How To Know Something is Wrong in a D.I.D. System
How Do You Know Something is “Wrong”?
To put it simply: you experience intrusive and/or inappropriate thoughts and/or emotions for a prolonged period. IF you are D.I.D. and are suffering from inexplicable angers, emotions like sadness or depression, or thoughts of self-harm – even though there is nothing really WRONG with your life, et all – it might be an “alter” or a part of you is having a problem, and this is an issue you can determine yourself, perhaps.
To give you an example, let use “13”*, an alter which appears to be giving ‘us’ trouble.
From A Host’s Perspective (M3):
A few weeks ago – almost a month, my patience seemed to start to get thinner and thinner. I found myself making snide & hurtful remarks, or unthoughtful ones sometimes towards, or about, friends & family, including “myself” and towards others.
I began noticing (along with several of my child alters) “we” were thinking “bad” or negative thoughts about people. Over 3 weeks I noticed it getting worse and worse. There are a few stresses involving parents & parental care which we’ve been taking care of, both internally & externally. e.g. There was a major blowup involving us & our mom, and we had to draw strict boundaries, which also upset her. (Some of ‘us’ are practicing the “apathy” thing, lol!)
So after 3 weeks “I” and some ‘other’ alters said: “What’s up?” After all, you can’t be both mad and happy at the same time . . .
Unless you are D.I.D. 😉
Sometimes when ONE of you is mad, or angered the host or whole system feels these situation inappropriate angers, dark thoughts, and rages despite there being no reason for them.
That is a sign that an alter has gotten pissed. You’ve got to figure it out, and that might mean journaling, or writing like ‘we’ do here. “We” have learned to pay attention to them, find out what their ‘needs’ are, what “they” want. Sometimes it’s just recognition. Sometimes there IS a problem in your life, or at least what appears a problem to “that” part and/or aspect of your person. And it is up to YOU and your “others” and your host to figure out what to do, how to resolve it in a way that makes you and your parts happy. It has to mean NOT destroying your life or doing harmful things, being antisocial, unwise in your decisions, or unlawful and/or self-destructive behavior, etc. That includes strange urges to go on shopping sprees, or go on a cross-country drive that goes on for weeks or months that might adversely affect your family. It may involve unwise spending, etc., like suddenly thinking you are a genius at the Lotto when you aren’t – which can harm ‘you’, the overall ‘being’ that you all are and really want, deep down, to continue to be.
I think most alters & D.I.D. systems know what I am talking about. Those ‘moods’ that suddenly descend upon you, or sudden angers directed at what ???? – you cast around & cannot find the source, that type of thing. (Usually I find those sudden angers & types of thoughts which I “think” are directed outwards are sometimes, if not at all times, directed from one “part” inside against or for another ‘part’ or behavior “thing”.)
And this is WHY BEING D.I.D. is a BURDEN. When you are D.I.D. you must pay attention to “you”: your moods and nature, even your thoughts and/or behavior, and, when they are disturbing or troubling to your or others, be willing to dig INTO yourself, pull those problems up by their roots, and examine them. Personally I (Jeff & the other adult alter, M3) as well as a few of our logical (aka “scientists”) selves thing everyone should do this from time to time: examine their own feelings and figure out where they come from, where the thought patterns that spawn them come from – for perceptions lead to emotions, which can color perceptions, an’ ’round ‘n round it goes . . .
Unfortunately it seems only insane people do this: taking themselves apart to the last cog and wheel and figuring out what makes them go ’round and which way, for what, and when. I encourage monominds and all minds to explore themselves, especially when it comes to feelings of fear, anger, enraging themselves with disgust and horror for something as simple as “you fill in the blank” . . . humans, et all. Everyone should take themselves apart from time to time, dusting off the gears and making sure they are all all right inside, making sure “everyone” inside is “okay” in their own little world(s) and their own little way(s).
Especially when negative emotions are involved.
FOR a D.I.D. person, or person living under a B.P.D. or M.P.D., or DDNOS Diagnosis:
Remember to stop and look “inside” from time to time. Query alters, motives, thoughts, and thought patterns. This especially holds true when those are strings of negative or ‘intrusive’ unwanted thoughts regarding torture, inappropriate activity, or inhuman (or inhumane) etc. that anyone with one of the above diagnoses may have, or one of their “alter” or “insiders” or selves are complaining about, or the host of the system, or system itself seems to be experiencing over a period of time.
Only YOU can often know when YOUR system is unhappy when you aren’t feeling too happy, or have intrusive, angry thoughts – despite there basically being nothing wrong in your life, no threats on the horizon. You need to start investigating your alters & their emotional conditions, thoughts, etc. whenever you have emotions or desires which are not good for “your selves”, are harmful, and interfere with your goodwill & happiness. Don’t be scared to “go in”, write, do yoga & meditate, whatever you may need to do for you to live life content and with some modicum of happiness. Because remember: Happiness is the golden ring. It is what governs every human action. And you CAN get yours if you try – you, parts and all.
- See our last post regarding that part of ‘my’ personality which has, was, and is so compartmentalized the rest of ‘me’ had to give ‘it’ a name . . . though it was, and to some extant still is a little ‘person’ within ‘ourselves.