now’.  NOT into the future where the unknown AND unknowable will be happening.  That’s how one begins to WORRY – by living too much ahead.  It’s okay to dream and plan, but after that?  Just go ahead and handle things as they come up.  Don’t fret about every detail of “the plan” going 100% perfect and especially 100% of the time.  Plans don’t survive contact with reality, a well proven and time worn fact.  (They even teach it in Army School.)

No, what you’ve got to do is deal with the “now” of things, quit living in the past IF YOU CAN.  Well do I understand the meaning of the phrase: “I’d love to, but IT won’t let go of ME” when someone would ask why I “couldn’t let something go”.  I invented it! 😉  While relating old stories can have some uses – it can help identify WHEN things might have gone wrong, and for all the right reasons, or they could be wrong.  You may find, as (I’m smiling here) I did that when you discover “where” some of those impulses, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, daymares, dreams, hallucinations, etc. – all those things of “madness” being described by some people – are but aren’t really your own.  And a “system” can be built to handle it.  That goes for monominds as well – those of a single personality, or no personality disorder at all.  Working on the now, and not what happened before – rebuilding the walls and bridges, not staring at some devastated landscape in your mind – it can be done.  But only in the now.  Because really, that’s all there is.

And remember:
Depression comes from dwelling too much on bad things that happened – the PAST –  and worry comes from living too much in the future.  Don’t do too much of either one of them.

Instead focus on the effects on the “YOU” now.   Find them, “fix” them (again, not looking towards the past for a solution, nor to some unseen future) – keep asking yourself “why?” over and over again . . . and YOU can find some answer, something to give you the key (or “a” key) to start healing.

And good luck – do some deep thinking! – along the way.  It’s a hard row to harrow any time  of the week.

Matt and Mikie


MPD: NIMH’s old of “split personality disorder”, now superceded and fragmented into other categories which have been folded in under the all encompassing umbrella term of “D.I.D.”
*DID: Dissociation Identity Disorder: generally charcterized by a high degree of compartmentalization within a person to include such structures, and to a point, that it seems another ‘person’ or personality emerges.
BPD: Borderline Personality Disorder: Also under “D.I.D.”, generally characterized as what seems more as a “mood swing” or wild and rapid changes to the base personality.  Usually the person is aware, but may be unable to control themselves; e.g. acts inappropriately, smiles at all the wrong things, etc.

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About jeffssong

JW is an adult childhood abuse survivor with DID*. He grew up in a violent family devoid of love and affection. He is a military brat and veteran. He no longer struggles with that past. In 1976 JW began writing "The Boy". It took 34 years to complete. It is currently on Kindle (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T3IVKK ), or if you prefer hard copy, on Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Boy-J-W/dp/1461022681). JW resides somewhere in the deep South. He is disabled and living with family. Note: Please feel free to take what you need; all is free to all. With that in mind, keep it that way to others. Thank you. We have 3 Blogs - One for our younger days, 0-10 (The Little Shop of Horrors); one for our Teen Alter and his 'friends' (also alters) with a lot of poetry; and finally "my" own, the Song of Life (current events and things)
This entry was posted in child abuse, child abuse survivor, depression, DID, DID Advantages, dissociative identity disorder, mental health, Mental Health Professionals, MPD, Psychology, PTSD, Schizophrenia, survivor, therapy. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to It’s Not the Abuse – It’s the Effects

  1. Great post. I am an advocate of therapy in general, as an aid to working through mental health issues, as opposed to medication only approaches. But you are absolutely right, the focus has to be on the effects in the present and not on the past events themselves. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. There is a lot in this post I agree with, Jeff. You’ve got some great insights. I do believe that one doesn’t always need to be in therapy, or to integrate, in order to make progress in life and to heal. Having said that, I think there are times when therapy can be a useful tool if it doesn’t become a crutch to keep one living in the past. Also, I guess I can only speak for myself when I say this but getting to the place of only dealing with the present takes time. It’s different for everyone. For me it took decades–and part of the reason for that is because I attempted to focus on the now and just ignore the trauma that had caused my DID in the first place. I do believe we each need to work through our abusive childhoods before we can safely relegate it to the past, and move ahead with our lives. The key is not getting stuck, of course. Trudging through the old man’s rubble of our broken childhoods is an integral part of getting to the point of being able to leave the past in the past. Until I see what caused my brokenness I am doomed to live in its condemning shadow. There is so much denial with abuse that it does take time to be able to leave it behind and get on with the business of living today.

