DID/MPD/BPD: Dealing with “Evil” Alters (Co-conscious Systems)
First: This is JUST a suggestion. Not all systems are the same. But even if you are NOT a co-conscious ‘host’ or alter, it may help. Perhaps some other part(s) of you may find a way this can help you or an alter within you. Your “system” will have to figure out if this may be a way of handling some things.
WHAT kinds of things? – As if “you”, a host or alter within a system need to ask! 😉 You know: ‘bad’ or evil alters; alters which wish to hurt you, outside others, or alters within yourself.
You may be able to ‘split’ some of those ‘bad and/or evil’ alters by taking the very worst aspects of an “entity” and ‘separating’ it from its good and/or redeeming qualities into two or more new entities. One may still be bad & one good, but each may be smaller and/or of less ‘importance’, and thus less INFLUENCE on the day-to-day running of a D.I.D. System. They can be animal, or human, ghosts – whatever. I’ve got one that’s a snake, another demons, and yet another our Beast. Each is a subset of former emotional states, or ways of being.
One thing YOU as another host or alter must realize: “They” were built in the past to meet circumstances which may no longer apply to protect you. That’s one of the things YOU (as host, alter, and human being) must recognize AND realize, and try to be grateful to them for. They were originally created for the benefit of “you”, the whole, or ‘human being’ in your own tortured soul’s quest for happiness – which meant comforts, higher standards of living, perhaps; putting safety first, that sort of thing – whatever ‘they’ saw or continue to see as benefiting “you” and all of you. For some of the ‘evil’ ones, or your ‘bad’ sides, its about your own safety and/or benefit – even if it means harming someone inside, sometimes out – which is a worse situation since it can physically get you into trouble you ALL don’t want, e.g. with the law or ending up in some hospital, physically broke, or maybe in another means & self-destructive methodology.
Such acts of destruction can include willful spending, blown budgets, going back on the meth habit (for me) or the drug of ‘someone’s” choice, inserting you back in the wrong pages of your life again. Or it could be the car got a flat tire because one of your alters wanted to go booney-hopping. (That’s driving through the woods for you non-military folks) – or as simple as waking up with a tattoo you barely remember getting, if you do at all – or “you” as an ‘unconscious’ host and/or alter had to sit & wait in uncomfortable painful impatience as another set of alters took control & led you to the town’s scariest, most sketchy tattoo shop, and made you spend $400 on something you’d rather not get, giving you all were living on a Ramen noodle diet . . .
As you can tell . . . been there, done that, and a lot worse. (I’m not going to post a photo of my scarred arms, for instance.)
Haven’t we all been like that at some time? It comes from DID symptoms, the most radical – like the cuts on our arms – and are impossible to control. For you monominds: imagine an uncontrollable impulse – one so strong you feel like you’re in a dream and have one of those compulsions you . . . simply . . . cannot . . . resist – you might have a mild clue. And woe to the host who does resist sometimes. There can be acts of revenge by others in the system, those “evil” & “bad”, including by alters you may not even be aware you have. Alters will punish you for doing some of the simplest ‘stuff’, can do harm for you, and/or to you. I know. I’ve had that happen much of my lifetime; still dealing with it, and some of the outflow from it, it’s effects on all our lives, as well as some of the family.
That just goes to show why you got to get this kinda ‘stuff’ under control, “evil” and “bad ones”, separating the alters out and – since you cannot get rid of them, and don’t try! (They are like bad zombies: no matter how deep you bury ’em they can get out.) BUT – you might try your hand at modifying them, making them into something you can get a handle on, or around.
And you can do this. Trust me, and “ours”. We’ve done it before with moderate success with some; complete success in others, and in every case we were doing a benefit to “ourselves” as well as outside ‘others’. We’ve gotten some stuff under much tighter control than ever . . . without having to control at all, by creating these ‘new’ alters out of remnants of older ones; giving the very worst of ‘them’ their own environments to live in while putting the best of their qualities in, and to, work for us.
We learned that embracing them gently and then taking them ‘apart’ in the operating room of your mind (so to speak: we often used a “conference” room in our head) – and through a whole lot of Journaling; dissecting them, in other words, to find how they formed and their function. Much is in relation to our “old kind of lives”, meaning we were in some kind of abusive, or technically difficult to follow & survive, environment. SOME of the thoughts, views, perceptions, moods, and emotions ‘within’ an alter you may find of use; some none at all, and some just downright insane and/or toxic. Those parts of some particular alter you can – and HAVE to – throw in a separate pile. You are going to be building a ‘new’ person or personality – or anime’ alligator creature (I find animals work best for this ‘trick’) out of this stuff, and it’s the most rotten and the worst. Since you cannot get “rid” those perceptions – they are, or may be, burnt into you or one of your alters – you must pile them ‘aside’.
Examples might be your first instinct upon meeting a stranger, or gender type, or thing, or being, or dog . . . whatever. It might be an extreme aversion to touch (we had – and still have, albeit at a greatly and gratefully reduced amount – this). You’ve got “original” and sometimes (many times in my own personal case) wrong ‘assumptions’ that some part(s) may have – a wrong hangover from a different culture, or an animal way of life – but does not fit in THIS one and our society and the people you are around. Things you cannot take on the job with you. (E.g. becoming a child while dangling at 300 ft. above ground while working on a high tension wire – NOT a very good idea! Or while you’re getting shot at performing your duty for the military: not a good time to revert to the 10 year old’s mind, tho’ he had some skills by then himself, mostly to do with laying claymore mines & boobytraps – that old ‘industrial’ stuff they taught us when we were young.)