    I spun my wheels for years, once I began scrutinizing my childhood, because I didn’t know what to do with all the memories that surfaced. Also, I didn’t know about being kind to myself and to my insiders. This too takes time. We have to learn what we didn’t during the years of our abuse–that we are valuable human beings worthy of respect and kindness. I think there’s almost inevitably a time period between facing the past and then moving into the NOW, where we do spin our wheels a bit, get too bogged down in details and horrible memories and maybe even decide to just shove it all down as far as it will go and never think of it again. I’ve tried that, and it was a disaster. It wasn’t until I began being kind to all my selves by allowing them to express themselves, mostly through journaling, that I began to sense a shift deep within. Something clicked into place. I wasn’t holding my parts hostage, so to speak, I was finally allowing them to live and breathe and express themselves.

    There is value in every leg of our journey, even those dark times when it seems all we do is blubber and hate ourselves and remember way too much. Even when we hate ourselves and just want to die, that is all a part of it that eventually gets us to our present day selves. It’s a long process, but it’s so worth it. And you’re right that the time comes when you can’t remain fixated on the past. You have to get beyond it and face today as you learn how to live in this world in the aftermath of abuse.

    (Sorry, I seem to have written a comment nearly as long as your post!)

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    • jeffssong says:

      Great reply. And yes, I know about that decades long search: we went through it as well, starting when “I” was about 24 or 25 or so. And it took a long time. I was 48 before the long march of nothing but nightmares was over. As a child I thought nightmares were normal; as a teen when I started my psychology studies I read about things called “wish fulfillment dreams” but never had one. Nor a “wet” dream. Only dreams of terror, war, loss, more loss. But, as you say, we each have our own roads and therapy will only get you so far – then it’s up to the person (or persons if you’re a multiple like ‘I’ am, or we are) – to walk that road alone, for themselves, feeling around in the bushes.

      Hopefully what I wrote will help some realize there is hope ahead. For some already on the road, it may be a confirmation of what they are feeling, or a signpost as to what lays ahead, and what they should start looking at. Years ago I would tell folks who said: “Why can’t you let it GO?” that I would be more than happy to – if only IT would let go of ME. Well, in the end I reckon kind of a compromise was made – a little bit of “let go” and forgiveness and acceptance – both within and without – helped a good bit and it takes a long time. But . . . in this “instant fix” society of ours this is going to remain a slow thing, I’m afraid. But hopefully someone will take heart from what we BOTH wrote, you & I, and say: I can follow this path, too. I can make my way into a world of happiness, or at least some personal contentment which will last me forever, no matter what lays ahead – or behind. And remembering therapists can only get you so far . . . and they’re NOT always “your friend” – many like to keep clients hooked on the bill, have a permanent source of guaranteed income (it’s nice to have that, after all) – at the long term expense of clients by dragging things on. I’ve seen it, so have you, no doubt, and it’s a danger out there which is why I’m always advising folks to keep an eye on their therapist as well. Not all have your best interests in mind, tho’ generally most of them will.

      Thank you for your reply, and I don’t mind the length at all. Always good to hear from someone who “made it” or is well on the way. 🙂

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      • Yes, that’s a good way to put it: I’m well on my way. I used to blog about my DID (for 10 years) and I have to say that doing so–and knowing that my struggles were helping other multiples–probably did me more good than any therapy I received. I actually never had much therapy once I got my DID diagnosis, partly because my therapist told me honestly that in her opinion I’d come a long way in healing, all by myself.

        I don’t want to be dependent on a therapist for the rest of my life, or my abuser wins. I don’t want to just shove everything deep inside and hope it stays buried for the rest of my days, or my abuser wins. So. I do what I can to help myselves, and I’ve had to learn through trial and error–as I’m sure you did too–what helps and what doesn’t, and much of it is different for everyone. Sometimes I need to read books about other multiples (Truddi Chase, Sybil, Billy Milligan) and watch movies about them, and talk about my multiplicity and write about it. And sometimes I think I’ll scream if I even think about it. About them, these others who have taken up permanent residence in my head.

        I have a dear friend who is convinced that if I integrated all would be well with my world. She doesn’t get it. I’ve tried to explain my reasons for not wanting to go that route, but then it occurs to me that probably she couldn’t understand that any more than I could understand being a singleton.

        A good sense of humor helps! On my blog I tried to express that “this is what is working for me, now, but I don’t know if it will still work tomorrow or if it will work for you at all.” I can’t make any blanket statements. I don’t know anything, hardly. I don’t know who I am half the time, but I find that isn’t as distressing as it used to be. My life is not dull!

        Thanks for your blogging, you and I both know there’s someone out there eating up your words like they’re m & ms, wishing they were further along with their healing. They’ll get there if they take their own pathway and leave the psychobabble stuff alone.

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      • jeffssong says:

        What we found, to put it quite honestly and simply was 1) don’t get upset or horrified if another alter / self shows up. Accept that “part of yourself” as a therapist would say AS a part of yourself, and with love & forgiveness – even the most rotten, beastly, most tormenting and tormented of “them” – take them all in with a hug & *try* to understand who, what, all.
        2) We are all one big family & treat ourselves as so, each one taking – and getting their own time as “they” need it, or else ‘we’ having an inner consulting hour, so to speak. “Jeff”, our mediating alter works with M3 (adult alter) to help keep things moving smoothly along and our protectors are well taken care of. I even have alters assigned to take care of my kids. 🙂 Each system is different, therefore take what makes sense to you, or works in a way.
        3. I think you & I (the adult alters, anyway) realize how tough this all is, what it takes, and flounder & founder from time to time and that’s okay as well. “I” have learned to ‘listen’ and take cues. I know when I get that feeling or hear “I want to kill someone” it’s not someone outside – it is in. And that’s okay, too: we realize we have some insane beasts in us, and we love them and take care of them, too. Love defeats hate which is something we learned. Hating one’s inner child – and I literally hated my inner child SO much I tried to cut him out (again, literally) – “tried” him, had ‘myself’ judge – there’s a piece of artwork floating around out here somewhere called “The Trial of Mikie”. Got so bad I managed to ‘trick’ myself with the help of another user (a girl who was helping me online) into “giving” him (our boy) to her to take care of. I went 3 years without that part “in me” – or at least alive in me. Did better. Got over it eventually. But it was one damn hard fight.

        Humor – boy, is that a good one! You got to be able to laugh at yourself, and WITH yourselves AT things, including yourselves. Madness, eh? (rolling my eyes). But . . . yeah, it took so long, but the result? Marvelous, IMO, or at least a whole lot better, and mostly done myself. For all my years in therapy & with shrinks I found only about 3 sentences I could use AT that time. One still stands . . . an old rusty fence in my mind. It will be maintained, but the dangers are less. Again, that was one of the very rare instances when a shrink was my friend. For the most part useless lumps. And one was really bad; tried to tear me apart, make things worse. Didn’t work. Once I caught on I was out of there, but some damage was done. Ditto the last time I ended up in the Mental Museum. They always end up making things worse, not better, for me. But then again most haven’t a clue where to begin.

        It was great to hear your comments. I enjoy “meeting” someone who sounds like they are actually and really healing, and trying to. So many get caught in the ditch and seem to want to stay there. I’m glad you’re on your way out. And have fun with your inner family. My own family – my wife, kid – think it’s cool as heck sometimes, though it’s often frustrating as well, LOL. However, all we do is in the interests of looking out for others considering how far we’ve gone now.