WE found by ‘separating’ really damaged alters into 2 alters – one containing the positive qualities of the original, the other only the very worst – gives us 2 new alters to take care of, or at least one.
Here’s an example. We had an alter called “MOM” (all caps). Based on the same (an insane woman who hates men and had male children). But like most people she was not “all bad”. She had her moments. So we “stripped” this “MOM” alter of its very best qualities and created a new one for it – even gave “it” a back story so it will fit in good with our little ones and several others. It now takes care of our inside children. With what was “left” – well, we had this new, albeit stripped of rational thought or emotion – insane alter. We can’t really ignore it, or throw away its feelings or perceptions. Those are ‘built’ into us, in certain states. After all, it’s a part that kept us alive some of the times. It also hurt us, causing a lot of grief and pain. We still bear a few scars on our arms because of it. BUT . . . taking all this ‘evil mess’ we kind of packed it into its original form, leaving the original designation “MOM”, and put it into the “rocks” where it wanted to live. And good riddance to it, though sometimes we take it out & examine it, making sure it is “all right” and doing well in its ‘new’ environment. And it is.
That’s part of the “trick”. You can’t really “get rid” of memories, perceptions at the time, new alters were created in that time, etc. “We” wouldn’t be “us” if there wasn’t all of “us” to be ‘me’. But we learned sometimes we were able to take what was left and create a new alter – and sometimes useful ones. The “good parts” of that original “MOM” personality are now assigned to this being we call “Aeorola” whom we call up when it’s time to apply ‘loving & maternal instinct’ to our outside behaviors.
Don’t think of this as a ‘trick’ – think of it as consciously (and sub-consciously, if you can!) – modifying the worst of the personalities by taking as many of their positive qualities as you can – divorcing those “worst of qualities” which harm and you don’t like – and remaking it into a system you can handle, albeit out of smaller and easier to ‘separate and control’ kinds of pieces which (hopefully!) you can “pick up” and use to your own benefit, and that of any others in your lives, including those inside and among your own alters.
The steps, basically, are
- First identify, then understand your ‘other’ and potentially ‘evil’ alter and/or self.
- Learn to EMBRACE ALL OF YOUR ALTERS WITH UNDERSTANDING AND LOVE.
- Realize sometimes it TAKES understanding of why & how they came about; where their perceptions, ideas, etc., come from, in order to BEGIN loving them, and decide where they are wrong, or right,
- Make the effort to understand them. When you can understand them, and when/where they come from, you can begin to forgive and/or love them. Knowing that is beneficial to your health as an overall system, so do it anyway if you perform nothing else under this blog post.
- Do not condemn them, nor let them condemn you. IF they begin to condemn or attack YOU or any of your inner beings . . . do not let them. And especially do not let them take any physical actions at all.
- Keep on working until you understand “them” well enough to separate what is ‘wrong’ with them, and/or their perceptions. Do a little bit of damage control on yourself and any other alters who have come to believe them – and then, gradually, begin putting things into 2 piles. You cannot throw anything away, you’re not getting rid of anything – OR ANYONE.
- In essence you have a goal of creating 2, or as many ‘more’ alters as you need, each a more refined ‘being’ made of those parts you’ve “thrown away” or put in ‘discard’ piles – whether they be some of the angers at your abusers, or the view that all men (or women) are full of “stuff” and are insane, and then use the tools you use to build new alters out of them. And then “stuff” them away in your mind where they belong, and let those who can assume duties best suited to them.
- In some cases (like many in my mind) you may have to make compromises and “deals” – e.g. “you can only come out if so-and-so happens”. In some of my worst alters it’s gonna take World War 3 to bring them out, or pretty extreme survival cases. Pack ’em away carefully in their own ‘boxes’, even if you gotta make one.
- Making “boxes” and or “environments” for bad & evil alters to “live in” may in some cases be good. You may be able to put some “to sleep” unless they are called (but all of ours have ‘environments’ to ‘live’ in. It seems to be a necessary step in segregating ‘them’ from the ‘rest of us’). You can give them an environment to ‘play’ in. (Originally I gave my “Beast” a forest full of faux creatures to ‘kill’ and it enjoyed smashing their colorful colors until it discover it could keep on until its appetite was sated.)
- Try to give all the good alters their “time out” and let them ‘play’. Fortunately my system can support “3 on Top” plus a couple of others (up to 5 on my last counting) looking over “my” and/or “our” shoulders – willing & able to step in with a useful comment (or some a stinging rebuttal, or sarcasm – again, gotta watch what we express, as I urge all who are in DID systems to control for their own benefit!).
There are ‘ways’ around this, this problem of small alters and bad alters which are giving you a hard time. And the first thing is to TRY not to ‘see’ them as “bad” but simply misguided, behind in the times, or silly insane alters who can go on spewing their stuff but “nobody” pays any attention to them. In some cases I’ve got some of my children alters taking care of some of the once-really-bad alters because we found when we cut in and separated them into their ‘good’ and ‘okay’ and ‘bad’ parts, the bad had become so much smaller we could deal with them. And we did by putting them into ‘babies” bodies and having a nursery for the “children” to come in and take a look at them, hold them, cuddle them, and understand their love – because at some level ALL the alters are loving one another, it’s just the ‘system’ that may have gone a bit wild, like a family when it gets to fighting.
Remember: this is only a loose suggestion & some of “our” own ways of handling things given we’ve got some very ‘evil’ (or could be if we let them), ‘bad’ (as in our military background makes things worrisome & scary to some in our lives) alters we’ve got to take care of.
And that care begins with understanding so you can love them. THEN you can take care of them like ‘we’ did, or in a way that benefits “you” and the system, et all.