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      • OK, so I think I suffer from DID envy. No kidding. I read how different multiples deal with their systems, how they communicate and interact and yada yada, and I wonder what’s wrong with me. I don’t have much finesse when it comes to communicating with my parts. I mean…I guess it would help if I could accept and love them, as you say. But how do you get to that point where you can do that?

        Also, I raised five boys alone and now that they’re all grown and I’m a nana for crying out loud, all I need is to have another gang to raise, even if they are insiders! So any wisdom you can throw at me like fairy dust would be very much appreciated.

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      • jeffssong says:

        LOL – and no, I am NOT laughing at you – I am laughing at “me” and all the me’s – and the parts of me are giggling – because WE well remember that “bad time” when we were flailing about like mad, and flailing at “each other”. (I *try* to put things in a monomind sense, but sometimes it’s like “oh well, how can ‘I’? When ‘we’ are a ‘we’?

        But here’s the thing: intellectually I “know” I am supposed to be this “one” person, and that according to the pros there ARE no “other” people. Okay, I am kinda fine with that. I’ll deal with it on my own (which is what I thought, and then after much pain & research, worked on and did <- I hate that word "did" sometimes, don't you. 😉 LOL!)

        But lets break this down logically, then. Let's just suppose you have this problem where you have "compartmentalized" these 'sections', times, emotional states, mix of emotions, personas, socially demanded personality types – and that includes "familial" (Family), work, community, and general cultures. Now this is just ME (and part of how "we" came about) – in order to cope & deal & handle all these often frustrating (as a child) and often conflicting demands (Military culture: you are to kill people / Civilian culture: it is a great wrong, etc) – "I", at least, took and made little packages especially made & custom tailored to FIT each individual situation . .

        So, having established that – "how they" came about, why & wherefore, it becomes MY job, as it is your, an adult host (or even an alter!) to "accept" those parts of "you" you made for yourself to protect yourself & adapt in a usable & survivable fashion to outside 'demands' of your emotional states & physical being. So they ARE a "part" of you – no matter how "bad" – MOST are there, or were there, for YOU & YOUR benefit – and so you have to just kind of accept them like that: as friends, and perhaps family.

        And then there's so MANY types of alters: "ghosts" (those based on someone "outside", say a family or friend member), hard core inner creations (usually protectors) and remnants of other ages, trapped in their time. And then, of course, there are the insane ones (at least for me) which must be dealt with and handles. Some I "split" into their component parts, separating the worst of them into one new kind of personality and keeping the 'best' of it (as far as I can determine in figuring out how "our" mind worked at that time) as two NEW personalities: one to roam 'free' sort of, and one that is recognized by all, and including in its own self in some instances, as being rather insane, not good for "me" and "us", self-damaging to the system – and 'we treat it very kindly despite those flaws. Cuddling it in cottony goodness, for heaven's sake! 😉 LOL!

        But that's a method, one of my own. It might take a long time to learn to do it – but look at it this way: one guy managed it – I'm sure all of your & yours could manage to put it off.

        And remember, as I *always* like to point out: new alters may get "built" while you are healing. Do not get upset. Those are just other parts of "you" that need some gentle dealing with. Dealing with means examining the part and understanding WHERE (in time) it came from, and WHY it is there, and what it did or is *trying* to do for you, whether it be for harm or good, and …. gee, I guess I wanna say "working with it" but it's more serious than that, kinda like talking to your kids, listening to what they have to say and taking it seiriously & helping them. (You can see the Kid influence trying to take over – I left the typos as I "fight" for the keys, LOL, and "back" that part of. I will listen. & do the typing. LOL)

        But you get the picture: working with your parts & selves – "make" or find a place in your mind they can "play" or "rest" in the background; perhaps assigning or 'creating' other (and new) alters to take care of "younger" alters so YOU don't have to (making babysitters in my mind) – that kind of stuff.

        Long "post" (errr, & ahh, & actually it's a "comment") – but I hope it can help you. Very confusing, I know. But with the work it can be done. Trust me on that, granny, coz' our grandpa knows, LOL! 😉
        (btw, our kids wanted to send their "love" but I have reminded them that it's a bit inappropriate, LOL!).

        Like

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